Doubts
Q: I am really sorry that I am wasting your time, you have so many people to answer their important questions but I really think I should share my thoughts to an expert and take his advice. I am really suffering from constantly breaking wudu and I am really in a great pain. I have made a routine which was really good and my time would be used very effectively and I could sleep 5-6 hours at least with reading tahajjud.. But as I can't perform my salah in time due to this problem and sometimes another problems related to taharat I can't keep up to my routine.. And also concentration in my salah is getting lower to lowest day by day.. It takes a huge energy to calm myself and motivate myself to make concentration in salah.. Very often when this happens and I am really tired I think of dying and giving up fard salah etc many dangerous thoughts come to my head.. Nowadays my bad temper came back which I made tawba of.. Except these I am a majoor (for another reason).I feel like my duas are not accepted, no point of making dua, tawba is not sincere, no point of making tawba.. I am really fustrated I have started to behave bad with people very dangerously with my mother too.. I don't feel like praying nafl which I used to do regularly and dont read Quran in the morning regularly.. I am not getting any motivation.. I lost connection with Allah and always feel like crying.. I don't want to go to varsity but I go there as my parents my family my husband will get hurt and it will be a disaster in our family. I thought as I am going there I should give them dawah, as I am a practising muslim I wear full niqab hijab I should be exemplary to them but in reality I am a total disaster, I don't go there regularly, in almost every class I am proven inattentive (my friend speaks a lot and I am not interested in this subject) , I wanted to correct this but it is continuously happening. I don't bring my assignments.. I am a full mess there.and it also happened that a teacher is making fun of how muslims are following blindly saudi dress and whole class laughing. And I also don't give dawah verbally as I don't know how to start and should I say something I am a bad example in the class (though I did good results everyone knows me as a good student, now my result is getting bad) in this situation to cope with the difficulties and getting motivated again and again and go forward has become very difficult for me.. I have a very weak iman very low tawakkul on Allah.. I really am in grave pain and do not know what to do knowing that more difficult time is coming(my husband's family is not that religious it will be really difficult for me to maintain parda having only halal food there as I don't eat tomato sauce also because I saw in halal e-codes that it is mashbooh).. Please give me some advices what to do..
A: These are all shaytaani whispers. Don't pay attention to this. Your imaan is safe and your du`aas are answered. Read "laa howla wa laa quwwata illa billaah" and conduct ta`leem in the morning and evening with some Qur'aan Shareef recitation.
And Allah Ta'ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
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