advice

Stray thoughts and feelings

Q: I have a question regarding my friend. I don't know if it's my wahem, or it really does happen with me. Whenever I imagine my self in any situation or I think that I probably have some disease, my friend gets diagnosed with the same disease after some time and he also gets into the situation, I imagine my self in. I don't what should I do. I can not stop thinking about myself, but i'm also worried about him. Please help me.

Choosing a spouse

Q: I was reciting many duas for getting married and finding a good spouse (like rabbi inni lima anzalta ilaiyya min khairin fakeer and innama ashku bassi wa huzni illallah) and I got a proposal a bit strangely. The mother of the boy saw me in the market and started asking my mother questions. Then they came to our house. They seem like very nice people. The problem is that Im still confused, the boy doesnt seem very relegious and he did his graduation from London so he is friends with all kind of people. We asked our imam of the masjid and he said that this proposal is good for me. I have performed istikhara for 7 days and didnt see any dream so mufti sahab asked me to offer 2 rakaht nafal prayer in which I would recite surah kosar 41 times in the first rakat and recite surah nasr 41 times in the 2nd rakaht. I read this nafal for almost 7 days and saw different dreams. One wasnt good and others were good but according to mufti sahab the bad one could be the evil dream but im extremely confused and worried. Please help me out as this decision is the biggest decision of my life and I dont want to regret later on.

Marital issues

Q: I have been married for four months. My husband earns a decent salalry and is loving. However the problem arises when my husband leaves me with my in laws and then goes to his office. During the day I'm expected to serve my in laws, which obviously they dont acknowledge. On his return from the office, which is around late 11'o clock, he takes me back to his rented apartment and there he helps me with the daily chores. Needless to mention we do discuss my day which ends up in an argument. On his week off, my husband is supposed to stay with my in laws and he cannot sit or talk to me because that sounds indisciplined to my father in law. If he spends time with me on weekends, I have to face cold vibes from my in laws. I spoke to my husband that its better for our relationship that I stay at our rented apartmnent. Still everyday he drops me off at my in laws. Besides this I asked my mother in law to pay us a little more than 250 rupees daily a month so that we can save and buy our own apartment. She created a fuss that I want all of my husbands salary and I'm being selfish. My husbands salary goes entirely to his parents and he is given 250 rupees daily by his parents. When I tried to clear the misunderstanding that I only asked for dividing his income in two equal parts, they said that I was selfish and a home eater. Also my husband has to seek permision from my father in law whether he can take me out or not. All that makes me feel hatred towards my husband as he cant stand an speak up for me. I want to know if I am wrong if I seek my husbands time and half his earnings? Am I wrong in saying that I dont want my father in law to decide for us? Should I be patient or ask them for my rights?

Bad luck

Q: I have a problem if you could give me advice and letting me know what is the problem. Most people called me bad luck (منحوس) and some how I realized that I really am because nothing is working out with me. Now when I am really thinking about it, somehow it is true. If I start working for any friend, their work or business goes down and if I want to start investing money, that business gets problems. I am more than eligible and want to work till the last moment but at the end it doesnt happen. So many times I have found someone and wanted to go further and get married but somehow I do istekhara and it didnt work out. My dad holds a degree from Madina university KSA but when I was sbout 13 years old my dad married another woman. My dad was a business man and later I realized that my father took money from everyone and he told them that you are my partner in my business. He showed them that the business is good but it wasn't. Many family people trusted him and gave him money and he didnt return the money. No one knows where the money goes. I told you this short story because everyone and their family has been in worst situation. Is it because of their curse that I am not moving forward? Is it because of their bad-dua that I cant be something in life? I really am confused and sometimes it makes me cry that I didn't do anything wrong with any people then why I am a bad luck person for people? For a long time I wasnt talking to my dad and told him that you are a wrong person, even he wasn't satisfied with me and was really upset that I dont visit him. I am not talking with him often but if he has some work then he would call and I would go but now I am little bit ok. We do talk sometimes and he is always telling me to forgive him and do dua for me. Please give me an advice and show me the way so everything works out.

Waalidah aur biwi me se kis ko khush kare?

