Marital Issues

Q: I want my rukhsati, please help me. My husband is not talking to me and not even replying to me. I am so worried. My nikkah was on the 4th november 2012.

Q: I am really lost and wanted help from Islamic point of view. Me and my husband are Muslims. We first met 3 years ago and my parents approved of my husband and I agreed. He did not have a job then, but I trusted Allah and we had our nikah a couple of months later. Since then our lives have been very disturbed. There has been good times. But my husband did not have a job until a year after our our marriage. I was a practicing doctor hence I was supporting us completely. Which was stressful as it was unconventional but I did not mind as I believe risq is in Allahs hand. When my husband got the job, instead of offering to contribute in our expenses, he started sending money to his mom (who lives with the other brother and has property and pension to support her). This continued for a couple of months then finally he started contributing after we had a talk. He was only contributing less than half of the expenses and continued to send money to his mom and brother. A year and a half later, he swapped jobs and needed a car. I volunteered to pay for it since he did not have money. Again believing that as a wife it's my duty and Allah will reward us with barqat in our rizq. He wasn't making any money in his new job so I have been contributing fully again towards all the house expenses. This has gone on for 6 months. Alhamdulillah now he has been offered a very good job which he is due to start in a weeks time. Although his monthly pay is less than mine but I said to him that he should contribute towards our expenses before and save for himself and pay off his debts before contributing any money for his mom as they are non his dependants in any way. Also, we are expecting a baby, and I'll be on maternity leave for 1 year and will only get full pay for three months, half pay for next three months and no pay for 6 months. I was worried about our unborn child's expenses etc and saving for his education etc. When I said that to him he got upset and started shouting at me. I agree that my tone got a bit harsh but Allah as my witness, it was no where as loud as his. Now we have not been talking and sleeping in different rooms for last 3 days. I have been praying to Allah to give us Hidaayah. But I am so hurt that after all what I have done for him, he always places my needs after his own family's need. Also, since our marriage, I have never ever asked for any extravagant gifts like gold etc. I can buy expensive stuff Alhamdulillah with my pay but I have been saving the money for us and now about to buy a property, in which he is not contributing a single penny. I have no one to talk to and have been reading about wife's right in Islam. And making dua to Allah for help. I don't hate him, he is or was very loving. He is a good person who prays all his salats. But I feel I don't have the sabar to give in any more. I will have to kill my inner self, my personality and beliefs to come out and say its my fault when it isn't. I am so stressed as I am expecting and keep thinking of the worse that this is not going to end well. Please help and make dua. Ameen

Q: I have a cousin who is in a marriage where him & his wife hardly speak to each other, they don't have an intimate relationship since they have a daughter who is 5 years old. She argues with him unnecessarily. Since the past 15 years he has been living like this. The reason being she didn’t want to come live with his mum after his father passed away. She told him I will make your life a hell. He has given her 2 talaqs but his mum tells him that he should not divorce her because the family will talk& him & his Mums biggest fear is that he won't ever see his little daughter again. He said that this marriage is just pain & hardship.

Mufti Saab in this situation what should he do?

Q: I am facing many difficulties and don't know what to do. Please advise me. I got married with the will of my parents and myself and the marriage got annulled because my family believe that the person who I married was not right so they pulled me out. I feel my family is very materialistic and they did not want to marry me again. I feel it may be jealousy since I was the most soft and good looking person. I was put in hardship and left alone with no hope of from anybody in family. They forced me not to get remarry. In the mean time I took
help from a person to be my wali in marriage. He misused me and some big sin happened. I repented and tried hard to protect myself and prayed to Allah Ta'ala. Finally with the blessing of Allah Ta'ala I got married. Allah Ta'ala blessed me with some children and we were very happy. After marriage one of my relatives helped me and that made me and my husband feel emotionally settled down and not lonely.

