Q: My mother is a widower since 18 years. She raised me her daughter and my brother on her own. I am married for seven years now Alhamdulillah. My brother is married for four years. He is involved in drug addiction. He has no child yet. My mum has money and good house but no happiness at all. Life is all scattered. She wants to ask what could be the reason for such situation?
Q: I would like your impartial and islamic opinion on the scenario below please. A young woman has a frank conversation her father and expresses a desire to marry her cousin. He isnt the cousin the father wants his daughter to marry, no reason given, only saying that I want you to marry cousin B and not cousin A. The woman does not want to marry cousin B and tells her father this. She tells her father that she will choose and marry a person of her choice if she cannot have cousin A. Her father tells her that if you do that I will not forgive you till the Day of Judgement if you do that. The woman finds a pakistani muslim young man of sound mind good character and they undertake nikkah. By this time the young lady has left the family home having been left emotionally and mentally drained. 10 years have gone by and her parents still refuse to forgive her. Moreover her parents have declared to the other members of the family that should any of you do such a thing you will also be disowned and not forgiven for life. This young woman's sister has also been disowned by her father because she keeps contact with her sister. The young woman does nothing untoward and unislamic. She has made many a effort to phone her parents for forgiveness and even tried to go to the house, but her father keeps shutting her out and refuses to engage in any conversation. This young woman's childhood was one of strict household policies. Some necessary and some not, for example no eid clothes allowed. Not being allowed to go on family outings. Not being allowed to remove unwanted facial hair. When the upper lip hair was removed and the father saw, he didn't converse with her for 2 weeks. Sittings with her father were always frosty. Lectures were given to dampen self esteem morale and often many negative statements. She still maintained an obedient nature. 10 years on and she is still happily married with 2 children. Her in laws love her dearly. Please offer me some opinions on this with your expertise. May I add that the girls mother isn't allowed to have an opinion on this. The father says she musn't interfere in the way he is trying to preserve family heritage. And what the daughter has done is islamically wrong from every angle.
Q:
1. There is a person who strictly adheres to the Shariat as much as he can. He is very punctual with salaah, quran recitation, zikr and azkaar and wazifas. This person is the only deobandi in his entire family because of which he is facing a lot of hardships and problems from his parents itself. That person doesn't engages or participates in biddat and unislamic shameless customs of his family because of which he is being scorned and rebuked to the limit. That person is still steadfast and doesn't wants to compromise in any of the sunnah he does but few days ago an Imam of a certain masjid who is an alim of Darul Uloom Deoband (as he claims to be) says that as that person's parents are being offended because of him wearing the sunnat libaas (attire), kurta pyajama, imamah; he should cease adorning it. And he also claims that this sunnat libaas isn't a necessary deal to be steadfast on. The person who is facing hardships from his family is Alhumdulilah has sukoon e qalb inspite of all this but the recent incident of the alim who is separating the identity of a muslim (his attire) from the core of deen has confused him. As this claim of the alim has reached that person's parents they have now become more adamant of their notion that their son is an EXTREMIST. Please enlighten that certain individual with some soothing advises.
2. As that person has been brought up in a very vile environment and also has had corrupted aqedaahs and practices instilled in his life and now
alhumdulilah he is a Hanafi-Deobandi by the virtue of Maulana Ilyas Ghuman damat barkatahum's lectures, he now wants to become an alim in order to study deen and practice upon it wholly as he still fears about having deviant aqeedahs and practices in him. He wants to enroll in Darul Uloom Dewsbury from next year and he will be leaving behind parents who are financially very stable, servants can fetch them groceries and other goods, members of the joint-family can look after them khuda na khasta if they fall ill, will it be permissible for this person to leave behind parents and travel abroad? Will it be permissible for that person who very calmly and respectfully opposes his parents, who doesn't want him to even sport a beard, and the join the madarsa? The person mentioned over here really really craves for gaining ilm and studying the deen just as a traveler craves for his wife he left behind. But the alim says that as your parents detests all of this you should clear all of this from your mind.
3. That person has protected his gaze throughout his youth and has been away from immodest acts by the Grace of Allah SWT. As he is 20 years old and is being bullied by stray vile thoughts he is finding it difficult to control his gaze and fears he may venture into the pit of activities or acts which incurs Allah's anger and wrath. To remedy this, he is planning to get married by next year and this act of marriage will shatter his family's custom of getting married only by the age of 27-30 years. That person has planned to find a spouse who is an Alimah and introduce her parents and her to his family and proceed with nikah even if they oppose him. That person doesn't want to engage in a secret nikah and he will be announcing and making it known to all of his family members and proceed with the marriage in spite of their opposition. Will it permissible for that youth who wishes to get married solely to protect himself from zina as he is having a very hard time keeping his nafs at bay. Will it be permissible to get married in this way?
Q: I need guidance on what takes priority and precedence in terms of my dilemma. I live in a small town that is Islamic conscious and a very good environment for my children. Drugs and bad habits are minimal and less accessible than the big city that I come from. Spiritually living in this town is also far more uplifting and one is more conscious of Allah. My problem is my father passed away and my mum and sister are now putting pressure on me to move back home to the city. Drugs and the environment are a problem. There is also always family politics and Ill feelings of which I am not a part of don't want to be apart of as I prefer to stay neutral and out of everyone else's business. My mum and sister are making me feel guilty in order to get me to move back there. My mum is more than welcome to come and live with me but says she doesn't want to move away from her family. I feel that they expect me to risk and sacrifice my family and life and the upbringing I want for my children for their convenience. I have explained that I don't want to move and my reasons but it falls on deaf ears as they only seem to want to make things better for them. In Islam in know the importance of my mother and I feel guilty but want the best for my kids and spiritually for myself, my husband and kids. What would be the right thing to do Islamically? Am I supposed to risk my kids and my strong spiritual grounding where I live to accommodate my mother?
Q: I am 14 years old and I am going through a lot of depression in my life. I am very unconfident and find it hard to make friends at school. I have no one to talk to or share my problems with. I used to have my cousin but i feel like i cant trust her as much as before. My dad shows a lot of hatred towards me and I have never known why. I think it is because I am girl because he loves my 11 year old brother a lot. My brother is the completely opposite to me. I have tried to share my problems with him but all he does is makes fun of me and now I regret it. My mum is the only person who I love but I can't share my problems with her because she doesn't understand English and she wont be able to help me. I have these other cousins which hate me and my dad treats them like his own children he distances me away from him but he tries to get closer with them. They always show off with the money they have and all of the things they have. They try to make my life hell they just make my life really stressful. Their mum tries and acts like my mum and says things against my mum so I turn against her and they do the same to my brother. I just want them to stay away from our family so we can lead a better life. They also try and create fights between my mum and her siblings but it never works and thats when they start with me. My dad just listens to them and takes there side and I get into so much trouble for what I haven't even done. I just wish that you can make duaa for me to make friends and make me read my namaaz with my full concentration and my cousins family leave us alone. Thanks for taking time out and reading it and I hope you can reply soon with a duaa to make some friends that I can trust. Please can you help me.