Q: Mujhe ap se inthai aham aur nazok masla pocha ha.main auk sarkari molazim hon.mahwar tankhow 20000 ha meri shadi ko 10 sal ho choke hain mere 2 bache bi hain Allaha ka shokor ah azwagi zindgi bahot achi gozar rahe ha.

Lakin masla ye ha kh mere parents khas tor pe waldha ki waja se meri azwaji zindgi aur zahini pereshani had se zinda rahe ha. main janta hon kh waldha ka maqam bahot se bi bahot zidha ha.is waja se in 10 salaon main main ne 1 lafz bi nahe kaha balkh momlat ko dorost aur waldha ko khosh karne k chakar main bahot dafa apni wife pe hath uthaya ha. Ab masla ye ha kh mere chote bhai ki shadi ho choki ha to mujh se chota bhai sakht mizaj ka ha,meri walda os k sath thik ha,os ki wife k sath be had se zida thik ha,lakin meri wife k sath her bat pe zid mere sath her bat pe larai.For example meri beti aur meri sister ki umer main taqriban 4 sal ka farqho ga taqriban 6 ki meri beti and my sister is 10 years old.meri pori koshish hoti ha kh jo chiz apni beit k lie lon wahe sister k lie bi but meri tankhwo intin nahe kah main bahot zida khrcha kar sakon pher bi koshsh hot ha..lakin ager kabi meri wife meri beti k lie kuch le le to bus jahgra shoro kh tumhri wife ne to apni marzi ki meri biti k lie kun nahe lai.and mera sara din is kam main gozar jata ha kaha waldha naraz na hon.lakin pher bi wo khsh nahe main kua karon.main ye soch soch k zahni mariz hota ja rah hon kh main hamesha se khd se apni wife se apni sister aur brothers aur waldha ko tarjhe di.pher mere sathe he esa salok kun ager adat ha meri walda ki to mere sathe he kun bhi k sath to thik on ko kuch nahe kahti balkah on ki chota se chota kam bi khod karti hain on ki wife ka on ka.aur mere sath nagaive behavour kun.Main khoda k khof se pher mafi mangta hon wo pher is taraha karti han mere 10 sal is tarha gozar ge ab main ahsaass e mahromi wali kafet se gozar raha hon na gor apni biwi bachon ko attention de pa raha hon na kuch.Mujhe kua karna chahe please mujhe raste btye main bahot taklife main hon.walda ki waja se apne wife apne bachon ka haq na mar jaon aur apni biwi aur bachon ki waja se waldin ka na haq mar joan. jabhkha meri wife auk parhe likhi khaton hain aur bahot coprative hain.main ne bahot sari urton se bahot acha paya ha ose.mere aur mere parnts k sath mokhlis ha wo bi main kua karon.Jabkha mere wald sahb ki pay 42000 ha aur mere parents mashallaha sahitmand hain.

Marital problems

Q: Im a 40 year old male, married to the same woman now twice, 3 kids. Nothing has changed since our first marriage and I dont seem like anything will. My wife is unaffectionate, loving, no motherly time, no husband time, only about her business and her issues in her life. Im tired, everyday I wonder should I leave, if I do I will die without my kids. I cannot even think of waking up and not having them there. Life must have a solution, speaking to her does not change anything. Every day that goes by Im slowly dieing inside. What do I do?

Husband forcing his wife to remove her niqaab

Q: Husband is against niqaab and compells wife to mingle with his family male members. He doesnt want to divorce her but pressuring and humiliating her for changing her to speak to men and fights for the same. Wife is keen on covering herself and wants to know if she can divorce her husband? Will Allah have anger on her if she do so? Their kid is 8 years old, will she get the custody of her kid?

Marital problems

Q: My son married a girl of his choice. She is short tempered and does not take care of his clothes and food. She pushed him twice to give talaaq. He does not want to do anything against Deen. He thinks he is stuck with her for the rest of his life. She demanded to live separately so he got her a house. But they still fight a lot. He is very unhappy. What does the Deen say in this regard? Can he separate her?

Financial problems

Q: I keep hitting a dead end with my business, and recently smashed a car twice in one week. Work gets done, but clients keep avoiding me and shukar to Allah Ta'ala that he makes that little come. If you can let me know if I should worry, as the past I had in law and family hasad and other related issues. I have two boys, one 4 and the other 1 year. Im married for 9 years to a revert.