Treating one's children equally

Q: If a mother says to her daughter, "when you were sick I was not so worried about you. But when your brother was sick I was worried to death. See he is a male child and I feared, without him what would be my life then."

Should a mother say all these words to her daughter? Are daughters so useless, although Islam has reached and all of muslims know what our Sahab (peace be upon him) said about daughters. Please tell me what Allah says about that mothers, saying all these words. Does a mother have a right to say anything to children (female), even hurting them? 


A: The mother should not say such things to her daughters. The Hadith teaches us that parents should treat their children equally. Allah Ta'ala says  لَا تَدْرُونَ أَيُّهُمْ أَقْرَبُ لَكُمْ نَفْعًا-You do not know which of your children will be of a greater benefit to you. At times one's daughters bring more benefit to the parents than the sons. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) was survived by his daughters as his male issues had passed away during his mubaarak lifetime. It appears in the hadith that on the day of Qiyaamah a father will be dispatched to Jahannum and it will be his daughters that will intercede to Allah Ta'ala on his behalf saying, " O Allah, though our father led a sinful life, however he had given us the correct upbringing and islamic education in his lifetime. O Allah forgive our father as he was instrumental on us coming on the straight path. " Hence on the intercession of the daughters, the father will be forgiven by Allah Ta'ala and saved from the fire of Jahannum.

And Allah Ta'ala knows best.

عن النعمان بن بشير أن أباه نحل إبنا له غلاما فأتى النبي صلى الله عليه و سلم يشده فقال أكل ولدك نحلته مثل ما نحلت هذا ؟ قال لا قال فاردده

قال أبو عيسى هذا حديث حسن صحيح وقد روي من غير وجه عن النعمان بن بشير والعمل على هذا عند بعض أهل العلم يستحبون التسوية بين الولد حتى قال بعضهم يسوي بين ولده حتى في القبلة وقال بعضهم يسوي بين ولده في النحل والعطية ( يعني الذكر والأنثى سواء ) وهو قول سفيان الثوري وقال بعضهم التسوية بين الولد أن يعطي للذكر مثل حظ الأنثيين مثل قسمة الميراث وهو قول أحمد و إسحق (جامع الترمذي رقم 1367)

Answered by:

Mufti Zakaria Makada

Checked & Approved:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)