Q: The more I saw him act like that and hurt me the more my sihr took over and I remember repeatedly getting thoughts to hurt him more, something in my mind saying now is your chance to push him so hard that he will regret it. This came into my mind over and over and I got nastier and nastier I could not control myself either, this time I could not even stop, then all I remember was him coming up to my face saying 'if this is what you want then here take it, divorce, divorce, divorce. You asked and pushed for it now there you have it' I still went on not thinking clearly now more angry than ever, I provoked him more saying you going to regret this again and come crying to me tomorrow put it in writing you coward and he did, saying 'I divorce Fathima because of her family' I realized now that he was in such a state that if I put a gun in his hand as well and told him to shoot himself, he would have which he confirmed. That's how lost he was. I really believe without a doubt that he would and that’s the scariest thought! Even though damage is done to some extent I could not lose him forever. I love him for the pleasure of Allah and he is everything I ever wanted, I just wish this would stop! I then still went on and he still went on I knew he had lost it this time, lost his mind as he did not know the nonsense he was uttering. He then broke the dishes by slamming it to the ground, pieces flying all over and stormed up and down punching the wall and going mad. I kept wondering who is this guy he is insane! I told him you're a lunatic and he said yes that's who you've made me. After a while it hit me when I was normal again, I started to cry and then my whole world came crashing down. I did not know what overtook me.
All I know and swear by is that Wallahi I know he was not of sane mind and this time I pushed him to the limit. I believe in my heart it is not valid as I know my husband, he would never hurt someone especially me unintentionally. He never behaves like that, definitely not breaking things. The Mufti I had been seeking help from can even verify the state his mind has come to throughout our marriage and the pain we've been through. He even had to see a psychologist to cope although he detests them but we tried everything we could. Of course the psychologist could not understand the sihr which made him worse off and lose hope.
Below are the words of my husband stating what led to this state, his honest and sincere state of mind at the time and the outcome.
'The build up of the sihr and ongoing fights, family issues and my wife pushing me away by defending her family's actions were killing me inside. We had a hard week as the more I tried and thought I was doing right, the more she made me feel it was just not good enough. I was feeling extremely low and life didn't matter that week and I have no reason for why I felt like that. I caught myself imagining being hit by a truck and was not afraid of that happening. Then Saturday came after a few arguments that led up to the day. The family issue came up and I told my wife I was not in the mood to see them but was still willing to go. This hurt her and she got affected and an argument started. This was such a difficult topic for both of us and with so much emotion. One thing led to another and we said things that hurt one another. She wanted to walk away I stopped her then when I wanted to walk away she stopped me but by then I was so angry the push she gave me to sit down set off such anger which I have never experienced before. I lost my mind and broke cups and plates and swore her like she meant nothing. I punched walls and continued to degrade her. I love her with all my heart and never would I ever speak to her like that.
When things calmed down I could only remember slight flashbacks of what happened. I got so scared and didn't know what to do as I later remembered with that state of mind I had asked her is this what what you want so here take it divorce divorce divorce. Now you got what you provoked and pushed me to do all the time. She wasn't herself as I know the sihr and my rage and crazy behaviour pushed her beyond limits she was forced to provoke me which in my insane state was not difficult as if I had a gun or was driving I would easily ended my life. I sit here after a few days hating myself. I can't sleep, I can't concentrate, all I know is I had no control of neither my mind nor body and regret saying that to my wife. In my heart I believe she is still my wife as I love her and if I was thinking I would never have uttered these words. I'm so scared and believe I have made the biggest mistake in my life and if so, Allah may punish me in this life and the hereafter for throwing away such a gift, my wife and the love she has for me. I regret my actions and will love her and see her as my wife no matter what.
Jazakallah for your help and time. Please could you see where we are coming from and advise accordingly.
A: When the words of divorce have been uttered, the divorce is applicable. It is obvious that divorce is said in the state of anger. No person utters the words of divorce in the state of happiness and love.
