Marital Issues

Q:

My husband and I have been having major difficulties in our marriage for a number of reasons for the last year. However last week we had a terrible fight. In this fight he told me that I must F... Off. I have been advised that this counts a one Talaq. Is this the case?

My 2nd questions is that my husband is impotent. I have asked him many times to seek medical assistance as this has been going on for many years. He however says that he is scared and doesn't want to go. To be honest this is a major source of unhappiness for me and a major contributing factor as to why we cannot overcome our difficulties. We no longer have a connection. I feel terrible resentment towards him for not even as least attempting to get help. When we have our fights and I say I am leaving he always says he is going to commit suicide and I get scared and decide not to leave. But this is now affecting my health and I feel oppressed and don't know which direction to go. What are my rights regarding this.

Q: I am a doctor by profession and the only son of my parents. Currently I am working abroad. I am married and I have one son also. After my marriage ,once I saw one tablet called "VIAGRA" that is used for prolonged sexual desire in a book of my wife who is also my first cousin. I inquired from her and informed my parents and her parents and they just told me that "some of her class mates must have put this tablet in her book". I am a doctor myself but because of my parents I ignored it. She was going to college even after marriage. In those days I was working 350 km away from my hometown and was going there 2-3 days in a week and 3 days I was at home. One day I received a call from some unknown person. He said to me "your wife is coming to college in the college van but she is not going to college. Please brother take care". I went to her collage and inquired from the principal whether my wife was present in college in the last few days. He confirmed that "she was absent for the last 7 days". I informed my parents as well as her parents but they told me not to tell anyone otherwise it will be a stigma for our family etc. Anyhow I compromized again. After that incident, one night she ran away from my home and I caught her mobile phone with all the private chats with some fellow. The next morning she came to her parents home and demanded her mobile phone to contact her boyfriend. Even then, because of insistance of my mother, I lived with her. Allah gave me a beautiful son, Alhamdolilah. The same year I got a visa for Maldives and I am working here. I kept my wife in Maldives while she was pregnant as my mother was insisting to keep her along with me even though I was not interested because of all these things.

In short, my kid and my wife were living with me here in Maldives and I forgot all the previous things. But again I caught her with a Christian fellow who is a teacher and living near my quarters. I got all the proofs also that they were having sexual relationship with each other from their chat. He wrote "do u remember that night u were creating sounds and we did sex in different positions etc". After this incident, I sent her safely to Pakistan and did'nt talk to her nor kept any kind of relationship with her even though she was living in my home. When I went for vacation for 14 days, I was sleeping in another room. Again my parents are insisting that live with the girl but I dont want to.

One more thing "She never ever accepted her mistake even after getting caught by me".

Secondly, alhamdolilah I didn't commit any zina or kept any sort of relationship with any other female. From her chats I've come to know that because of her family she is living with me otherwise she doesn't want to live with me. What reply should I give my parents. If I say that I don't want to live with her, they will not feel good. What should I do? 

Q: My wife is not responding to me even in basic aspects like respect. I am working out of town and come home every week. If she is in bed then she nevers gets up. She never asks me if I need water or anything. She is always reluctant to have sex and agrees unwillingly. I give Rs 50000 every month for the household expenses. 10 years ago we moved out of my parents home because they told me to divorce her or live seperately. Now I am tired of her attitude. Please guide because I am concerned about my 3 kids.

Q:

1. I am a 30 year old married woman. It is 7 years since I am married. There has been marriage issues between us. Now he decided to divorce me. We have a 5 year old daughter. But I dont like to get divorced as it is a major sin. If he does so, is there any sin on me?

2. Also, can you send a dua to me to avoid a divorce. I am very depressed.

Q: My first wife has said to me that if I go abroad to meet my second wife then I must give her (my first wife) divorce first. She is already living in a separate room from mine. She has had many outbursts before. The latest outburst came when she saw my passport. I have pleaded with and asked her in every way to be patient for the sake of the kids, but it seems that she does not see anyone besides herself. I have talked to her father but he has given up also and there is no one further I can ask to interfere and bring some kind of reconciliation between us. I do not want to divorce anyone.

