advice

Attending an engagement party

Q: My husband and I always disagree on the topic of going to someone's engagement. I believe it is wrong because an engagement has no basis in Islam, it is not a Nikaah or anything, but my husband says it doesn't matter if it is an engagement, it is an invitation so we have to go even if it is wrong. Is it okay to go? Where does it ever say that an engagement is ok to have and to go to?

Parents not getting daughter married

Q: I belong to a pakistani family. I am 29 years old my parents are not thinking about my marriage as i am a girl they should think about me but unfortunaltely they keep ignoring this main issue even though if any proposal comes they just ignore ,as a single girl sometimes it is very hard for me to control eveything how can i tell my parents that i also want to get married and wanted to live my life with my husband, i know parents are a blessing but they should also think about my marriage and my parents dont talk to each other literally .

Wife cheating on husband

Q: I am a doctor by profession and the only son of my parents. Currently I am working abroad. I am married and I have one son also. After my marriage ,once I saw one tablet called "VIAGRA" that is used for prolonged sexual desire in a book of my wife who is also my first cousin. I inquired from her and informed my parents and her parents and they just told me that "some of her class mates must have put this tablet in her book". I am a doctor myself but because of my parents I ignored it. She was going to college even after marriage. In those days I was working 350 km away from my hometown and was going there 2-3 days in a week and 3 days I was at home. One day I received a call from some unknown person. He said to me "your wife is coming to college in the college van but she is not going to college. Please brother take care". I went to her collage and inquired from the principal whether my wife was present in college in the last few days. He confirmed that "she was absent for the last 7 days". I informed my parents as well as her parents but they told me not to tell anyone otherwise it will be a stigma for our family etc. Anyhow I compromized again. After that incident, one night she ran away from my home and I caught her mobile phone with all the private chats with some fellow. The next morning she came to her parents home and demanded her mobile phone to contact her boyfriend. Even then, because of insistance of my mother, I lived with her. Allah gave me a beautiful son, Alhamdolilah. The same year I got a visa for Maldives and I am working here. I kept my wife in Maldives while she was pregnant as my mother was insisting to keep her along with me even though I was not interested because of all these things.

In short, my kid and my wife were living with me here in Maldives and I forgot all the previous things. But again I caught her with a Christian fellow who is a teacher and living near my quarters. I got all the proofs also that they were having sexual relationship with each other from their chat. He wrote "do u remember that night u were creating sounds and we did sex in different positions etc". After this incident, I sent her safely to Pakistan and did'nt talk to her nor kept any kind of relationship with her even though she was living in my home. When I went for vacation for 14 days, I was sleeping in another room. Again my parents are insisting that live with the girl but I dont want to.

One more thing "She never ever accepted her mistake even after getting caught by me".

Secondly, alhamdolilah I didn't commit any zina or kept any sort of relationship with any other female. From her chats I've come to know that because of her family she is living with me otherwise she doesn't want to live with me. What reply should I give my parents. If I say that I don't want to live with her, they will not feel good. What should I do? 

Premarital relationship

Q: I love a guy and he even loves me. And our family knows eachother from a long time. We hadn't been involved in any haram actions. We wanted to begin with halal relationship. So he asked at his home about marrying me. But his family members denied as saying we don't like her. He is an orphan, he has a brother, sister, sister in law, brother in law, all of them refused. He tried alot. So we have done istekhara, still it's not overworking and his family said that if you marry her, then do not speak with us and there is lot of emotional blackmail. So he said he loves his family alot and as he doesn't have parents they are my world and he said no.

Meanwhile I got a rishta and that rishta is going smoothly without any hurdles. And my parents all others are happy except me. And the process has almost reached the end. The boy wants me to get married within 10 days. They are in a hurry and my parents too are in a hurry.

I would like to ask if the response of the first boy negative because since this rishta has been sent, everything is going smoothly and almost everything is final now. Can I still pray to Allah to make me the first boys life partner since I love him alot. 

Hacking

Q: I am a hacker, but I do not want to use my skills for bad. May I use the remaining unused power of a person's computer (without his permission) to help do some calculations and give half of any profits to charity?

Biwi shohar ki baat na maane

Q: Agar koi aurat apne shohar ki baat na maane or apni maan maani kare to kiya karna chahye. Agar ek aurat apne maa baap bhai behan ko apne shohar se ziyada ihamiyat de to kiya karna chaye ya iske ke liye koi dua hai taa kae aurat ko sahe raasta dikaya ja sake shohar ke lac samjaete asa kare to kiya karna chaye.

Communicating with a non-mahram

Q: From the first day of my college I started talking to a girl in my class. We met everyday and talked about many things. We also chatted on the phone. Days passed and she opened up about her personal life. Her parents got divorced when she was in 4th grade. After 2 years her mother passed away. She's the only child of her parents. After that she was adopted by her maternal uncle and since then she's living with him and his family. We discussed about religion also and she, being a christian, I told her about Islam. College closed for 10 days for holidays. After holidays, classes started again and I started ignoring her. Whenever I see her, I try to run from her. I don't even look at her. But today, while I was sitting in the corner of the class, she came up to me and said: "Why are you ignoring me? Did you forget about me?" and she went away. I felt that she was hurt. What should I do? I try my best not to get emotionally attached to someone because in the past I was hurt by getting attached to someone. As a point of sympathy... I feel that I must talk to her.Please suggest some remedy!

Choosing a spouse

Q: I am looking to get married. I am a 25 year old male. I recently went to see a girl and everything about her was good and I feel inclined to accepting her. From her end it is positive too. The only area which is causing me confusion is that although she wears a hijab that covers her hair, neck etc, she does not wear the full abaya. Is this permissible? Would it be permissable for me to marry her if this is the case. I am planning on having another meeting with her in her house in the meanwhile to clarify some more issues and will also ask if she intends to wear one, she did mention that she wants someone to marry who will encourage her in terms of deen. I have also been performing istikhara for over a week and it is all good except doubts on the above question. In my family there is no one that wears the abaya or niqaab, but my mum does wear hijab. I am also trying to encourage my sisters to wear one.