Marital Issues

Q: I recently got married on 30 April 2023. My wife doesn't have a brain. Her mother is controlling her life and she interferes in my married life. It's two month already and my wife is still staying with her parents. She is asking me for a divorce but I don't want to give it. I want her in my life.

What must I do?

Q: Is your husband allowed to ignore you because you don’t look attractive to him 4 months after giving birth? Knowing very well that you’re making effort to exercise, etc?

Q: Can a woman, who loved someone, but they separated and she married a person who is a good person and she has no issues with him religiously and he treats her well. She was ok with the person but once she started talking to the person she loved, she wanted to take khula and marry him. Is it permissible in islam?

Q: Is it OK for a husband to keep putting off the topic of having a baby? Even though I expressed my feelings about wanting a baby and he doesn't seem to take it into consideration.

Q: I have been hearing that a forced marriage isn't valid. What does it actually mean? What if the couple in question have spent 20 years together and have children, after all these years, is their marriage still not valid?

I have basically spent the last 20 years crying continuously and praying to Allah to change my condition. I ask because I was forced into a marriage with a total stranger, moved to the US where I lived with his overbearing family for 10 years and subjected to extreme harassment and neglect from husband and in laws years before buying our own home. Although I begged him to move into a separate home earlier, he refused except for 1.5 years and then moved back to his parent’s home after being convinced by his mother.

My husband did not provide spending money to me from the beginning but handled all finances himself and hardly helped with childcare at home. I was embarrassed to ask him for any money even though I was completely dependent on him. My anger and hurt was too great. Once I started working, I contributed regularly to household expenses and childcare cost completely. Till date, I pay my portion of mortgage fully on car, food and some other bills while he pays for some of the others.

I have never felt taken care of as a wife, mentally, emotionally, physically, financially and I suffered a great deal spiritually for this. Physical intimacy has been minimal to zero from the very beginning as he is not able to perform as a man. We have zero connection emotionally, physically or intellectually and it has been and is just a living arrangement between two people where we each live together with our two daughters and take care of the regular chores to maintain a home. I think he is delusional that this is a marriage.

I have never been able to truly accept this marriage and have always felt that I will apply for divorce once my daughters have completed their bachelor’s degrees. It's not a life I would have chosen for myself, ever, and though I have tried my best to live a conflict free life, things have been difficult between us especially in the beginning. I have learned to emotionally shut off, shut him out and disengage from my husband to the point that I do not talk to him much and mostly when necessary. I've not been able to accept that it's what was written for me. I forgive my parents and I don't want my parents to have any punishments from Allah for this. I can't stand the thought of them suffering in this life never mind the next.

Does this make my marriage invalid? Considering how I truly feel, is it ok for me to wait another 4 years before seeking divorce? 

Q: If the husband only brings up the past on to when the wife used to fight with him and for what, (normal daily fights, nothing big) which made him the person he is, he should forgive her and move on but he chooses to live in the past and think that way which is affecting their present and future married life. The husband and wife do not get along at all due to not spending time together or doing anything with each other. Please advise.

Q: I am working abroad and I am married. Nowadays my mind is all the time disturbed because of my sexual need. My wife is not with me, she is at my home and I don't have too much money to go to her. Please advise me what to do?

Q: I am dentist but not interested in working. My only purpose of marriage was to serve my husband in Islamic ways, obey him and stay with his family. But his demand and wish was for me to work. He said that it doesn't matter if I go outside and remove my burkha and work. It doesn't matter if I have to discuss professional services and cases with male doctors. It doesn't matter if I have to travel alone on buses and trains or for long journeys. He just wants me to work which pleases him and makes him proud in front of friends and society.

He doesn't consider my will nor understands my view for not working. I told within a few months that when we have a baby inshallah then responsibilities will increase and I want to be at home and raise the child and serve him and take care of the home. Though, he is financially fit and earns a good salary, he and his mother always taunts me for not wanting to work.

After so much mental stress I had a miscarriage and fell very ill and decided not to work to avoid such nusiance. I was so weak and was planning for pregnancy and I told him when my bus stop comes, please come early and pick me up and while departing, he should hold my hands because I was afraid of losing a baby agian, but he never came early neither stood at the stop. Sometimes I felt like I should catch hold of the conductors hand who is non a Muslim and na mahram to avoid falling and discomfort but again held myself back because it woulld be a sin if I do so? In such situations what should I to do?

Q: I got married in December 2018 and I have a baby son now. My wife doesn't want more kids but I want more kids. Please tell me in light of Quran and Hadith what should I do? What are my rights?