Marital Issues

Q: My question is regarding the ruling about living with in laws. Bring in UK for six years, I was living with in-laws for four years. Things are fine with brother in laws, they are yet unmarried and nearly of my age. We have limited, controlled good relationship. But my issue is with parents. In a small nutshell specially my father in law has not accepted me though I'm his relative. The wedding was fully arranged by my mother in law. She is ok with me. Good days bad days. But still she is not very open minded educated women. All this I came to know after coming here. As they were far relative. And on the time of wedding enquiry done by my parents, they lied and she told wrong things about their aqeedah, about husband's education (which is far less than me) his health physical and emotionally. His religious level (far far different approach than mine). She kept everything secret. I came to know very slowly when I came to him. It was too late then. As when I came to know I just lost my 34 years old brother in an accident very suddenly in the same days. It was very very big time for my parents in Pakistan. Mum got sudden Stroke. So I had to keep my mouth shut and show a happy face to them. With time I have two kids. Alhumduliah. (May Allah keep them safe and pious) But the first girl with in laws was not very lucky for me as they become very very harsh rude and unjust with me. It was the time I went to Pakistan and was ready for separation but after six months I came back with very very bad heart for the sake of the girls future. Husband is never a husband for me in front of his family. By the will of Allah we got a far away  flat in London when I was pregnant with a son. It was very very hard time. Health wise, emotionally, mentally. I was coming out with bad heart with broken emotions I had nothing there to see shining since 2008/2012 I had many big small fights. I heard many bad things for my parents. So don't even call their house. I heard bad bad scolding. I was utterly emotionally dead. Can't forget those words, those eyes. When I got moved. I again tried to keep good relations, going to visit them weekly. Stay at nights whenever possible. To show care. To let them play with kids and let them feel happy. Forgetting past. But even then his dad insulted me whenever he gets reason or not. I think he hates me utterly. He never see any any good thing in me. Now question is my husband and his parents really want me to move back and stay with them. So they will have kids all the time. They are forcefully saying. I'm stuck no way. He says I miss them more I want to live with them. My kids should grow with them. I had bad experience to last month. When he shouted at me for twice for no reason infront of everyone. My kids wants to go as now we are in flat. There they have Garden and full house. I know soon they will be very nosy with me. However limits I will keep. I will be insulted. I will be scolded. I will be emotionally tried. My husband will be only dummy in front of them. My kids will be out of control fully. As they don't tell them to listen to your mom. I can go back. But I'm very very affraid. Please help me what should I do. Here houses are at high rent. And if luckily we will find anything they will hate me more. If I will go they will scold me more. Soon another brother in law is going to be married . she is from UK. A love marriage. She will be compared and more pressure for me. Kindly help me in the name of Allah. Guide me to best path by the will of Allah. Save me from wrong decision. To go back. How.? If stay how to avoid therefor hatred for me. I am alone very alone in this country. Nothing to seek sincerity. But big big thanks to Allah as He is with me. (kindly forgive me for bad English, bad spellings. May Allah I have told the truth. And may my question is clear for you)

Q: My wife and I separated due to her being being unfaithful. She was pregnant with my child at that time and I didn't issue her with her 3 Talaaqs. During the period of separation the guy she was caught with went and got one of his "contact moulanas" to do another nikah with my wife.

1. So I need to know what is that status of my marriage?

2. Is her second marriage valid?

3. If she wants to come back must we make nikaah again or I just take her back?

4. How do we go about reporting moulanas who mislead and do wrong things?

Q: If I am married for 11 years and my husband never really had a steady job he hardly buys me and our kids clothes. When he does get a job now and then he only buys food, once a while gives me a few Rands to buy me something. Is it permissible to divorce him?

Q: I want to find out, a friend of mine wants to take a second wife. He has kids from his 1st wife. He doesn't love her and they hardly communicate. He is staying with her because of the children. Reason for wanting a second wife is because he wanted the happiness and all of the duties a wife should see to. Should he leave the 1st wife?

