Q: I am a new muslim and am a bit confused about certain issues concerning intercourse with one's wife. I have read fatwas and talked to recognised scholars, but I am still confused. First of all, I know that masturbating alone is haram, but what is if the spouses are not together due to travelling and while fantasizing of the spouse they touch the chest, merely to fantasize, not touching his genitals? Furthermore, to what extent is a partner allowed to touch himself/herself during intercourse? Is it true that during foreplay or intercourse I am not at all allowed to rub/touch my penis in her presence, and she is not allowed to enter her fingers in her vagina or stimulate the surroundings in my presence (from stimulating during foreplay to finishing off after sex or during menses)? If this is the case, does this refer only to the main sexual organs (penis and vagina opening) or are we also not allowed to stimulate our other parts like chests, prostata, clitoris, body, etc.? If we are allowed, does this count only during penetrition/intercourse or during the whole act of sex (during foreplay, can each partner touch his/her permissible parts to arouse himself/herself or arouse the partner; can a woman suck, lick her breasts to arouse herself and as a pleasure for her husband). Secondly, sheikh mohammad bin adam al kawthari, permits the use of toys under certain conditions, such as not using it on the main genitals (penis and vagina opening) to resemble masturbation; thus is there anything wrong with wearing a massage (vibrating) glove during mutual masturbation on the main privat parts and intercourse, as it is the hand one is using and not a toy? Can one use it on one's own permissible body parts (not to masturbate in case this is forbidden, see question 1). I prefer it as it prevents touching vaginal fluids by hand and does not resemble a male genital. Thirdly, if my wife wants me to spank her during intercourse, either by using my hand or a stick, is this allowed and to what extent? Not with the intention of resembling non-muslim habits or hurting her, merely because it arouses her and myself. Fourthly, as my wife has an African origin, her hair is not as easy to handle as smoothe hair. Thus is it allowed for her to wear a wig or extensions only for me during intercourse? Could you explain in detail as I have read different opinions (from permission to prohibition and curse by ALLAH).
A: Islam is a pure religion and advocates purity and cleanliness. Similarly Islam provides guidance in every sphere of human life. One will only be successful in the court of Allah Ta'ala if one adheres to the teachings of Islam. Islam allows the spouses to take enjoyment from each other provided they refrain from anal sex, having relations while the wife is in menses, oral sex and adopting the ways of the kuffaar in fulfilling one's desires. Fantasizing about one's wife is permissible, however masturbating and taking pleasure from one's body is impermissible. It is permissible for the wife to masturbate for the husband. One should refrain from fulfilling one's desires through toys etc. Arousing one's spouse in halaal ways is permissible.
Wearing a wig or extensions is permissible provided the hair is synthetic i.e it is not made of human hair.
نِسَاؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌ لَّكُمْ فَأْتُوا حَرْثَكُمْ أَنَّىٰ شِئْتُمْ وَقَدِّمُوا لِأَنفُسِكُمْ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّـهَ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّكُم مُّلَاقُوهُ وَبَشِّرِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ ﴿البقرة: ٢٢٣﴾
عن أبي هريرة عن النبي صلى الله عليه و سلم قال : من أتى حائضا أو امرأة في دبرها أو كاهنا فقد كقر بما أنزل على محمد (جامع الترمذي 1/35)
إذا أدخل الرجل ذكره في فم امرأته قد قيل يكره (الفتاوى الهندية 5/372)
فتاوى محمودية 29/142
احسن الفتاوى 8/45
ووصل الشعر بشعر الآدمي حرام سواء كان شعرها أو شعر غيرها لقوله صلى الله عليه وسلم لعن الله الواصلة والمستوصلة والاشمة والمستوشمة والواشرة والمستوشرة والنامصة والمتنمصة
قال الشامي في رد المحتار : قوله ( سواء كان شعرها أو شعر غيرها ) لما فيه من التزوير كما يظهر مما يأتي وفي شعر غيرها انتفاع بجزء الآدمي أيضا لكن في التاترخانية وإذا وصلت المرأة شعر غيرها بشعرها فهو مكروه وإنما الرخصة في غير شعر بني آدم تتخذه المرأة لتزيد في قرونها وهو مروي عن أبي يوسف وفي الخانية ولا بأس للمرأة أن تجعل في قرونها وذوائبها شيئا من الوبر (رد المحتار 6/373)
عن ابن عباس قال لعنت الواصلة والمستوصلة والنامصة والمتنمصة والواشمة والمستوشمة من غير داء. قال أبو داود وتفسير الواصلة التى تصل الشعر بشعر النساء والمستوصلة المعمول بها والنامصة التى تنقش الحاجب حتى ترقه والمتنمصة المعمول بها والواشمة التى تجعل الخيلان فى وجهها بكحل أو مداد والمستوشمة المعمول بها (سنن أبي داود رقم 4172)
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