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Marrying my cousin

Q: I am engaged to the daughter of the sister of my father. In my child hood, mother of my father used to put her breast nipple in my mouth, whenever I cried. She was old then and had no milk in her breast. What I want to ask is it halal to marry with my cousin now?

Nikaah while the girl is experiencing haidh

Q: Normally a girl knows about her periods and if a girl tells her mom that she is not going to have her periods and the mom sets the date for the wedding but on the day of the wedding, she suddenly has her periods, the question is will her nikah will be valid or not because the girl is having her periods?

Asking the husband for a divorce

Q: I am a new convert muslim sister, after reverting to islam. I was interested in being married to avoid any sins on my part and have some religious support from a husband who can support me and help me become a strong muslimah. I spoke to my friend and she found me a guy who seem to be nice and all at the time we started talking and etc. Before marriage, he agreed to let me see my family who live in different state then I in the united states. After marriage, he started to act weird and changing around and play head games with me and not wanting to take me to see my family. With the grace and mercy of Allah, he has given me strength to wear niqaab, and as I feel bad to leave my husband and fly alone to see my family who live really far from me. He doesn’t seem to understand or want to understand or possibly care that they are my family and I need to seem them. Every time I bring the idea of seeing my family, he gets angry at me and just changes the subject. I avoid the situation and go along with it because I don’t want to end things with him. He also not only has this problem, but he is born muslim from Bangladesh and knows and goes in jamaat but his attitude and dealing with me is just pure harsh. All I do is work in telephone company and I go to work in niqaab. I come home to clean everything and also go to school and do everything to be perfect before he comes from work, but still he finds reasons to get mad at me and hate me and scream and treat me bad. I don't know what to do. Not only this, he has physically and still physically abuses me every week or every other week when he has any problem at school or at work and doesn’t have good day, he just takes it out on me and hits me and curses at me and puts me down like I am some piece of trash. I love him a lot and I do everything to be good wife in getting reward from Allah. But now it has gone to far and I being beaten every week for the past 2 1/2 years like this and still haven’t seen my family. I can never discuss my feelings with him because he tells me I am annoying and just need to get out of his face. I also spend my time just being lonely and my family are far from Islam and non muslim so that really puts me in hard situation and they don’t like him at all. I recently met a person in a Islamic chatroom who told me that this has gone to far and needs to be addressed and that I need to stand up for myself. Now I feel some support that I have somebody who seems to care about me and feel a bit strong and I am ready to just leave him if he hits me again and the way he looks at me just doesn’t seem like I am his wife, but his enemy. I don't ask anything of dunya from him but just for him to allow me in his life like I am supposed to be in it in the first place. I am his wife and he never talks to me in nice way. He just whenever feel ok just says something and most of the time he is either annoyed by me or just doesn’t want to hear from me till its night time and we go to bed. For 2 1/2 years this is going on and I being beaten and hit so much that I could barely walk sometime. I don’t show this because I don't want him to end up in jail for this and need some support for this information. I would like to know that this person helped me a lot and now I want to leave him if he just hits me again and I will find another way and ask Allah for help but I cant be with him any more. He keeps saying he will change for the past one year but he never will change because he still hasn’t yet. He goes to anger management classes and it isn’t helping at all. He doesn’t want me anywhere near him or anything and I am really afraid of him now so I would like to know if it is ok if I leave him and ask for divorce in this situation?

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Kinaayah words of talaaq

Q: With regards to matter in reference we request your expert advice. Sister Aliya approached our offices on 24 June 2011 with her marital problem. She is married to her husband Malcolm Naidoo for five almost 5 years after he reverted to Islam. Since she married him she has numerous complaints about him not maintaining her or fulfilling her marital rights. The relationship has broken down and they are separated. She claims he is not a practising Muslim, cannot read the kalimah and does not perform Jumuah salaah. She is requesting her Talaaq.

We invited him to our offices the same day and he agreed to come but did not turn up for the appointment. Upon calling him he advised that he is not prepared to accede to her request as  he does not want to shoulder the burden of doing wrong  by divorcing. He maintains he is a Muslim although when questioned about salaah and other basics he was ignorant.

