domestic problems

Q: I read somewhere that when a couple date before marriage, the sins of dating could sabotage the happiness in the marriage and when things are done the halaal way then there’s less likelihood of problems arising. But, if anything should go wrong even when done the halaal way, then at least they would know that it was a test from Allah and that the sins of dating did not contribute to it since they would not have done so. Therefore, if they did everything in the halaal way, they wouldn’t have any regrets thinking they should have done things differently.

Q: My friend's mother died last year and they had 8 kids. It was less than a year and the dad fought with his children on purpose and ruined his kids birthday so that he can go Pakistan. It was a planned visit and went Pakistan and got married against his kids wishes. All he does is listens to his wife and has pushed all his kids away from him. He don't listen to the kids and all he does all day is talks to his wife. All he does is listens to that lady and then wants his kids to listen to him. Don't know what she should do? The lady is greedy and wants him to give his lands to her and not to his family. Also all she ever does is asks for money. Her family is greedy but he wont listen. The kids are so lonely and on the verge of doing something wrong?

Q: I have been searched to the best of my ability for some years now and always the ullamah of my country tell me to bear patience to a point now I think they pick what is in the sharia that favours customs and for aspects that do not favour customs they ask us to be patient. I have wanted to get married for the past for the past nine years but my mother has obstructed it from happening, I am 28 now and my dad has died when I was 12, it has reached a point in our living with her is unbearable we both dislike each other, though I decided to forgive her because I don't want to have to face Allah on judgment day complaining about all the wrongs that have been done to me, but she hates me she cries in her sallah complaining to Allah about me, she says I make her heart black (I can only assume that's hate for me). I feel she is oppressing me to achieve her motives. The problem runs really deep writing it all down would be extremely revealing, so my question now is "should I pack my things and leave her house, as she doesn't love me and I darken her heart because I refused to obey her flimsy excuses of the kind of husband she wants for me and the life she wants for her self through me. I would be moving to my paternal uncles home." I use to think of killing her or killing myself some time back then I realized it would jeopardize my chance of entering Jannah. Thank you for taking your time to read through, am grateful.

Q: My question is regarding parents fighting and being separated. They have been fighting my whole life with as time passes fights have gotten uglier with lots of physical and verbal abuse. I am married now and stay a few hours away from them but they still drag me into their arguments and both expect me to say they are right and the other is wrong. I'm really tired and can't deal with it anymore. I just can't move on with my life and they keep dragging me down making me feel guilty that I am happy with my husband. What is the Islamic ruling on parents who do that. I don't want to be disobedient to them in any way because I fear Allah's punishment but I don't know what to do and how to deal with this.

Q: My husband and I have a daughter Alhamdullilah and Allah has blessed us with twin boys who will be born soon In Shaa Allah. I am stuck as to what to do. My mother who has decided to marry again this will be her forth marriage but this choice has made both myself and my sister very unhappy we are heartbroken about it as she has before gotten married without our knowledge. Now this time she has told us that she made this choice and did not ask our opinion or how we felt. I know it is Sunnah to be married, but this decision has caused so much pain to my marriage as well as my husband is always saying really bad things about her and I am constantly having to pick sides. I cannot find a way to solve this I am suffering but cannot explain to my husband that she is still my mother and I need to respect her but what if I can never accept her decision to marry again. I don't want my children to suffer as well and I am afraid this will cause her to not meet with her grandchildren. May Allah guide in this difficult time. Based of the above. Is what my mother is doing correct by choosing to marry over the heartbreak of her children?

Q: I like to know that if your husband forbids you to visit your mother with good reason, do you still go without his permission or abide by his command? She has done and said terrible things in past and I really want to see her, but in fear that she will control our lives and say and do those awful things again and cause us to be so stressed he thinks it's wise I stay away. What does one do in this case?