Q: I want to marry a sister but some problems have cropped up for which I would need your guidance in the light of Quran and Hadith. I am 27 (an engineer) and well settled Alhamdullilah and the sister 26 (a doctor by profession) were school mates but never spoke to each other. Later after a few years when we both were in university, we chatted online and met a couple of times. We liked each other and wanted to make the relation Halal, so the sister informed her parents. Her father met me and we shared a good relation. Unfortunately my parents didn't agree saying I was too young for marriage (I was 24 that time). The sisters father waited for around 6 months for my parents to agree but when my parents did agree (in the 7th month), the sisters father angrily refused the marriage and said this marriage will only take place over his dead body. My parents felt sorry for refusing the marriage earlier and they visited the sisters house, but her father didn't entertain us and told us to never show our faces again. The sister tried to involve her mother, uncle and everyone else to make her father agree, but no one in the house can stand up to him as he is the most powerful person in the house. The sister doesn't have any access to an Islamic scholar who could help her father understand and he is not very keen to discuss any islamic matters with anyone as he is not very religious. Its been over 3 years now and there is no way he will agree. I have tried to do some research on this topic, and I have found that most Hadith say that a marriage is invalid without the consent of a wali. We are from the Hanafi madhab and I think our madhab allows a girl to marry without a wali under special circumstances. What do you think is the best option for both of us now at this stage of our lives?
A: Nikaah is a lifelong obligation and commitment. In order for the nikaah to be prosperous in all respects, each spouse is in need of the cooperation of their parents and their blessings. In the situation where a girl gets married to a boy and this nikaah leads to the breaking of family ties, the displeasure of her parents and she no longer will be able to go and meet her parents, of what good would such a nikaah be? Hence we advise that if the girl's father or parents are not happy to get their daughter married to you, then do not pursue this.
And Allah Ta'ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
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