Marital Issues

Q: I am married for 23 years, My brother and I am a reverted to Islam at the him at the age of 14 years and myself at 17. I have and had many Muslim family members as close as siblings and nieces and nephews right down to great nieces and nephews. For 10 years of my married life I was not allowed to communicate or visit with my brothers and sisters. My husband told me to choose between my family or him and my children. My children still being very young and needing me left me in reality with no choices. The last five years my husband allowed me the contact but no visits. My eldest sister who I grew up with and shared more than just a sister bond. She made sure I had everything of the best, what they could not get because my dad died when I was 2 years. MY sister took the place of my mother in matters my mother was not able to due to her ill health. My said sister resides in London U.K. She is not a muslin but accepts me and the rest of our family for our believes. My sister had 2 times 3rd stage aggressive breast cancer over a span of 8 years, I was not allowed to visit her although we had the fund. My sister was a month ago diagnosed wrongly and when further tests where done it was diagnosed she has brain cancer in two areas of the brain that is not possible to operate. They doing what the can to relieve the severe pressure she has on her brain and help her to manage her pain. Her oncologist and Dr has informed the family that there is nothing they can do accept help her to manage. That the cancer is spreading and she dont have long to live, Allah (SWT) knows best. They giving her more or less a few months. She has already lost all mobility in her arms and legs. My sisters and my muslim brother is going to London. Its my wish to join them on this sad journey. My nephew is offering to pay for the flights if any of us cant manage it. It is my sisters wish and ours to be able to see her and spend time with her for ALLAH (SWT) alone knows. Unfortunately my husband in incarcerated at present and is not able to go with me. I assured him I am not going to be alone my elder sisters that are older than me and my elderest brother who is a muslim will be accompanying me. Halaal provisions will not be an issue, I will make preparations for that. The shock of my sister condition, landed me in hospital and sessions in therapy with a psychiatrist. I lost my mother at 23 in a very drastic and tragic manner too, she died of a ruptured brain aneurysm. I explained to my husband her condition and my need to see her one more time, I dont want to loose her like I lost my mother when i didnt get a chance to see her alive one more time and tell her so many unspoken words. All my husband told me was, he sympathizes with me but no i cant go to see her and the money is not the problem but because he is incarcerated so i must stay home and only allowed to the Dr and my sons work place, thats all. My condition is like his, I am also incarcerated like him. Yet not long ago he told me that I must always be prepared to leave anytime for Durban if anything happens to his mother or any of his sisters. I feel this is so unfair to me, my family is worth nothing to him but his family must always be important to me. My husband has never lost a sister or a brother neither any of his parents. I lost, my father, my mother, 2 sisters, a brother. and one more to loose. He cannot relate to my losses and pain, so deals with this very callously like before, he expects me to deal with it and get over it. Please advice as im torn.

Q: My question is that I am married for 3 years and I found out my husband was cheating on me for the past 2 years. I do not have kids. Now I have decided to take divorce from him and now he is changed and want to live happy with me but on the other hand someone else wants to marry me and I also want to marry him after taking divorce from my husband. Now I am confused that should I go ahead and move on and marry the other person or should I forgive and live with my husband whom has cheated on me? He was involved with my own sister. This made me think to move on. Please help me out. What should I do? I can't ask anyone in my family about this matter. Please let me know ASAP thank you.

Q: I just want advice regarding my husband. Don't know what to do. When I go out with him even when I smile at a cousin brother, he gets annoyed and tells me I am committing a sin by smiling at men. Please advise me what is right and wrong.

Q: Me and my wife entered into nikaah almost 3 months ago. At the time of nikaah she accepted me as her husband in front of more than 100 family members. Our date of marriage was fixed in February 2017 but unfortunately during her stay at her home in these three months, misunderstandings grew and she is now not willing to live with me. I really want to carry on the nikaah and do not want divorce. What should I do according to the teachings of Quran and Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam)?

Q: My parents have been together for over 20 years but have had marriage issues for a very long time. Constantly fighting and arguing. Most of the time they do not speak to each other at all and my father has left the house three times but has come back. My parents even did their nikaah a second time the last time my father came back, for fear that their nikaah had become void by their separation. Now my father has come back again, but my parents have not spoken to each other at all for nearly 2 years. They do not say salaam to each other or even look at each other, let alone speaking to each other. We have tried mending their relationship numerous times, getting the elders involved, etc, but in the end they continue to fight and argue and it never works. The only reason they are staying together is because of us. Three of us are older and understand all this, but my youngest sister is 6 and my parents don't want to divorce for the sake of their children. However my mother is extremely worried that because of the way their marriage conditions are, their nikaah is not valid and it is haraam for them to live together. So taking into consideration all that I have said, and the fact my parents have not spoke to each other or had relations for nearly 2 years, is their nikaah now invalid and is it haraam for them to live together? My father has not actually divorced my mother by saying it verbally.

Q: I have been married for a year and a half now. The problem is my husband refuses to pray. He used to pray all his five prayers at the beginning, but I don't know what happened. I have tried everything to convince him to pray, but he just wouldn't. I make dua for him everyday, and I don't want to lose hope. We have a son now, and I want him to be a good example for my son. Please advise.

Q: Myself and my husband were leaving to go on a trip. I told my husband I'm going to perform salaah before we leave and went. He after about 10 minutes I'm not sure could be less or more started calling me. I did not reply as I was praying salaah, and he knows I don't reply when I'm making salaah. When I was done I went to him and he said to me "stop wasting time" and I should pack away what was laying in the kitchen. The thing is he knew I was praying salaah and he said stop wasting time. What is the ruling on such a situation?

Q: Because my husband totally owns the house we live in for 34 years, does that mean according to Islam that I cannot invite my son and his family from a previous marriage to visit us or spend a night with us. Please help me here, I was told that it is my husband's house and he has the right to refuse them, but his family and friends have the right to visit and stay. That since it is his house, and even though we are married, have 2 kids, that he has the right to tell me that I can leave his house. Please advise me, this us causing me much depression.

Q: I need some advice on my marriage problem. After four months of my marriage my husband confessed to me that he doesn't love me at all and is in love with another girl from before marriage. He only got married to me because he was angry and wanted to get over her. He never gave any feeling like he doesn't like me at the beginning of marriage he even accepted me as a wife, it after 2 or 3 weeks I could see he was changing and had a strong gut feeling. Now he asking me for some time to change but doesn't know exactly how long it will take. He accepted he loves his ex too much he doesn't know if he could forget her and start loving me. I really wanted to know in this situation what am I supposed to be doing, are we still supposed to be staying together as wife and husband and is our marriage still valid can I also include all this is really affecting me mentally.

Q: Can a man have two wives if he is unable to support them? My husband has another wife. Both he and the other wife are unemployed and not earning any income. I am the only one working. We all live in one house. Being the only one working does not affect me as much as the fact that I have no alone time with my husband. I do not get to have any intimate time with my husband. He only shares that part with her because they are alone and we are not. The only alone time we have is when he says goodbye to me at the gate in the mornings. Please advise what to do. I make dua everyday that he finds a good job so that we can have separate homes. This is such a difficult situation and is taking its toll on me. I desperately want a child but with no alone time I obviously cannot even think about getting pregnant. A friend suggested that I get my own place and they must see to themselves but how do I do that to another person who I know does not have an income? Please help me figure this out?