reformation

Q:

1. I used to make sincere tawba but now a days I cannot make tawba because I do it repeatedly.. Such as I touch Ayah during hayez unintentionally but there is no other choice as I read islamic books and ayah is always there even in siratun nabi.. Should I stop reading books?

2. I want to have good akhlaq but I have bad temper and low self esteem.. How to have good akhlaq and a clean heart?

3. I want to give dawah but I don't get correct words or the confidence to give dawah..

4. I want to be with correct people ma shaa Allah I go to talim they are always in a spirit to help.. But I want to avoid backbiting there is no such place where there is no backbiting and negativity and I also try to read books but there is always contradiction.I started reading Naim Siddiqui's book on our Prophet but his thinking was kind of political. Should I read this kind of writer's books?

5. After listening to a lecture of Maulana Tariq Jamil I used to make dua in my mind before salam in namaz, sometimes I took more time than the tasbeeh is my salah valid?

6. Sometimes I feel Allah is not helping such as I said Bismillah wala barakatullah with belief that there will be baraqah but the rice got overcooked and my mother complained that it caused her stomach disease ,I wanted a blessed ramadan the first two days tarawih was invalid and I suffered so much waswasa I had to make wudu 10 11 times.. I started to wear full niqab the next very day something happen that never happened when I didn't put niqab.. I wanted to hide and go to another room in order to do parda but all the rice dal fall on the floor in front of everybody.. What is the explanation behind these.. I am trying to please Allah!

7. When I am on my period how should I do aamal? Should I do the zikir which I use to do after every salah?

8. I want to be in a routine but I always fail to do so.. Please tell me what a good Muslim's routine should be..

Please make dua for me and my husband (may be he is trying to become a good muslim but his environment is not deeni) and my family..

Q: Since Ramadaan I tried to bring a change to my lifestyle . I started my tahajjud and I'm trying to refrain from intermingling and to be more strict with my purda and form of niqaab. I would like to don the jilbaab but I am scared. Scared of spiralling down after been on this spiritual high. It has happened to me before that is why I am so afraid. Also my husband dosn't seem to be impressed and is of no support in any way whatsoever. We live in a house of Aalims all together. Unfortunately our parda is zilch. I don't know how to proceed. How do I hold fast onto haq and this feeling of only wanting to do that which is atqa. My desire has always been to memorise the quraan as well. Can mufti please advise me. I don't want to lose this feeling of closeness to Allah Ta'ala. I'm so scared that I'm going to get lazy and lethargic and will slowly retrogress whatsoever. What must I do. Am I doing too many things at once? I am an aalima. I just feel like Allah Ta'ala has lifted a blindfold from my eyes and I now see things very differently. I am ashamed the change is only coming now. All the years I have been so relaxed and negligent. Please advise me. I sometimes feel like I'm fighting a battle alone and everyone is just waiting for me to fall.