Premarital relationship and thoughts of suicide
Q: I am 24 years old and by birth a non Muslim but had relations with a Muslim boy for over 5 1/2 years. We have been planning to get married after my convertion. I believe in Allah. For these 5 1/2 years l lived like a Muslim girl. I know that both my parents will not accept us easily but I thought that his parents would support me more than mine. I tried alot. He told me to take a loan and join for the msc and in 2 years time we would get married. I listened to him and completed my msc. He promised to marry me. I did things with him because he told me that we will make everything halal after getting married. I gave him everything but I am still a virgin. Few months ago, his parents found about us and they changed him. He got married to another girl and started to a new life. He forgot about everything. He hides from me and his friends. Allah also supported and saved him. I prayed alot but Allah didnt hear my prayer. Perhaps it is because I was born a non Muslim girl. I believe and pray alot to Allah. I told his parents that I believe in Allah Amd I like to live like a Muslim girl. I asked them to please give me a chance to be a good Muslim girl. But they did not accept. Allah did not answer my duas. This boy dropped me at the last second and he told "What I did will not gave you a child so forget what happened between us and live your life with someone else. My mother does not accept you and I cant disobey my mother." I know that a mother is a great gift of Allah and Allah told us not to make your mother sad. I can also give birth to a child then I will become a mother. Why does he not think about that. He did also made a mistake and cheated on me. Why Allah is not punishing him? He used me and me and left me. I am so heart broken and feel betrayed because he used me so much. I have been crying and praying to Allah. I begged every one to please help me to become a good Muslim girl but nobody helped me. At last I'm having thoughts of committing suicide. I know that it is harram in Islam. But I dont have any athor option. He touched my body with the promise that he will marry me. I told him that its was bad thing and we are not married. I am still a virgin but my body is also important to me. I lost everything but he gets a good life. Now l prayed to Allah to take my life back. I dont want to live. If I live, I dont want to be cheated by another boy. If I tell this thing to anyone then nobody will want to marry me. What must I do?
A: Turn to Allah Ta'ala and beg him for his special mercy and grace. Repent to him for the sin you have committed and make a firm resolve that you will not repeat this sin again. Never ever think that Allah Ta'ala hates you and he will not worry about you. This feeling is totally incorrect. Allah Ta'ala truly loves you and he is always there for you. Turn to Allah Ta'ala and he will bless you with someone who is far more better than the boy you had wished to marry. Certainly what the boy did was haraam and a sin. You should forget about him and turn your heart entirely towards Allah Ta'ala. You should remember that you are Allah Ta'ala's slave and not the slave of the person you were in love with. Your loyalty and true love should always be with Allah Ta'ala for He will never forsake you.
Committing suicide is a major sin. Severe warnings have been sounded in the Mubaarak Ahaadith for the one who perpetrates this grave sin. The one who takes his life through committing suicide, then until Allah Ta'ala does not forgive him, his punishment in the fire of Jahannum will be that he will continue to inflict the same type of pain upon himself and continue to experience the agony and pain.You should never intend to commit such a grave sin. If you give up hope and take your life by committing suicide, then in actual fact you are jumping from the frying pan into the fire. You will be trying to save yourself from the trivial worldly hardships through killing yourself, but you will become deserving of the wrath of Allah Ta'ala and the severe punishment of the hereafter.
Recite the following dua after salaah.
رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيْر
And Allah Ta'ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
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