marital problems

Q:

My husband and I have been having major difficulties in our marriage for a number of reasons for the last year. However last week we had a terrible fight. In this fight he told me that I must F... Off. I have been advised that this counts a one Talaq. Is this the case?

My 2nd questions is that my husband is impotent. I have asked him many times to seek medical assistance as this has been going on for many years. He however says that he is scared and doesn't want to go. To be honest this is a major source of unhappiness for me and a major contributing factor as to why we cannot overcome our difficulties. We no longer have a connection. I feel terrible resentment towards him for not even as least attempting to get help. When we have our fights and I say I am leaving he always says he is going to commit suicide and I get scared and decide not to leave. But this is now affecting my health and I feel oppressed and don't know which direction to go. What are my rights regarding this.

Q: I want to know if I can sell my wife's gold set? My wife is not happy that I sell it. Does Islam give me permission to sell her gold set since we are have financial issues.

Q: My wife is not responding to me even in basic aspects like respect. I am working out of town and come home every week. If she is in bed then she nevers gets up. She never asks me if I need water or anything. She is always reluctant to have sex and agrees unwillingly. I give Rs 50000 every month for the household expenses. 10 years ago we moved out of my parents home because they told me to divorce her or live seperately. Now I am tired of her attitude. Please guide because I am concerned about my 3 kids.

Q: I have two wives, my first wife is here with me and second wife is abroad. My first wife has not come to terms with my second marriage. Instead of paying attention to her house and children, she was always prying about what im sending to my second wife and when I contact her. I had many times told her, that do not think of that, it is not your concern. Just concentrate on home here and children. But she went on it on and off, resulting in irritating me. I started to leave the room when she started so that the matter should cool off, as per instruction of my mother. But the last time i did that..my first wife followed me and misbehaved with me with strict words and i retaliated back. After that she has separated her room. I am being normal with her but she is persisting in her attitude, my mother has tried to tell her, this is not doing any good to home or children, but her answer is i have cut of all contact with him (me). I will just give him food etc. other than that i have no relation with him. I am not forcing or anything now. Just complying with whatever she is doing. Please advise

Q: I am a 30 year old women, with a 3 year old daughter. I am currently looking to seek Khula. My husband is also my first cousin and I was very happy with my marriage, however he left me over 2 years ago due to the following reasons:

1. Before we got married I had over £50k saved up as I worked for 10 years. Our parents had agreed for us to speak over the phone to understand each other before the marriage in a few weeks time. I told him that I didn't have my own home or place to rent yet & to give me 3 months to buy or find a place to rent. He refused at the time and said that we should get married now. He also said that he would be able to buy a home for us as he had enough money from his family (they were extremely wealthy) and for me to not worry about it - this conversation happened several times. So we married a few weeks later. Note I spent close to £30k on marriage. I offered to use some of the money I had left for either rent or to buy a property & also use the money he had promised he had to get a place - however for the next 3-4 years he just kept promising and using excuses to delay getting any money. Then he left me 2 years ago on the day I raised the point again about us moving out (note my father wanted us to leave his home where we stayed after we got married) with one of his excuses being he can't buy a home and that we can't be together. He never looked back at me or even tried to keep in touch with his child. Countless times I even offered to rent a place out myself for us be he just didn't want to.

2. We lived at my parents home after we got married and got his Visa to come to the UK. We actually in total lived here for 4 years. I helped to also provide for my own family because my father was on an extremely low income and also was the eldest child so I supported my mother, father & 3 other siblings. I told him this that I would need to support them before we got married & never did he object to it during the course of our marriage. However when he left me he used this as another excuse that he was annoyed I used to provide/help my family financially.

3. Another point is that he left me after 3 months of getting his permanent stay in the UK. So I'm assuming the Visa was the reason for the marriage.

4. I always tried to be very supportive to my husband helping financially - for e,g when our child was born I brought everything. I never once questioned him or even asked for any money because I understood he was on a low income & whatever is mine is his. Since the day he left 2 years ago he never made contact again with me. I don't know where he lives, some family members do but they don't tell me. Based on above reasons that he didnt support me financially and still doesn't, left me and my child without proper valid reason over 2 years ago - please could you answer the following questions:

1. Am I within my rights to request for Khula?

2. As I don't know where he is? What does Islam say about this? And how should I approach Khula? I don't want any money from him - as I am capable of looking after myself and my child. I just want peace and want to move on. More recently I had a proposal from an already married man who wants to support me & my child. (I don't know him & not spoken to him but we live in a close community and he heard about my circumstances at a local mosque) - my parents were told of this proposal through friends. If I go ahead I don't want him to break up with his first wife. In fact I would want to live together as a family.

1. Does he need to get consent from his first wife if we were to do a Nikkah?

2. My parents told me about it but are refusing to the proposal because he's already married - Can I marry him without my parents consent?

Q: My husband cheated on me. He had sexual relations with a married woman and a mother of three. iI have left his home. What should I do? Should I leave him or not? I am neither able to live with him nor able to leave him. He is in love with zina.

Q: I am woman who was recently in an arranged marriage. My husbands side did not allow me to talk to my husband before the wedding, I only had a 10 min conversation with him. I raised concerns over my husband not talking much before the wedding and my parents chose to ignore this. A few days in to the marriage I discovered that my husband suffers from a mental health condition called schizophrenia. I was very upset that this was hidden from me and also my family. This explained a lot of initial difficulties that I was having with him, although I started to care for him a lot. I was worried that he may have another manic episode which will make life very difficult for our marriage. He is currently on medication everyday for this. I have decided to end our marriage because of all his symptoms and my worry for this getting worse in the future. I was with him for a few weeks and the marriage was not consummated because we were getting to know each other. I have since come home and prayed istikhara to see if I should go back to my husband. I have seen that I was being attacked by a wasp, the house was on fire and also that there were a lot of scary people and creatures waiting outiside to attack me and family. I don't know what these dreams mean. I have decided not to go back to my husband. However I find that at times my heart longs for him and that my heart longs to be with him and share my moments with him. I'm finding it difficult to think of marrying other men. I am so confused and a mess. I know that I cared for him a lot but I worry about the difficulty his condition will have on our future as it is something no one told me about. A lot of people ask me to go back and give it a try but I cannot make his condition better, the issues for the future will still be there and I don't want to consummate the marriage if we may end it again. Please give me your thoughts, am I in the wrong for wanting to leave? Will these feelings for care and love go away? I started to feel like his career and became overprotective of him and his condition.