Q: I require advise on the following:- I am married, living and working in town A, my mother -in- law is living in town B. My father-in-law recently passed away and prior to his demise, my husband had moved in with his parents in town B, to look after his father. My husband has continued living with my mother-in-law, for the duration of her idaat, he has thus been away from home for almost a year. I cannot move to town B where my mother-in-law is, as I am working and would take me at least two hours to commute to work. I cannot give up my job as I have dependants' to support. My mother-in-law refuses to move to my town (A), my husband thus has to stay with her. The situation is becoming untenable. My husband keeps on insisting that his first priority is his mother, I understand that, but would that entail excluding the rights of a wife? Under the aforesaid circumstances what rights do I have?

Q: I plan on making nikaah next weekend and need to know if its allowed. This man and I have known each other since school but I married another. That marriage didn't work and I've been divorced for 5 years. I have twin sons (13 years). My school friend and I have now reunited and plan on making nikaah. He has daughters in their teens who live with him.

1. Is nikah allowed?

2. Can our children live together?

3. We heard a man is not allowed to marry a girl from his past. Is this true? We had no relation back than. We were just teens.

Q: I am married and pregnant. I loved my husband so much and I am his second wife but his first wife is a problem to me because she is sending me messages all the time, but she is a Haafidha. But all that she says doesn't look like she has the holy Quran in her head and because of this I am tired of this man and I feel like separating from him. What should I do?

Q: I'm married for 5 years and have no kids. My husband is a relative. My husband was having affair with his cousin before and after my marriage and he committed zina with her and taken photos of it. My in laws never supported me and started torturing me for dowry. I got separated in 2010 December because of his zina. Since then i'm living with my parents. In between my elders bought us back together many times in these 4 years but he did not change. his mother and his aunt control him. and his family is ruining my name in families. All the time they get away easily even though they are at mistake. In December 2013 my husband visited my house many times but only to lie and cheat me again. he told his mother and aunt don't want me to come so he did not take me with him. I called them for counselling many times they did not come. My case is in court now. My dad paid for my wedding by taking loan. My in laws made my dad pay for reception and also took lot of money prior marriage. I was working during separation as my husband never supported financially. But from two years i'm not working. But my husband has hired a lady lawyer and is not willing to give back our money spent in wedding nor paying maintenance. Even in court i'm failing. What ever i do i always fail in life. I want my in laws to do out of court settlement and return our money as my father is under heavy debt. His family is very heartless. I'm 30 years now. I want talaq from him so that they give me back our money and gifts given to me by my parents in wedding. I'm really worried every single second of losing this case as my in laws are criminal mind and very cunning specially my husband. They are trying to prove that i deserted him and i have ruined his life and tortured him. his lawyer is arguing in court not to give maintenance to me. Please give me a wazifa so that my husband divorces me and pay me maintenance in out of court settlement and this court case gets closed. I come from poor family. I'm the only daughter of my parents. There is no peace in our lives. All in my khandaan know my in laws are at fault but still i'm suffering.

Q: I am my husbands second wife. We married 9/10 years ago without anyones knowledge i.e my family. He promised and swore he would ask for my hand in marriage after his visa issues were resolved. Alhamdulillah last year July he got his visa issues resolved after nearly 12 years, he went back home to see first wife, I accepted all this but now its time for him to accept me with my families knowledge and he won't. His sister and brother in law have also tried talking to him telling him he is oppressing me and doing injustice with me as he has kept me waiting 11 years. Please could you give me some Dua I can make for my husband to treat me right and also accept me properly Islamically. We live 5 hours away. Whenever I have met him and spoke to him on his face he has reassured me and then when I leave he cuts everyone out, no one is sure why he is doing this. He has told me and his sister he loves me. Is this shaitan stopping him doing the right thing? He is not active in prayers but does pray Jumma. Please advise what I can pray or which dua I can make for my husband?

Q: I am married and have children. Throughout my marriage, I had a lot of problems, but I stayed in the marriage because of my children. The problems were mainly related to my husband going out with friends and returning home late at night and not showing us any attention. Also, he spends a lot of his time watching porn and speaks freely to women. What should I do? I only cry and feel helpless. I want to leave. What does Mufti Saheb advise me to do?