Marital Issues

Q: I have a very weird question and you may think I am being irrational but please hear me out. I am married to my husband of 4 years and we have a young infant. I have been noticing for the past year or so that my Mother has taken a liking to my husband. And it is not in a civil Mother in law way, she likes him romantically. I have thought I could be misled and confused but this is why its taken me a year to be fully convinced. I will explain some of the things she does to clarify my assumptions. Firstly i do not live with my parents I stay there every school holiday. My Mum has become very nosy if i am on my phone she comes to look at it. If i am alone in my room with my daughter and my husband video calls she would barge in and interfere (take note she pulls my daughter and gets on the video to him). She always takes my phone. When my husband comes she tries to get his attention she walks by him from the next room in a way where she cant see me but she looks at him. Another thing is she is absolutely furious when i tell her that my husband is loyal. Take note she is always trying to cause problems e.g. his family are bad to you. She wants me to tell him and it always causes us to fight and its silly things. She does this when nobody is around. She also tries to get him closer to my sisters. For example my husband eight now is on holiday so my mum asked me if hes enjoying it and i had told her that he is actually bored. The next thing i see is she rings my sister and tells her that my husband is bored he needs someone to talk to. Basically indirectly telling her to call him. She tries to make me jealous with my own husband. Bare in mind i think my husband knows this i am sure she told him things in my absence. He has told me that my mum is bad so i'm sure he knows. There are so many examples but those are basic things i have noticed. She acts like she is his 'thauba' wife because when my brothers want to eat she acts like it is not her job. She takes my daughter and acts as if shes here to visit. She doesnt like me bonding with my child. Please help me is there a dua or something i can read on her? I trust my husband but i feel like what if he listens one day. I hate to say this but she is acting like a shaythan always trying to come in between our marriage.

Q: My mother has selected a bride for my elder brother. He is not happy with the skin color of the bride however the girl comes from a good family and has good character. But my elder brother is not happy as all his friends have beautiful wives. Please provide an explanation so that me, my mother and family can convince my brother. Is there any salah or ayah to offer and fill my brothers life with piece and love?

Q: My husband often verbally abuses me and I have been enduring it for the past 1 year 6 months. I told his parents and they even advised him yet there is no change. What should I do?

Q: If you do not agree with the decision your husband has of wanting a second wife, just because you are carrying his second child while wanting a second wife and he gets upset. Can one still get a faskh?

Q: I am living and working in Denmark. I am having a problem with my wife regarding third child. I hereby want to explain you my problem in details. When I married with my wife she had the same problem (Back Pain) that she has today but after the marriage she want baby as soon as possible and she got pregnant after two years of marriage and than after first baby she had the desire for second baby as soon as possible and she got second baby after one year of our first baby and when I asked her for third baby she said that she wish to have third baby but after two years. Whenever I ask her for third baby she replies me that wait some more time and now three years have gone after second baby. I asked my wife now I want third baby because its three years now after the second baby and she replied me that she don't want any more baby due to her disease (Back Pain and bawaseer). Then I asked another Mufti from Denmark. He said that she can't stop me to have third baby. My question is that her disease is the same as it was in beginning, only bawaseer (piles) ka masla new ha. I need this answer with reference to Quran and Sunna because I want my third baby and after your e-mail to her she totally denied for third baby. Looking forward to hear from you.

Q: I was married before and have three kids from a previous nikaah. I am now married for 7 months and have no kids. I do all the house work, cook, clean, iron and it's taking a lot of strain one me. I don't have a helping hand and requested to my husband that help me get a helper even if it's 3 days in a week. He refused saying he does not dirty the house, my kids do and said he will never get me a helper. I asked him if was his biological kids make the house dirty would he not pay. He said he will pay if his kids dirty the house. His kids live with his ex-wife and Alhumdullillah he does everything for her and kids, which is the right thing to do. I am depressed because all I do is clean and cook and iron. I don't even have time to go to ta'leem. It's just a mess. Please advise if this is the right thing to say. Even if he doesn't get a helper for me, I will carry on this way but does it have or did he have to tell me in this manner?