Q: I have two wives, my first wife is here with me and second wife is abroad. My first wife has not come to terms with my second marriage. Instead of paying attention to her house and children, she was always prying about what im sending to my second wife and when I contact her. I had many times told her, that do not think of that, it is not your concern. Just concentrate on home here and children. But she went on it on and off, resulting in irritating me. I started to leave the room when she started so that the matter should cool off, as per instruction of my mother. But the last time i did that..my first wife followed me and misbehaved with me with strict words and i retaliated back. After that she has separated her room. I am being normal with her but she is persisting in her attitude, my mother has tried to tell her, this is not doing any good to home or children, but her answer is i have cut of all contact with him (me). I will just give him food etc. other than that i have no relation with him. I am not forcing or anything now. Just complying with whatever she is doing. Please advise

Q: I have been married for almost four months but me and my husband have been quarreling since our nikaah day. I have been feeling very insecure as there is a girl involved which I was aware of but my husband kept saying she was just a little girl seeking attention. It has now come to my knowledge that he was involved in a haram relationship with her before nikah and I have found several inappropriate sites on his email. He claims he didn't tell me truthfully at the beginning as he was worried How it would effect our marriage. However I have come to find out everything last week and now I am really lost and confused. I don't know if I can trust him anymore. Is lying for something of this matter even allowed in Islam?

Q: I am a 30 year old women, with a 3 year old daughter. I am currently looking to seek Khula. My husband is also my first cousin and I was very happy with my marriage, however he left me over 2 years ago due to the following reasons:

1. Before we got married I had over £50k saved up as I worked for 10 years. Our parents had agreed for us to speak over the phone to understand each other before the marriage in a few weeks time. I told him that I didn't have my own home or place to rent yet & to give me 3 months to buy or find a place to rent. He refused at the time and said that we should get married now. He also said that he would be able to buy a home for us as he had enough money from his family (they were extremely wealthy) and for me to not worry about it - this conversation happened several times. So we married a few weeks later. Note I spent close to £30k on marriage. I offered to use some of the money I had left for either rent or to buy a property & also use the money he had promised he had to get a place - however for the next 3-4 years he just kept promising and using excuses to delay getting any money. Then he left me 2 years ago on the day I raised the point again about us moving out (note my father wanted us to leave his home where we stayed after we got married) with one of his excuses being he can't buy a home and that we can't be together. He never looked back at me or even tried to keep in touch with his child. Countless times I even offered to rent a place out myself for us be he just didn't want to.

2. We lived at my parents home after we got married and got his Visa to come to the UK. We actually in total lived here for 4 years. I helped to also provide for my own family because my father was on an extremely low income and also was the eldest child so I supported my mother, father & 3 other siblings. I told him this that I would need to support them before we got married & never did he object to it during the course of our marriage. However when he left me he used this as another excuse that he was annoyed I used to provide/help my family financially.

3. Another point is that he left me after 3 months of getting his permanent stay in the UK. So I'm assuming the Visa was the reason for the marriage.

4. I always tried to be very supportive to my husband helping financially - for e,g when our child was born I brought everything. I never once questioned him or even asked for any money because I understood he was on a low income & whatever is mine is his. Since the day he left 2 years ago he never made contact again with me. I don't know where he lives, some family members do but they don't tell me. Based on above reasons that he didnt support me financially and still doesn't, left me and my child without proper valid reason over 2 years ago - please could you answer the following questions:

1. Am I within my rights to request for Khula?

2. As I don't know where he is? What does Islam say about this? And how should I approach Khula? I don't want any money from him - as I am capable of looking after myself and my child. I just want peace and want to move on. More recently I had a proposal from an already married man who wants to support me & my child. (I don't know him & not spoken to him but we live in a close community and he heard about my circumstances at a local mosque) - my parents were told of this proposal through friends. If I go ahead I don't want him to break up with his first wife. In fact I would want to live together as a family.

1. Does he need to get consent from his first wife if we were to do a Nikkah?

2. My parents told me about it but are refusing to the proposal because he's already married - Can I marry him without my parents consent?

Q: My husband cheated on me. He had sexual relations with a married woman and a mother of three. iI have left his home. What should I do? Should I leave him or not? I am neither able to live with him nor able to leave him. He is in love with zina.

Q: I have some family problems now a days..nothing was like this before..my younger brother never behaved like this before..now he stands in front of father ..argue with him even ready for quarrel..he was most obedient of us bt now his behavior is totally changed in a week...his age is 17 years..also there are many other problems which have started at once..i want peace in my house before...is there any special dua or prayer for it??plz help me out