Treating one's children equally

Q: Please advise on the following:

A father has three children. A daughter and two sons. One son is married.

The father owns a business and both the sons work for the father, while the daughter helps out occasionally.

For the son that is married, the father gave them a house, pays for their water, lights, car payments, fuel, phone payments, etc. The father also pays for numerous holidays and gives them spending money for the holidays. The son is then given a large salary at the end of every month. The father in law is also required to pay for all the daughter in laws wants.

The other son and daughter both live with the parents still and thus the basic food and housing needs are taken care of. The unmarried children are given an allowance which they use for any extras such as clothing, car payments, holidays, hobby's, etc. This often leads to a lot of conflict in the family.

My question are as follows:

1. In a case like this, is the father being fair and just to his children?

2. Is there any difference in providing gifts, or support to the married son and unmarried son/daughter?

3. Is it compulsory for the daughter to work in the business to be given the same as the son while the parents are alive?

4. If the father spends on his wife (mother), is it compulsory for the daughter in law to receive the same?

5. Is it compulsory for the husband to provide the wife with an allowance? (not to be used for any households expenses or personal needs)

6. What obligations do the parents have towards the daughter in law with regards to financial support for needs and luxuries?

7. Is it the parents responsibility to buy and pay for the married son's house, car for the daughter in law, supporting the children on the grounds that he is working in the business and is entitled to it? (this excluding a monthly salary)


1. In the spirit of fairness and justice we would like to hear from the father directly as to why does he distribute his finances in this way. Does he have any valid reason for this?

2. As above.

3. It is not at all in the spirit of deen to insist on the daughter to come and work in the business. The woman's place is in the home, and only for a few coppers to pull her out from the respectable environment that deen has honoured her with, is really not appropriate.

4. Does he have any reason for this?

5. It is compulsory to see that her basic needs are provided.

6. The obligation is the husband's, not the father's.

7. It is not a compulsory duty of the parents.

And Allah Ta'ala (الله تعالى) knows best.


Answered by:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)