Marital Issues

Q: I did nikah with a woman few days before. The very next day from someone outside I find out that my wife had physical relationship out of marriage with a man for 3 years. I went home and asked her straight and she confessed that she had physical relationship with him so much so that they had done kissing all over, seen each other naked and touched each other's private parts (masturbated each other) but she made promise on Allah that they did not have intercourse. I can't believe that they did not do intercourse, even if they did not do intercourse how a husband is supposed to forgive all this? If I leave her the 25 years of relationship of two families will be destroyed. But I can't forgive her. I try to forgive her but whenever I see her I imagine the two of them having doing zina and that is unbearable for me. Help me what I'm supposed to do. Even if I forgive her how can I cope with my imagination?

Q: Can a woman obtain a fasakh on the basis of non-nafakah (not buying clothes and not providing a roof over our head and letting his wife and children live off his mother in-law) on financial and emotional abuse and not spending time with his children? Also spending all his free time with his half brother and cousin fixing vans.

Q: I have something that has been troubling me. My husband told me he had a male call him in a private number accusing him of having an affair with this man's wife then he goes on to tell that, that man then tells that I am having something to do with him which highly got me angry which I know is a lie. I phoned a service provider enquiring if I can trace a private call so I can prove my innocence I asked my husband to take me to police station to open up a case against that private call but he refused to take me he said he will sort it out but he doesn't want to take me. Then my husband tells me that the station police told him that they can only see the area which person is calling from but not the actual person which I believe is a lie because all sim cards are registered. Customer care told they can trace a private call but my husband is adamant that it can't be done and private call is only coming when he is not at home. So I don't know if my husband is trying to defame me or trying to accuse me of something and it is really disturbing me a lot and causing discomfort. Please advise me I don't want to leave any stones unturned I want to get to the bottom of the truth.

Q: There is a family who want to come to my parents to ask for a marriage proposal for their son and me. I appreciate their son and I agree for their proposal. But my parents don't let them come. They don't want to even hear about their proposal because of their cast. We are Pakistani. We are from the upper cast and their are from the lower one. My parents don't know the guy nor his family but they are not even ready to meet them. They told me that they prefer keeping me unmarried than marry me to this guy because of cast, because of the dunya. They told me that what would they say to the people if I marry that guy. Is their reaction right in Islam? If the guy agrees for the marriage and I agree too, if both of us are happy with this marriage, is it right for my parents to stop the marriage, to not let it happen? I am 26 and the guy's family want to come since 2014, it has been 2 years that my parents refuse and delay my marriage whereas the guy is religious. Please can you help me and reply to my questions about it.

Q: What to do if a wife asks her husband to make a promise to not even touch her till death (maut tak, married in 2015)? Must he make sabar?

Q: My wife does not like me. Can I live with imagining a girl (jannat wife)?

Q: I had indented to marry a lady then during our conversation after couple of months before nikaah I came to know that she is greedy and I fear that she would do the way she likes to do and will not listen to me because I believe she is a professional excusor. I strongly feel that this marriage will not work. I refused once then through a third person we sorted out and tried to re-continue. Now again I am feeling the same situation. Should I go with this marriage or not? I am confused. My family says in this country you don't know people are very different. That lady was married before and got divorce from her husband in a couple of weeks. Please guide me. She said she did istkhara and it was ok. I did but got nothing, no feeling etc. still same.

Q: I am asking this question for my aunt. My husband says that my father passed away when he was young because of my ghuna's. The reason being that he doesn't get along with me. My husband and his family are continuously abrupt and still expect me to do everything for them. My husband has issued me with two talaaqs and threatens me with a third for every difference between us in front of my children and their spouses and my grand children. The reason he does not go through with it is because we are married in community of property and he is afraid to lose the properties that have my name on them. He asks for my consent to sell the properties that have both our names on the deeds. I also have contributed to these properties financially and completed the deals on these houses. He then takes all the cash quietly from the sales and purchases homes for our unmarried daughters without my knowledge. We are living separately at the moment, he with our daughters and I am alone. We also live in different cities. The main reason for this query is that it really hurts me that he says I lost my father due to my ghuna’s. I’ve looked after his mother the best I could but she never appreciated it and told my husband I never did anything for her. Please advise me if his statements are true.

Q: I am married to a man who has already a first wife and children I am his second wife. I am very upset. I married him but my parents don't know About the marriage and his parents either don't know but his wife does. About our marriage, he lives with her I always fight with him over one thing I told him why don't you meet me more and for long time why always for few hours every 2 weeks because he lives three and a half hours far from where I live he doesn't text me in front of her, he doesn't call me in front of her but he does all this when he is with me. I feel hurt with this behaviour. I told him you are not treating me well and fair. All he has to tell me that he will be fair with me once I come live with him but my parents do not know about our nikah. So I told him you have to wait but you have to treat me fair in eyes of Allah. I am your wife. Please help me.

Q: Please may I request your assistance in three questions that I have bases on my scenario? I am a 48 years old revert to Islam. With my initial acceptance of Islam I was overwhelmed with the beauty of this dean of Allah. I accepted it with full heart soul and immediately adopted a life of only Islam and the way of life of our beloved Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) of almighty Allah. At that point, 12 years back, I was a very popular figure in our community, I had a very successful business, and I enjoyed love, respect and support from my family and lived a comfortable life in a fairly large house. I still remember that the only thing missing in my life was a humble, pious and obedient wife. Needless to say that is a very difficult gift to obtain. Since embracing Islam and changing my views on how to do business and how to please my Allah I have lost almost all my family, I don’t have any friends, and because of a partnership dispute I now have no business and live I a small home, but Alhamdulillah I am content with what Allah has given me. I am married with one daughter of 6 years but I am very unhappy in my life. I feel that Allah has put me through so many tests that my Mufti here once told me I am a sabr champion (on alight note). I just can’t find common ground with my wife to build a good relationship with her and I know she is not happy with our nikaah at the moment. I can’t see talaaq as an option as I love my wife and daughter very much and can’t see myself living without them but at the same time we are not happy and fight all the time. I have tried many options and sacrifices but nothing seems to help. My 3 questions are as follows:

1. Is it permissible to ask Allah in dua to take your life as you feel you can’t carry on living in unhappiness and not having the ability to make your spouse happy?

2. Is it permissible to take your own life in fear that you might run out of sabr and lose your Imaan?

3. Is it permissible to go in Jihad not just for the pleasure of Allah but also hoping to lose your life because of your unhappiness?