Marital problems

Q: I’m from Pakistan. I got married last year with my cousins daughter who’s living in UK. From the time of engagement till wedding her family tried hard to manipulate me and my family over different family rules and culture. We did it what they wanted. But after marriage their demands became very high, but I didn’t said anything to them. Her family involvement became a irritating part for my and parents life. However, after 6 months of marriage they called me in UK on spouse visa, I bore every expected except near by myself but in sponsor letter my wife wrote that she has borne all expenses and will support me while my stay in UK, I ignored this as well just to keep peace in my relationship. On 20th June of this year I reached UK. It was very unexpected for me to bear my in laws and my wife reaction when I arrived there. They were very proud that they have called me in UK and due to them I am there. After all the confusion created in my head they suddenly tried to cut of my communication with my parents and relatives in Pakistan. My wife also took my passport and other documents from me and the money I brought there from Pakistan. According to my senses she was doing all of this on her parents command but I didn’t accused her for this just for the sake of our relationship. Their behaviour was getting worst day by day. I started working there in an organisation, at that point my wife and her family pressurised me to open a joint account with my wife, there were a lot arguments between us on this issue but at the end I decided to compromise just for the sake of my relationship. Then they tried to cut off my contact with my parents, I didn’t bothered about these issue as I thought these are common issues in every relationship. But our arguments getting worst and worst, her parents and family were supporting her continually. They also blamed me and my parents for every issue. That’s the point I decided to stand up against them to stop verbal abuse against my mother and father. Her parents played a very negative role in these issues but nothing can be done to stop them, I was alone fighting against 10 of them. At the very end of our journey in UK her father abused my mother, father, brother, Bhabi, and me as well. And then I decided to tell everything to my parents to resolve these issues but there was nothing that can be resolved , her parents were not compromising over anything, in their perspective they wanted my to follow them no matter what. As a Muslim I can’t do that, simply. After days, They started to torture me mentally and most of the days they left me home without food, they also see my phone to ensure that I’m not taking to my parents. My wife installed a voice recording device in house to record my voice when I’m irritated and angry. On 24th of November my wife and my father in law decided to take me back in Pakistan to resolve the issues with my father. They took me here in their possessions and dropped me in front of my house and drove away without talking to me or my parents, after one day my father in law called my father to come at their place to talk about issues, i stoped my father to go there because of their behaviour. My father in law was threatening me and my family that he will destroy us, he has told his bouncers they are waiting for his command, this was happening since I was in UK, only for this reason I stopped my father to go there and invite them here or elsewhere. Now they have left me here in Pakistan and both of them my wife and father in law have gone back to UK without resolving anything. My passport and other documents are in their possession. My money whhich almost 10 lakh is in their possession. And now they want to get divorce, which I can’t. I love her and I want to spend my life with her. It’s my loyalty and honesty and the fear of Allah that I’m still want to spend my life with her. My question for you: is there any possibility or something I can do to save my relationship. My mind is blocked and i can’t decide what should I do. Can you please guid me, in this issue. Thank you

A: I suggest that you consult some elder of the family that both can agree upon or an aalim that is experienced and both families can agree upon. Sit and mutually discuss the concerns. May Allah take out a solution for you.

And Allah Ta'ala (الله تعالى) knows best.


Answered by:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)