marital problems

Q: Why do we find problems between the spouses in the marriage? At times, the wife is defiant and does not wish to obey the husband and at times, the husband conducts irresponsibly towards his wife?

Q: Is it right for a husband to leave his wife and kids and go stay with his mother even though they all live in the same yard? My father in law fell sick recently and was admitted in hospital so my husband didn't want to leave his mother alone to stay the night but he could leave his wife and kids to stay alone.

Q: Please advise me as I feel very embarrased. A year ago I caught my husband watching porn on his cellphone. We had a big argument about it but after all that he blamed me saying that I am not fulfillng his rights. From that time to recently I really tried to fulfill his needs but I find for the past two months he does not come to bed as usual. Instead he waits for me to be fast asleep and either falls asleep in the family room or comes to bed at about 2 a.m. Whenever I enter the room to see if he is okay he immediately switches off his phone. When I asked him what he is up to he begins to scream at me or denies doing anything wrong. I really feel embarrassed to speak to my brothers about this situation as I feel that my husband is probably addicted. Can I ask for a divorce as I feel nothing has changed.

Q: I need advice for a girl. Basically she got pressurised into marrying this guy. She didnt really want to get married to him but anyway she married him to make her father happy. Anyway, shes been married a month and she says that she is not attracted to him at all. I think people pressurised her coz his a mufti himself, his dads a mufti and the family are full of aalimahs.

When they first met they put a shart of safeguarding her niqab and her family expected it as the boys family are ulama.Hhowever, from her wedding day, respect was not shown to that as his cousins just freely walked upstairs and went in the same room as her.

Its very cold where she lives so her niqab was getting stuck to her face so her husband goes to her to put a scarf around her face instead. She thought that he is a mufti so she must just listen to him but when she is in some shops he would tell her to take off the scarf from her face and once, he even pulled it down. When they went to eat, she kept on covering her face because of the men but he was laughing at her and was implying that there is no need to cover her face when they go out to eat (like everyones eating and not looking at you).

No one in the family is strict on sharee parda and she fears safeguarding her parda if she moves in with his family. They want her to live in a joint family sytem and it does not seem that living seperate is an option. When she raised the issue about niqqab (this was at the same time when she had told him she was pressurised to marry him), he said this was just a petty masala like she was bringing up an excuse to get out of the marriage and he says that his family are very strict on niqab (which they clearly are not). She doesnt even feel attracted to him. What should she do?

Q:

1. I would like to know what is the punishment for a man who does not treat his wives equally?

2. Also a man has taken a second wife. She is a divorcee and her first husband was having an affair with a woman of disrepute. Now the first wife is very concerned about herself with regard to her H.I.V status. Does she have a right to request that the second wife take a test and that she is shown the results before continuing relations with her husband?

Q: Is it wrong for me to stay away from my wife because she will not wear hijab? I told her that she should wear hijab nicely and I encourage her by teaching her how important it is. After I realized that she does not want to change, I stopped seeing her.

Also, before marriage she told me that she would do it. Alhumduallah I have changed a lot since marriage and I don't want to support her sins as I am responsible for it. Since I stopped seeing her, she got upset and now she likes to ignore me at times.

Also is it wrong for her to be very close to and hang out with her male cousins? She also sends them pictures without hijab daily with sweet text messages. I asked her to stop and she won't. 

Q: I have been married for the past 3 years and have recently started having problems with my husband. After we got married, my husband relocated from another country to where we live now. He had difficulties getting a job and so I have been the sole provider for our home since I did have a job. I am typically a very quiet person and social situations make me anxious.

During this time my husband started complaining that I do not keep in touch with his side of the family as much as he wants me to, however I am very respectful towards them and whenever I get time off work, I try to visit them. Whenever they visit our house, I make sure that they feel very comfortable, ensuring that I prepare all their food and serve them, even though I work full time, and make sure they lack nothing.

During this time when he was still without a job, he worked so hard to make sure he completed a house for his mother, with contributions from his siblings. 6 months ago, my husband found a job Alhamdullilah, though in a different city from where I work and stay. I supported him and made sure that he was able to find a decent place to live and even assisted him with all the rent deposits etc. The work has been beneficial to him Masha Allah but the problem is that he has never once provided for us. I have continued providing for myself and our child. Whenever I ask him why he is not supporting us, he says that there are many things that he needs to sort out first. His first priority after getting his salary was to buy a car, which he said was very important for his work.

Whenever he visits us during the weekend, which is only 2 days, he goes to his mothers’ place for a day, which has led to a few uncomfortable conversations, with me asking him to stay with us and him saying I do not like his family and that is why I do not want him to visit them.

A few months ago, the house I currently live in started getting repairs done and we have been exposed to much construction related dust. I have been worried about this exposure for our toddler, so I told him about it and asked if we could find another house to move to. He suggested a few places that are far from where I leave our baby during the day and an area that is not safe for us. I discussed with him several times but he seemed not to want to change his mind. I was finally able to find a place near my work place and day care for the baby, Alhamdullilah, but he said that he hated the place. All this time we continue getting exposed to dust and the baby has gotten sick a few times. I finally told him that we have to move to the place I found temporarily, so that we can get away from all the construction, as we look for other options. Being impatient and worried for the health of my child and myself, I have gone to this new house and paid for everything so that we can move in, but he has not helped with any costs at all.

Now he is angry at me saying that I do not respect him, just because I have money. I do not know what to do. I am sad and I just found out that I am pregnant again.

My question to you is whether I have disrespected my husband by moving to a place that is safer for me and the baby? What am I supposed to do as I have tried to talk to him and he still does not understand? Is it right for a husband not to provide for his family, even if the wife is working? Am I supposed to be in constant contact with his family despite working full time both at work and at home? What should I do now? 

Q: I had an issue with my wife a month ago and I need your assistance. She was hitting on the nanny and I asked her to stop the first time and a second time to no response. I got really angry and shouted on top of my voice for her to stop. This is the sequence of what happened afterwards:

1. She hissed at me in the presence of the kids

2. She said that I slapped her to everyone that needed to know

3. A week later she refused to give me dinner 4 her sisters and mother told her what she did was bad and to apologize she never heeded to the advice

4. She told her mother that I didn't leave money for food in the house since I left 10 days ago (which wasn't true)

5. Before I left the house I told her sister that she can leave to marry elsewhere if she's interested because I can't deal with these issues (a cleric in Nigeria suggests that was a divorce)

6. I can't find my way around her anymore because im really hurt by her behaviour

7. Her mother is now negatively interfering in the matter and is making things worse. She even said I was irresponsible and Allah will purnish me.