reforming oneself

Q:

1. I used to make sincere tawba but now a days I cannot make tawba because I do it repeatedly.. Such as I touch Ayah during hayez unintentionally but there is no other choice as I read islamic books and ayah is always there even in siratun nabi.. Should I stop reading books?

2. I want to have good akhlaq but I have bad temper and low self esteem.. How to have good akhlaq and a clean heart?

3. I want to give dawah but I don't get correct words or the confidence to give dawah..

4. I want to be with correct people ma shaa Allah I go to talim they are always in a spirit to help.. But I want to avoid backbiting there is no such place where there is no backbiting and negativity and I also try to read books but there is always contradiction.I started reading Naim Siddiqui's book on our Prophet but his thinking was kind of political. Should I read this kind of writer's books?

5. After listening to a lecture of Maulana Tariq Jamil I used to make dua in my mind before salam in namaz, sometimes I took more time than the tasbeeh is my salah valid?

6. Sometimes I feel Allah is not helping such as I said Bismillah wala barakatullah with belief that there will be baraqah but the rice got overcooked and my mother complained that it caused her stomach disease ,I wanted a blessed ramadan the first two days tarawih was invalid and I suffered so much waswasa I had to make wudu 10 11 times.. I started to wear full niqab the next very day something happen that never happened when I didn't put niqab.. I wanted to hide and go to another room in order to do parda but all the rice dal fall on the floor in front of everybody.. What is the explanation behind these.. I am trying to please Allah!

7. When I am on my period how should I do aamal? Should I do the zikir which I use to do after every salah?

8. I want to be in a routine but I always fail to do so.. Please tell me what a good Muslim's routine should be..

Please make dua for me and my husband (may be he is trying to become a good muslim but his environment is not deeni) and my family..

Q: Reason why I'm emailing you is because I need urgent help. I have major hypocrisy in my heart with lots of maradh. I dont know what to do or where to even start! Please help me, this hypocrisy started 7/8 yrs ago when I fell in doubt with my religion and ever since then my life has been very miserable, I been through alot and it still hasn't changed me. Allah has given me lots of trials and I keep failing. I am also a hafiz of the Quran which makes this matter very serious. Up until now I got very scared as I've read the hadith from the prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) that most of the hypocrites of the ummah will be the Quran memorizers. This has scared me, do I have any hope of my hypocrisy to be forgiven if I repent sincerely. Again the key word is sincerely, I also have lots of arrogance and pride, I try to change it but its too difficult. I'll change for maybe like a few hours or even a day but then I go back to how I am. How do I change this for good? I am also very heedless, I think bad about Allah but I don't want to. I want to be back to normal like I how I was when I was younger. I have all the traits of the hypocrite, I lie everytime, sometimes I don't even realise I'm lying, I break promises, I have arguments, I have a big ego, I want all this to change. I also have riya but I dont know where to start. I try but its too difficult, can you please give me advice on where to start and can you also please give me advice, everytime I try to change I try to be a perfect Muslim but its too much to handle, I know we have to take it easy step by step but I overburden myself by trying to be the perfect person and everytime I do this I fail, within few hours I'm back to sqaure one!!! Im tired of this, I have gotten nowhere in life, life has been ups and downs, no self development, living life mostly depressed but i dont know what im living for, please please can you help me, I want to be submit my soul humbly to Allah but its too difficult, what can I do? I want to be a genuine person not a liar!!! This is very serious!!! Im an outward muslim but inside im not a believer, please help me.

Q: On this website a person asked if it is permissible to read Shaykh ibn Arabi's Hizbul Wiqayah -ad Dowr al A'la and the reply was that the works of the shaykh should not be read, even though the questioner sent a link to the work in question which is very much similar to the Hizbul Bahr which many of our Deobandi Ulama read. The work is actually a simple beautiful dua/wazifa/wird of 33 verses each one containing two names of Allah, a dua and a quranic ayat. What is wrong in this? At least the work should have been looked at before giving the fatwa. Please revise your answer as people will be deprived of this very beneficial work. This work is not at all like the other works of Shaykh ibn Arabi that has difficult tassawuf terminologies. It is merely a dua, consisting of Allah's names and quranic ayats.

Q: Since Ramadaan I tried to bring a change to my lifestyle . I started my tahajjud and I'm trying to refrain from intermingling and to be more strict with my purda and form of niqaab. I would like to don the jilbaab but I am scared. Scared of spiralling down after been on this spiritual high. It has happened to me before that is why I am so afraid. Also my husband dosn't seem to be impressed and is of no support in any way whatsoever. We live in a house of Aalims all together. Unfortunately our parda is zilch. I don't know how to proceed. How do I hold fast onto haq and this feeling of only wanting to do that which is atqa. My desire has always been to memorise the quraan as well. Can mufti please advise me. I don't want to lose this feeling of closeness to Allah Ta'ala. I'm so scared that I'm going to get lazy and lethargic and will slowly retrogress whatsoever. What must I do. Am I doing too many things at once? I am an aalima. I just feel like Allah Ta'ala has lifted a blindfold from my eyes and I now see things very differently. I am ashamed the change is only coming now. All the years I have been so relaxed and negligent. Please advise me. I sometimes feel like I'm fighting a battle alone and everyone is just waiting for me to fall.

Q: If a person commits a sin does tawba repeats sin again does tawba again and then feels very guilty. What should be done? Also is there any dua for getting rid of frequent wet dreams?

Q: I am muslimah who really wants to change my life for the better as I am not a good Muslim right now. But I do not know where to start or when I do try its only for a few days then I'm back to where I started. I try reading more Qur'aan and books and listening to lectures but it seems unfortunately nothing touches my heart. I know my heart yearns to get closer to Allah before it is too late but nothing is happening and I fear I am losing hope which I know is not a good thing. Please advise on what I may do or read?

Q: I would like interpretations on the following three dreams below: