Marital Issues

Husband involved in extra marital affairs

Q: My husband drinks and gambles and has extra marital affairs with women, comes late at night three, four o'clock, does not give me and my daughters time, not even talk to me, always in anger, does not give me money, but he never beats me up or abuses, does not allow me to do job, but i'm totally fed up of his behaviour. Even I am in depression sometimes thinking of suicide. Can I seek divorce from him? How? What about sponsorship of daughters? Please guide me. Although I know Allah Ta'ala does not like divorce.

Marital problems

Q: I am a 29 years old married male, married against my will (parents pressure) since last 3 years and suffering from depression since last 3 years because of it. I have a 9 months old daughter but my sexual satisfaction is not there. My wife really loves me but I unable love her back (never liked her face). I am emotionally destroyed because I really feel empty inside. I am planning to do a second marriage and for this purpose I ask a girl at my office whom I really like (she likes me too) but she is saying that I should leave my wife behind or make an agreement with her that I will spend only one day a week and the rest 6 with my second (probable) wife. I can't do this because I have heard that there is extreme punishment for inequality between wives and I am not that stone hearted to do so either, and now that girl has stopped talking with me and I am in intense depression. I can't work at my office properly, finding it hard to follow Deen because my mind is seriously disturbed since last 3 years. I wish I could die right now because its really seems impossible for me to live like this and still following Deen completely. Please make a dua for me and give me a solution.

Husband taking care of his sister

Q: I am in a difficult situation and need some help. I have been married for 6 months. My father in law gifted a house to my husband which we have been living in since the beginning. My husband has an elder sister who is divorced. She has been living with the elder brother and his family, but due to difference of opinions, some fights and due to not being enough space in their house, they can't keep her any longer. My father in-law has now asked us to take her into our house. My father in-law is married for the second time and lives with my husbands step mother, thats why its not possible for him to keep the daughter in his house. Another thing is that the sister in law has her own house (which she has rented out to someone) just 2 mins away from where we live. She is independent and works fulltime. I feel uncomfortable sharing the house with her because I have become used to having the house for my husband and me. We wont be able to have the same private life in the house with her presence. There is a big age difference between me and my sister in law and i am afraid that unwanted discussions/ fights can start in the house. What should we do in this situation? Should my husband try to ask my father in law as to why she cant live in her own house or should we just keep quiet and let her in the house?

Husband communicating with his ex-wife

Q: I am very stressed just wanted to know mufti. You the only person I know who can tell me what is right and what is wrong Islamicly. My husband is continuously communicating with his X wife and he hides what they discuss. When I ask, he says we are talking about the children and yet the last born of their kids is almost 25 years of age. So all four kids are big enough to come or call their father and talk to him themselves so why should he still talk to his X yet he told me I am not allowed to communicate with my X and ever since I do not talk to him but he says he needs to speak to his X. It hurts Mufti. I feel like I am nothing. What can I do?

Father in-law not behaving correctly

Q: I had a excellent relationship with my in laws until Monday night. My wife made a request to visit her Granny at her parents place before leaving back to Cape Town. I agreed. We arrived at my inlaws place. I greeted everybody as usual and sat down with my father inlaw and brother inlaw. Azaan called and we all left for Esha. When we returned from Esha I did not go in to the house, I sat outside on the portch. I could overhear father inlaw, my wife, and my brother inlaw discussing his technicon registration, so the discussion went on for and hour or so while I sat outside on my own relaxing. My wife and father inlaw step out of the house, and my wife said she is ready to go, but she and my father inlaw was still saying a few words to each other, while I sat on the couch not saying anything. My father inlaw all of a sudden began to swear at me and shout me, telling me to get out. When i questioned him in a polite manner as to why is behaving in this manner he began to aggressive and wanted to beat me up. I was shocked. I got up jumped in my car and drove off. I was in a state of shock,it was the second time he has done this to me, The first I overlooked it and walked away. The next morning he sends me a text apologising for this, I did not reply as I am very upset as I have always respected this man and treated him like my own father. My question is, my wife shows no remorse for her fathers actions, secondly I need to know that i have decided not to go to my inlaws home anymore as I feel threatened and uneasy, is the permissible, and I will only allow my wife to visit once a week, and not go any where with her parents without my consent. Please reply with advise also.

Marital problems

Q: I am married for 23 years, My brother and I am a reverted to Islam at the him at the age of 14 years and myself at 17. I have and had many Muslim family members as close as siblings and nieces and nephews right down to great nieces and nephews. For 10 years of my married life I was not allowed to communicate or visit with my brothers and sisters. My husband told me to choose between my family or him and my children. My children still being very young and needing me left me in reality with no choices. The last five years my husband allowed me the contact but no visits. My eldest sister who I grew up with and shared more than just a sister bond. She made sure I had everything of the best, what they could not get because my dad died when I was 2 years. MY sister took the place of my mother in matters my mother was not able to due to her ill health. My said sister resides in London U.K. She is not a muslin but accepts me and the rest of our family for our believes. My sister had 2 times 3rd stage aggressive breast cancer over a span of 8 years, I was not allowed to visit her although we had the fund. My sister was a month ago diagnosed wrongly and when further tests where done it was diagnosed she has brain cancer in two areas of the brain that is not possible to operate. They doing what the can to relieve the severe pressure she has on her brain and help her to manage her pain. Her oncologist and Dr has informed the family that there is nothing they can do accept help her to manage. That the cancer is spreading and she dont have long to live, Allah (SWT) knows best. They giving her more or less a few months. She has already lost all mobility in her arms and legs. My sisters and my muslim brother is going to London. Its my wish to join them on this sad journey. My nephew is offering to pay for the flights if any of us cant manage it. It is my sisters wish and ours to be able to see her and spend time with her for ALLAH (SWT) alone knows. Unfortunately my husband in incarcerated at present and is not able to go with me. I assured him I am not going to be alone my elder sisters that are older than me and my elderest brother who is a muslim will be accompanying me. Halaal provisions will not be an issue, I will make preparations for that. The shock of my sister condition, landed me in hospital and sessions in therapy with a psychiatrist. I lost my mother at 23 in a very drastic and tragic manner too, she died of a ruptured brain aneurysm. I explained to my husband her condition and my need to see her one more time, I dont want to loose her like I lost my mother when i didnt get a chance to see her alive one more time and tell her so many unspoken words. All my husband told me was, he sympathizes with me but no i cant go to see her and the money is not the problem but because he is incarcerated so i must stay home and only allowed to the Dr and my sons work place, thats all. My condition is like his, I am also incarcerated like him. Yet not long ago he told me that I must always be prepared to leave anytime for Durban if anything happens to his mother or any of his sisters. I feel this is so unfair to me, my family is worth nothing to him but his family must always be important to me. My husband has never lost a sister or a brother neither any of his parents. I lost, my father, my mother, 2 sisters, a brother. and one more to loose. He cannot relate to my losses and pain, so deals with this very callously like before, he expects me to deal with it and get over it. Please advice as im torn.

Haraam relationship

Q: My question is that I am married for 3 years and I found out my husband was cheating on me for the past 2 years. I do not have kids. Now I have decided to take divorce from him and now he is changed and want to live happy with me but on the other hand someone else wants to marry me and I also want to marry him after taking divorce from my husband. Now I am confused that should I go ahead and move on and marry the other person or should I forgive and live with my husband whom has cheated on me? He was involved with my own sister. This made me think to move on. Please help me out. What should I do? I can't ask anyone in my family about this matter. Please let me know ASAP thank you.