Involved in a Haraam relationship
Q: I am really sorry for a long question. I tried to explain my situation to you in the shortest possible way. Please read it. I am contacting you from England. I am a woman of 22 years old. My query is regarding my personal life. I am the youngest in my family. I have two elder sisters. One of them has a boyfriend - she's 23. My parents know and every time they interrogate her, she creates a huge scene in the house, yelling, losing her head, breaking things etc. She used to see him almost everyday when she went university. Though my parents still know some of the things she does outside the home, they keep quiet now because they are scared of what she will do if they interrogate her again. My mum is very upset and she cries, once just in front of me as she believes that they are responsible for my sister's deeds and they will get the gunnah for it as my parents believe that until the girl is with her parents, her parents get gunnah for whatever she does. My parents did everything they could for us. They even made us Hafiz-e-Quran. We wear abayas. It is now holidays from university and my sister cannot see her boyfriend as frequently as she used to. My mum went back home recently leaving me, my sister and my dad behind. My dad goes out to work and I found out that my sister is seeing him again and what's worse, she is seeing him in our own home! Once when i was sleeping upstairs, he came home and he was downstairs with her and once I went out with dad, she called him home and he came to see her inside our own house. My parents don't know about this and my sister doesn't know that I know either. I don't know what to do. If I tell my parents, I am scared, God forbid, they will have a heart attack. Both are already very ill. Even I dropped on the floor when I found out about him coming to our own house. My parents are very religious and I try to be religious too. My other sister is supportive of her. If I didn't do anything about it, I feel somewhat responsible too. Please help me in the light of Quran and Sunnah what I should do. I really don't want to upset my parents even more and really want her to stop at the same time.
A: Islam commands that women should remain within the confines of their homes. Without a valid need, they should not leave their homes. In this lies their complete success and the pleasure of Allah Ta’aala. Through allowing women to leave their homes and venture into anti-Islamic environments e.g. schools, universities, business sectors etc., wherein intermingling freely takes place and the laws of Shariah are violated, we are only inviting the wrath of Allah Ta’aala and creating an atmosphere of immodesty and immorality. The devastating outcome of such actions is evident. Of what good is that worldly degree which is acquired at the expense of compromising one’s Islamic values, losing one’s shame and respect and earning the displeasure of Allah Ta’aala?
Once Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) questioned the Sahaabah (Radiallahu Anhum) as to what was the most beneficial thing for women (i.e. the thing most beloved in the sight of Allah Ta’aala and most safeguarding for their deen). None of the Sahaabah had given any answer to Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) in that gathering. When Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu Anhu) returned home and informed Hadhrat Fatima (Radiallahu Anha) regarding the question Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) posed to the Sahaabah. She spontaneously answered, “The thing most beneficial for women and most beloved in the sight of Allah Ta’aala (in safeguarding their deen) is that they do not have any contact with men (looking, meeting etc.) and that men do not have any contact with them.” When Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) was informed of the response of Hadhrat Fatima (Radiallahu Anha), Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “Fatima is part of me.”
Islam has made provisions for the needs of women to be fulfilled under all circumstances. Prior to nikah they are the responsibility of their fathers, and after nikah they are the responsibility of their husbands. In the event of the husband’s demise, shariah commands that they be taken care of by their close family members e.g. fathers, brothers, uncles etc.
Now that your sister is entangled in a Haraam relationship and she is not prepared to separate from the person she is involved with, the sensible thing to do is (after explaining to her the sins she is involved in,) get her married to the person she is inclined to if they are compatible and he possesses Islamic values, so that they may not continue living in haraam.
وعن النواس بن سمعان قال : قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم : " لا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الخالق " . رواه في شرح السنة (مشكوٰة المصابيح ص321)
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ قُل لِّأَزْوَاجِكَ وَبَنَاتِكَ وَنِسَاءِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ يُدْنِينَ عَلَيْهِنَّ مِن جَلَابِيبِهِنَّ (سورة الأحزاب 59)
عن علي أنه كان عند النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم فقال: "أي شيء خير للمرأة؟ فسكتوا، قال: فلما رجعت قلت: لفاطمة: أي شيء خير للنساء؟ قالت لا يرين الرجال ولا يرونهن، فذكرت ذلك للنبي صلى الله عليه وسلم فقال: إنما فاطمة بضعة مني (البزار ، وأبو نعيم فى الحلية وضعف) [كنز العمال 46012]
عن أم سلمة قالت كنت عند رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم وعنده ميمونة فأقبل ابن أم مكتوم وذلك بعد أن أمرنا بالحجاب فقال النبى صلى الله عليه وسلم احتجبا منه. فقلنا يا رسول الله أليس أعمى لا يبصرنا ولا يعرفنا فقال النبى صلى الله عليه وسلم أفعمياوان أنتما ألستما تبصرانه (رواه أبو داود 2/568)
(بذل المجهود باب في المحرمة تغطي وجهها 3/121)
معقل بن يسار يقول : قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم : لأن يطعن في رأس أحدكم بمخيط من حديد خير له من أن يمس امرأة لا تحل له (طبراني كبير 20/211 #17242)
عن أبي أمامة : عن رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم قال : إياكم والخلوة بالنساء والذي نفسي بيده ما خلا رجل وامرأة إلا خل الشيطان بينهما وليزحم رجل خنزيرا متلطخا بطين أو حمأة خير له من أن يزحم منكبه منكب امرأة لا تحل له (طبراني كبير 8/205 #7846)
عن عقبة بن عامر : أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم قال إياكم والدخول على النساء فقال رجل من الأنصار يا رسول الله ! أفرأيت الحمو ؟ قال الحمو الموت (ترمذي 1/220)
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