Marital problems

Q: I am married for 4 years. 2 months ago after an argument, my husband walked out and abandoned our baby and I with no contact or financial assistance at all since then. I am unemployed and currently studying. Immediately after he left, the elders in my family tried to contact him to set up a meeting for a reconciliation or even to understand why he walked out. My husband has refuted any contact my family or I make with him. He has since then hired a lawyer to fight for his rights as a fater. According to my husbands lawyer, my husband has no wish to reconcile and feels the marriage is already over.

Over the span of our marriage he has committed many act of abuse to me with the last being of sexual abuse which occured a week befor he left us. He has also done some disturbing acts towards our 3 year old daughter. All of these abuses are linked to only a single issue. He has made me the enemy of his parents. And he has done that from the beginning of our marriage with no questions asked . The sole reason of me remaining married to him was I felt that if only he understood I was not the enemy he would treat me differently. Him being a Moulana and a marriage officer, I sincerely felt that if he took the time to assess the truth he would have realized I have no fault in what he blamed me for. He has waltzed into my life caused an upheaval for myself, daughter and family and he has now walked out. He refuses to even say why he wants to divorce me.

I know what my grievances are towards him. And I have tried many avenues to help our marriage. But he has never once told me my fault or tried to explain why he hates me. I have never cheated on him, never stole from him, never abused him or belittle/insult him or his famiy. His only issue with me is that I prevented his parents from seeing our child. But that too is incorrect. Yes the day after my daughter was born I did say that I did not want them to see her. But this was due to a large number of terrible reasons including blackmagic. However within 5 months later and thereafter many many times my family and I have tried to speak to them and tried to get them to see their grandchild. But they refused everytime. He blames me for this. His ultimate goal was to provide a grandchild for his mother.

I dont want him back in fear that he is capable of fully sexually harming my daughter and I and even killing us. Its already going for 3 months and he still has not divorced me yet he is fighting for visitational rights. I have read on that if a man leaves his home on his own he is still liable to maintain his wife. He has shattered me emotionally. He has destroyed our lives. Im not greedy for his money but if that is a way I can seek relief from all of the anguish he has caused onto my family and I, I am willing to take it. His actions have damaged me. What are the rulings against him maintaining me. Is it Islamically so easy for him to simply abandon me because in his mind I am the enemy? 

A: I suggest that you discuss this matter with the elders of your family. May Allah Ta`ala create an exit for you from your problem.

And Allah Ta'ala (الله تعالى) knows best.


Answered by:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)