Living an Islamic lifestyle in a western environment
Q: I am a 20 year old girl living in a western country since birth. I come from a very strict cultural family from Pakistan who are very conservative in their mindset and often mix culture with Islam. Nevertheless I want to state that I do respect my parents despite our clashing mindsets. Since the last few years my father especially gets extremely angry, shouting and saying horrible irrational things about my character, threatening to pull me out of Uni etc. over ridiculously minute things such as me wearing a bit of makeup or wearing jeans etc. He uses the excuse of Islam and constantly tells me I am a terrible muslim and a disgrace because I don't have that outward image of a "perfect muslim girl" despite me knowing in my heart that I try my best to be a good muslim in my own way-I do my best to pray 5 times a day, be a good, kind person and am slowly building up my islamic knowledge.
While I understand that wearing hijab and modest clothing is fardh in islam and that it may be one of my weaknesses (and everyone has their own weaknesses), I do not dress outrageously bad (eg. show too much skin or wear anything too tight) or any different to that of most muslim women in our western society, even those who wear hijab. I know my own limits and islamically for them to force it upon me to dress like women do in my father's village is unrealistic and incorrect.
I don't mean to say i'm an amazing muslim and he is a horrible one or a horrible parent but the mentality he was raised with does not allow him to see beyond his own beliefs. For him not wearing makeup, wearing hijab and long, loose clothing, but NOT praying or reading Quran or having internal faith, is better than me doing my best to practise and be a good person but not have that "ideal" outward appearance ie. he cares more about following the norms of the society he was brought up in but uses religion as an excuse. He doesn't even attempt to understand that I have grown up in a western society, (even though he's the one who brought us here) that my thinking is more open and that he cannot compare me to women living in his village, it is just completely unrealistic.
I know how important respecting and obeying your parents is in Islam and even though my parents think I try to "hurt them" on purpose by doing these things which make them angry, I know in my heart I do not and how much it hurts me that they do not understand things from my point of view. I cannot help but react negatively at times when such arguments and incidents happen as I too feel suffocated but at the same time feel guilty as I don't know how I can live my life and please my parents without being their little puppet and doing everything as per their terms because ultimately I am an adult and I will answer to Allah myself.
I feel extremely stuck and need the opinion of someone with more islamic knowledge than me. I just want to practise my religion in my own way and at my own pace but don't want to hurt my parents either or make them feel like I have betrayed them/ disrespect them.
A: Fortunate is that woman who respects her parents and elders, and by and large respects the system of Allah Ta'ala and Nabi (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) though it may not be the system that is practised where she lives. Move onto that system and way and Allah Ta'ala will bless you. Don't be overwhelmed by your current environment and surroundings.
And Allah Ta'ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
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