Marital issues

Q: I have a question related to my ordeal of two marriages.

Despite my utmost efforts, to be patient with my first wife, treating her nicely and with love. Her mood swings are getting more unbearable. On one hands she accepts my second marriage, to the point of telling me to send money on time to my second wife. And just when, I am getting relaxed to normally run our life, she takes a u-turn and starts demanding to divorce her.

Last night again she made a u-turn, and started demanding divorce for her. I was patient and trying to explain to her, that at this time you are not thinking straight, so relax and be patient, everything will be ok but she continued to be aggressive. Then I said to her, if you want it that way, then call your family, and whatever you want to say, say in front of them. But she said, she will not call anyone, she has Allah as a witness. I tried to explain to her, that this is not the right way, whatever she wants to say, she must call in her elders. But she kept refusing. Then I asked her, what do you want from me, you want me to divorce my second wife? She said it does not make any difference, even if I do, she cannot trust me anymore. I was still being patient, but she kept pushing me, and her tone was direspectful. So, before matters got out of my hand, I left the house for a few hours. She has done this before also, when I didnt have any second wife. And about 8 months ago, we had an argument and I was telling her again and again, not to continue this argument, but she persisted and the word "talaq" blurted out from mouth, which I wasnt even thinking about. After ten minutes I realized it, and went back to her and apologized and told her it came out extreme anger.

Now she is again referring to that, that you said talaq when we were alone, I told her, I was in extreme anger and not in my senses. But she said, that talaq is done in extreme anger and is not done when a person is within senses. Nevertheless, she demanded that I write down talaq to her and give it to her, which I declined, that I do not want to give talaq, she is demanding it, so I will not do anything, unless she brings in her elders. I also offered her, that when you see me, you feel pain. I will start doing overtime at my workplace, even work on sunday, so you do not have to see me more than you have to.

Then I said, you claim that you do not have the same feelings for me anymore, you have three beautiful children, take peace in them, and what will happen to them? They will get get dragged in the scenario you are creating? She said she will think about the children later and besides they will grow up to be like me, "bewafa" unfaithful. The kids want to be attached to her, its natural for the children to be attached to the mother, but the atmosphere she created, the children shun her, and they just wait for me to come home.

To make it short, I left home at that time, so the situation cools down, and came back when she was asleep. In the light of Islam and sharia, is my first wife's demands valid. I am being patient still, but how much?

A: Ignore these types of freak comments and behaviour.

And Allah Ta'ala (الله تعالى) knows best.


Answered by:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)