The sister has advised that on several occasions when in conversation with her husband requesting him for a divorce he told her “you are free” and “do what you want”. One such occasion was on Friday 24/6/2011 at our offices. She has submitted a document under oath confirming this. He is not prepared to come to our offices to take an oath to deny the wife’s claim. Please advise on the status of the Nikah.

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Pocket and grocery money for the wife

Q: A Molisab recently said in a bayan:

"The Islamic method of giving money to one's spouse (wife) is as follows; you should give her household shopping money so that she can buy food and other such things for the family (the husband and children). As regards to this 'shopping money' you are allowed to ask her to show you how she spent the money and she is not allowed to give sadaqa, etc from that money without your permission.

In addition to that you have to give her regular 'spending/pocket money' for her services to you as she can't go out to earn herself (as she is busy serving you and the children). As regards to this 'pocket money' after you give it to her it becomes her 'mi-lk' (possession) and therefore you can't ask her how she spent the money or who she spent it on, etc. If she wishes she can give it all to her parents and you have to right to ask or demand that she stops giving to her parents, etc.

The wife should also save up the 'pocket money' and give her zakat , go for hajj and perform other obligations with this money instead of paying zakat, etc from the husbands money "

Mufti saheb my question is - Is this statement of the Molisab correct?

Not being compatible with the Sheikh

Q: I live in a city called Birmingham in the UK.  You advised me to keep the company of the pious.  There is one scholar who is a graduate of Darul Uloom Bury, here in the UK.  He is the khalifa of a Naqshbandi Sheikh.  I have attended his Majlis for over a year.  I am ashamed to say that, due to my own weakness, I have obtained little benefit.  I have tried to concentrate and keep in touch with him. I have become demoralised because he is not easily accessible.  The reasons for this I feel are:

  1. I don’t feel able to speak openly to him.
  2. His serious demeanour makes him unapproachable at times.
  3. On a couple of occasions he has not responded to questions, which he has said he would go away and think about.
  4. Immediately after Salah, he usually goes home or if he does stay behind there are always close mureeds of his that that take all his time.

What should be done in such a situation?  I feel all alone and frustrated. 

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Writing talaakh instead of Talaaq

Q: My husband sent talaaqnama. I want to know that did the talaaq take place or not? In talaaqnama he wrote talaakh instid of writing talaaq.

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Purda from foster relations

Q: I have been adopted by my Paternal Uncle (fathers brother) due to him not having any children. My Uncles wife did breastfeed me, making her my Foster Mum. My Question is regarding parda with the following people, and making Salaam and shaking hands with them. Are the following Males, Mahram to me:

  1. My Foster Nana (foster mums father)?
  2. My Foster Nana's Brothers?

And is Parda required between my Husband and the following females:

  1. My Foster Mum?
  2. My Foster Nani (foster mums mother)?

*** Both of my Biological Parents are still alive ***

From what I understand, that all relations that are Haraam through Blood are all Haraam through Breastfeeding also. Please shed light on the above Laws, and if any other rules are to be known, please inform me.

Husband making demands that are not part of the duties of marriage

Q: A young girl has married over a year ago into a united family of five members comprising of her husband, his father, mother, younger brother (unmarried) and younger sister (already married). The husband’s demand over his wife is that she become part of and fully blend with his family in order to make him happy. His demand is that he will and can only be happy with her if his family is happy with her. The wife, whilst making some attempts to do so, has been having difficulty with and also occasionally unwilling to agree fully to keeping to the terms of his demand while also having to take care of a six month old baby.

Can this demand of the husband upon his wife be an acceptable and justifiable cause for his marriage to weaken or break up as he has threatened to do so on occasions?

How to spend the first night of marriage life according to Shari'ah

Q: Could you please forward me any article or kindly let me know any book name how one can spend first night marriage life according to Shari'ah as I was asked by one of my friends he told me that you have to make maswara with respected ulama, that's why only I am sending this message to you, kindly confirm urgently. 

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