Later my relative also left me, now I am with my husband and children with the blessing of Allah Ta'ala but there are some serious problems:

1. My health became weak. I can perform all the duties of family except outside work.
2. Some of my husband's email reveal that he is involved with different prostitutes. I was suspicious of his behaviour but could not know that for sure until after 10 years of being with him since he does not talk and doesn't show emotions at all. Everyday he watches bad websites. I try to ask him, and help him in many ways in my best language but he does not reveal or nor share anything.
3. My children also suffer some big health issues and they are a challenge for both parents to take care of them. I have no where to go if he divorces me. I asked him for divorce many times. I get mentally and physically very tired with his rude behaviour and secret life. He is a rich person he affords good to us and provides for us but he does not give moral support and a happy life to me and the children. He always trys to find fault in me no matter how hard I try to please him. I feel very helpless. I try to seek my husbands help whether being with him or not. He always says your wish he never gives his idea. He say he does not want to give me children and I am very afraid of the future since I am still very young and very afraid of my children's future.

Please advise me in the light of Sunnah and Qur'an and pray for me and my children.

Q: My husband has two daughter from his X-wife. His wife was in adultery and she divorced him and took both girls with her. She got married with other guy and divorced him too. Now she (X wife) send her oldest daughter to my home. She is now 18 years old. My husband is still paying child support for them and will continue paying for the next 5 years, until his younger daughter turns 18. First daughter is also in adultery just like mom.  X wife sent oldest daughter to my home to let her live with me and my husband. She said that she asked some people in mosque that how can she save her younger daughter from her older sister to stay out of this habbit. They told her to send her here to her father. Even she got here but she showed herself just in a week. My hubby and his x wife hid all their daughter's behavior from me. I let her stay in my house, but now my question is, I have two sons too, don't I have to save my kids from her to learn bad things. I don't want her to stay in my home. So I told my hubby to send her back as she is the punishment of her mom
not me. Why should keep her and I am not even comfortable with her, but father doesn't want to send her back as she came to live him after 13 years. Am I doing something wrong. Don't I have right to save my kids? They are just 8 and 6 years old boys. Please let me know what should I do?

Q: I have found some message on my husbands phone to another female colleague with whom he works with and I have confronted him about it and he confirms it is only friendly message and nothing attached to it.  Ever since I keep feeling suspicious about him and I just want to read his messages. I now don't trust him anymore. How do I overcome this problem.  It is really disturbing me and I cannot concentrate on my salaah and it is making me so bitter towards him. I feel I am so sinful. Please help me and advise me how to overcome this situation.

Q: It has come to my father in laws attention that I have spoken to his second wife on three occasions. However now she says that I phoned her and revealed normal routine of the household. My father in law in turn took his anger on my husband and involved my husbands mother (my mother in law, the first wife). Thus resulting in emotional and verbal abuse, My questions are as follows:

I do realize my mistake was to pick up the phone and innocently respect her. Did I do wrong by adhering to the phone call? Should I prove to these inlws that I did not contact her and she phoned me? Is it right for my mother in law to order me not to communicate with any near or distant relatives of my husband saying that because she does not talk to my relatives, I should not talk to hers. My mother in law wish to not interact with me at all. Should my husband now be obligated to remove me from the household that belong to my father in law? I feel they are purposely trying to break my marriage, how does one make sabr in this circumstance?

Q: My husband thinks that his a Waliuallah. He reads 24/7. He is a 6 times namaaz reader including tajud namaaz. He always talk Islamic. He doesn't go anywhere. His friends can't joke about anything. He doesn't spent time with our kids. He'll take us somewhere if it benefits him only. Pleas help! Is this the way to go about being a Waliuallah?

Q: My husband has a habit of calling his friends (girls). I don't like ths thing and he is totally addicted to calling them and talking to them for a long period of times. What will I do in this situation? He says that these girls are only good friends of his and he won't stop whether I like it or not? He says that he is not sleeping with her just talking with her so its all mine fault. He says "k tmhare zehniat kharab hy".

Q: My question is in regards to forced marriage divorce, if a women who has fled her home and has had no contact with her family for 10 months due to violence and sexual abusive in the marriage requires a divorce, how can this be done without going to a islamic court and making contact with family in fear of further abusive/violence. The women is also pregnant with her new partner (which we know is not islamically correct). The nikah was done in Pakistan. How long before you can remarry after a divorce whilst being pregnant as a result of new relationship and paternity not being required?