Q: Alhamdulillah I am married to a wonderful man for four years and we have been blessed with two beautiful sons. Before we married, my husband explained that he fully financially supported his unemployed parents. I accepted that and agreed that it was his duty as their eldest son. He pays for their house, all their living expenses and medical bills. However during the past two years it has transpired that my father in law has accumulated a large amount of debt. This includes credit card debt, overdue accounts and money he has borrowed over the past 15 years, from other family members. I have also recently realised that my husband's unemployed brother and his (employed) wife are having all their daily meals at my in-laws without any contribution to the grocery bill. My husband also has a divorced sister with three kids , now living with his parents and making a minimum contribution. It has become clear to me that all my father in law's debt has accumulated in trying to pay for extra groceries as well as some failed business attempts. I have a full time job and rely on my parents and extra domestic help - to help raise my two boys. I need to be employed in order to pay half of all our own living expenses - because my husband would not be able to afford paying for two homes. My in-laws are of no support to us because they have no income and they are looking after their other grandchildren. I have insisted that my husband and his siblings start paying off their father's debt as further interest keeps on accumulating. Up to now, none of them had made any attempts to start rectifying the bad financial situation. The financial strain ,as well the stress of juggling being a full time working mum, is starting to suck the joy out of my marriage. Firstly - I need clarity as to whether my father in law's debt will become the responsibility of my husband and sons,should he die before paying all his dues. Secondly - am I entitled to ask my husband to start insisting that his siblings make more of a contribution, since all the debt was literally accumulated to feed them. Thirdly - if my husband was not supporting his siblings, I would not need to work in order to assist financially - because he would have enough to run our home, and I could be home with my kids. What rights do I have as a muslim wife to enforce this? My in-laws lack financial management skills. All my attempts in trying to show them how to budget and save have been met with resistance, because they see me as having a priveleged lifestyle since I come from a financially stable family. My own parents worked very hard to ensure that we were never raised with debt and also made sure we never lived beyond our means. The value system and work ethic that I have been raised with regarding money and lifestyle, seems to be very different to my in-laws. And I want to make sure that my children are not influenced by their bad spending habits. An example would be my divorced sister in law who has not paid her kids school fees for three years. However, when she received her December bonus - the first thing she bought was Justin Beiber concert tickets! This shows me that she was raised with an entitlement attitude - my kids are entitled to concert tickets, even though I have not paid for their private school education and also refuse to put them into a cheaper public school. My in-laws go on holiday every December , which is usually paid for by my husband. Instead of telling their son to forfeit the holiday in order to maybe use the same money to pay off some of their debt - they happily enjoy the "undeserved" luxury and post holiday pics all over social media. My main concern is for my own children - I am trying to raise them with good values, and showing them that it is a sin to waste and be extravagant - because that will take the barakah out of your life. Please advise or suggest ways in which I can help save my marriage without having to threaten my husband with separation , if he does not enforce stricter financial control with his family.

Q: Please advise. My wife does not want to have intercourse with me. I find my self wanting to stimulate myself using her shoe, can I do this? I am attracted to her feet. She won't even come close to me or satisfy me in any way. Please help I don't want to end the marriage.

Q: My husband has issued his first wife with three talaaqs years ago but still continued living with her as a married couple. When we got married last year she requested him to give her talaaq again which he gave her three talaaqs again. After three months, he issued her again with six talaaqs which she refused to accept. Husband ask me not to tell anyone that he has irrevocably divorced her and claims he only wants to care for her. Husband then left me in august while I was pregnant had me thrown out of rental home. Didn't bother finding out where I'm staying nothing. Accuse me of having affair, but was living with his ex-wife and even paying the bond of her house. He took back the car he bought me and allowed her to drive it. Took her on holidays etc. but refuses to set me free. I have consulted with three muftis and was told he doing a injustice upon me and my child who was born two months ago. Currently all his assets his house policies business she will inherited because he hasn't change his will. Islamically he knows what he is doing is against Allah Ta'ala's law but he doesn't seem to care. A mufti has spoken to him. He said he will rectify his wrongs but he hasn't. Will it be a sin upon me if I apply for a faskh because I cannot be involved in him committing zinah and pretending its okay. Also his ex is very abusive towards me and has always been and he allows it. She has even stated that he says my son is not his. Please advise.