Q: I did a nikah with my cousin without telling my parents. I was a very young teenager. There were a couple of friends and him with me on the conference call. He recorded the call as proof. Other than this, there is no legal document or signature. None of our walies were present and neither did they know. Now, both parties know, but I don't want to keep up this relationship. I haven't spoken to him for 3 years now and want to end this relationship because I like someone else. I started to hate my parents when I was in relationship to my cousin. I actually went in along with another relationship, doubting the validity of the cousin nikah relationship. I want to marry this new guy because he has made me feel more secure and never talks ill of my parents, whereas the cousin continuously bombards my dad with emails that he wouldn't leave me and trash talks about me just to make my parents fall for his demand which made me cry. The new guy is my age but very sensible, prays 5 times a day and has always encouraged me towards my parents whereas my cousin is the exact opposite. The truth is that he would ho out of his way to love me, but just let things go wrong, or even me not 'obeying' him, (in the past experience) I would be afraid of what plans he has in store to jeopardise my dignity and value just for things to go his way - out of fear obedience. Please help me. Is this nikaah valid and how can I approach my parents with a proposal towards this new guy because they probably would think I am making the same mistake twice but I am 20 now and not a 16 year old girl anymore who wasn't clear about her wants. The new guy knows every thing about this nikah and wants to accept me regardless of the nikah. Please tell me the validity of such a nikaah and how to approach my parents. My parents were so worried and were suggesting me to go back home and try to live with the cousin and see if I like it and then terminate the relationship later because they fear the cousin might not listen and they don't want their self respect to be marred through his childish demands. I don't want to try and live there cause I know it will be a whole new story then. Right now, I am with my parents. Later, I will be a representative of the cousin, his mom dad siblings and his whole household. I don't want to harm their family repute as well as mine. I love his family because they are my relatives and hold no grudges against them. I don't want to maintain any physical relationship (which will be inevitable if I go to him) I have feelings for another man who admires my father so much and is a keen learner of deen and respects me. I am afraid to approach my parents cause they would cast him as another mistake of mine and scold me because apparently they for some reason think that maybe I should submit myself to them - but liking someone and offering a choice is not bad. Its not like I have killed feelings to even think again about maybe choosing my spouse - with all due respect with the agreement of my parents. Please answer my concern. I am waiting anxiously.