الطَّلَاقُ مَرَّتَانِ فَإِمْسَاكٌ بِمَعْرُوفٍ أَوْ تَسْرِيحٌ بِإِحْسَانٍ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَن تَأْخُذُوا مِمَّا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ شَيْئًا إِلَّا أَن يَخَافَا أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ اللَّـهِ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ اللَّـهِ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا فِيمَا افْتَدَتْ بِهِ تِلْكَ حُدُودُ اللَّـهِ فَلَا تَعْتَدُوهَا وَمَن يَتَعَدَّ حُدُودَ اللَّـهِ فَأُولَـئِكَ هُمُ الظَّالِمُونَ ﴿٢٢٩﴾ فَإِن طَلَّقَهَا فَلَا تَحِلُّ لَهُ مِن بَعْدُ حَتَّى تَنكِحَ زَوْجًا غَيْرَهُ فَإِن طَلَّقَهَا فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا أَن يَتَرَاجَعَا إِن ظَنَّا أَن يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ اللَّـهِ وَتِلْكَ حُدُودُ اللَّـهِ يُبَيِّنُهَا لِقَوْمٍ يَعْلَمُونَ ﴿٢٣٠﴾ (سورة البقرةالآية 229-230)
"باب من أجاز طلاق الثلاث" واعلم أن الطلاق البدعي ينقسم عندنا إلى قسمين: بدعي من حيث الوقت وهو في زمان الحيض و بدعي من حيث العدد وأما عند الشافعي فلا بدعي عنده من حيث العدد فلا يكون الجمع بين الطلاقات الثلاث بدعة عنده وإليه مال المصنف خلافا للجمهور (فيض الباري على شرح البخاري 4/310-311)
( والبدعي ثلاث متفرقة ) أو اثنتان بمرة أو مرتين في طهر واحد ( لا رجعة فيه ...)
و قال الشامي : قوله ( ثلاثة متفرقة ) وكذا بكلمة واحدة بالأولى وعن الإمامية لا يقع بلفظ الثلاث ولا في حالة الحيض لأنه بدعة محرمة وعن ابن عباس يقع به واحدة وبه قال ابن إسحاق وطاوس وعكرمة لما في مسلم أن ابن عباس قال كان الطلاق على عهد رسول الله وأبي بكر وسنتين من خلافة عمر طلاق الثلاث واحدة فقال عمر إن الناس قد استعجلوا في أمر كان لهم فيه أناة فلو أمضيناه عليهم فأمضاه عليهم وذهب جمهور الصحابة والتابعين ومن بعدهم من أئمة المسلمين إلى أنه يقع ثلاث قال في الفتح بعد سوق الأحاديث الدالة عليه وهذا يعارض ما تقدم وأما إمضاء عمر الثلاث عليهم مع عدم مخالفة الصحابة له وعلمه بأنها كانت واحدة فلا يمكن إلا وقد اطلعوا في الزمان المتأخر على وجود ناسخ أو لعلمهم بانتهاء الحكم لذلك لعلمهم وقول بعض الحنابلة توفي رسول الله عن مائة ألف عين رأته فهل صح لكم عنهم أو عن عشر عشر عشرهم القول بوقوع الثلاث باطل أما أولا فإجماعهم ظاهر لأنه لم ينقل عن أحد منهم أنه خالف عمر حين أمضى الثلاث ولا يلزم في نقل الحكم الإجماعي عن مائة ألف تسمية كل في مجلد كبير لحكم واحد على أنه إجماع سكوتي وأما ثانيا فالعبرة في نقل الإجماع نقل ما عن المجتهدين والمائة ألف لا يبلغ عدة المجتهدين الفقهاء منهم أكثر من عشرين كالخلفاء والعبادلة وزيد بن ثابت ومعاذ بن جبل وأنس وأبي هريرة والباقون يرجعون إليهم ويستفتون منهم وقد ثبت النقل عن أكثرهم صريحا بإيقاع الثلاث ولم يظهر لهم مخالف فماذا بعد الحق إلا الضلال وعن هذا قلنا لو حكم حاكم بأنها واحدة لم ينفذ حكمه لأنه لا يسوغ الاجتهاد فيه فهو خلاف لا اختلاف وغاية الأمر فيه أن يصير كبيع أمهات الأولاد أجمع على نفيه وكن في الزمن الأول يبعن اه ملخصا ثم أطال في ذلك (رد المحتار 3/232)
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