Marital Issues

Q: I'm engaged with a girl three months back but 20 days back a guy called me and pretending that he had an affair with that girl and physically also, but the girl is denying that and promised on her parents, on Allah and on the Qur'an also that she is pure and no one has touched her. I did istekara also one month back but I didn't get any feeling or dream. Her father is a good man and a heart patient. I don't know what to do. Whom to belive? She is ready to do a virginity test also. I am totally confused. Please guide me whether I should marry her or not.

Q: My brother has a 11 year old son. The child's mother passed away suddenly about 2 years ago. May Allah most Kind, grant her Jannatul Firdous, Insha Allah Aameen. The child has been through a very traumatic time for at least a year, as he was extremely attached to his mother. With the Mercy of Allah, he is coping better now. They are living with us and Alhumdullilah. My parents are taking care of us all, as they always have. However, they are getting old, and I can see my mother is struggling to cope with the responsibility that has been placed on her. My brother has remarried 6 months ago. Unfortunately, his wife felt that my mother does not have the right to tell her to do anything at home ie. help to cook and help with my nephew. She says that my nephew is not her responsibility as its not her child, and says that even Sharriah does not place this responsibility of this child on her. She wanted a place of her own, and we had made the outbuilding ready for them. She stayed there for 2 days, and then left and now boards with a lady in a flat. For 2 weeks she never told us where she was. Eventually my brother found her. He did give her one talaaq after she left. She was pregnant at the time she left our home. A month later we heard she had a miscarriage. My parents have been very upset about this and advised my brother that she was not of good character (for various reasons as witnessed by my parents) and told my brother not to take her back. She has managed to convince my brother that she is innocent and that she is sorry about what she did. My brother read Isthikaara for 3 nights and all 3 nights he had very bad dreams, 1 was him almost dying in a bad car accident. Another was him waiting in hospital for a heart operation. She has manipulated my brother to such an extent that my brother has forgiven her and have reconciled with her. She is still at the flat where she is boarding. My brother stays with us, and goes to see her everyday. He is now looking for a flat for her. My parents are still very unhappy about this and have still expressed their concerns. And in particular are worried about my nephew who is an orphan child. My brother's wife claims that it is according to Sharriah that the child is not her responsibility. He is my parents responsibility. Is this correct? And please advise how do we handle the situation. My concerns are that we are here for this child, but what will be his condition when my parents pass on? Also, will he never have a normal family if this woman does not want to care for him?

Q: Is it permissible for a married molvi to touch another woman who he is in love with but will not marry because for him its not a big deal to touch a woman in this manner. That girl loves him too but she is not agreeing to one thing, which is that she doesn't want him to sleep with his first wife after she gets married to him. Other than that she agrees to all but now the man changed his decision and left her. She is heart broken.

Q: All I ask is to make dua for me. My daughters father embraced Islam and is living with a Christian family. I don't want to live in Haraam. I want to make it halaal. I am really proud of him embracing Islam but I want to make it halaal. I don't want to live like this in sin. My daughter is getting big. All I ask is to reunite us again as a happy family and want to get married as soon as possible. Is there any dua I can recite to get married as soon as possible.

Q: I wanted to ask a question on behalf of a friend. She is married for one and a half years and she has been having marriage problems. Her husband always abuses her. Also her in-laws treat her really badly and when she asked for divorce her husband said that he isn't going to give her divorce and that he did not want to marry her but now he is going to keep her in his nikaah and he wont free her. This friend was told by someone that she should pray surah Mumtahina 11 times daily for 11 days and after this her husband will divorce her himself. I wanted to ask for her is this true because my friend doesn't believe in this.

Q: I'm really struggling. I need some answers. I got married when I was 18 and I am 24 now. My husband is from Pakistan. I'm from England and we have never had a sexual relationship and even though I'm married I'm still a virgin. I don't talk to my husband and he doesn't talk to me. Is my marriage nullified?

Q: My family want me to get married and there is a guy that I want to get married to and he wants to marry me. However , I am Indian and he is Bengali and I know in Islam parents are not allowed to say no based on culture. He told his family about me and his mum didn't accept because she is afraid we would not work out. I prayed Salaatul Istikharah and I was wondering if I should tell my family about him. Or by his mum saying no to me is that my answer and just move on?

Q: My husband and I have been married for 4 years alhamdulilah and we have a beautiful daughter. He came from a foreign country right before we got married. Now we have been living with my family since marriage. We fight over the smallest things and I always some how get stuck fighting between my family and him. Our mothers have prior problems (even though we have an arranged marriage) and it causes major issues between us. We both are very stubborn but I seem to be the only one giving in all the time and I always tell him it's shaytaan causing problems but he ignores it and says I am the reason for the fight. At this point I'm really fed up with always fighting and all I do is cry. One of the major reasons we fight is because we don't have our own place and he doesn't want to move out of my parents home. Because of us living here, my brother had to move to his wife parents house because his wife says living in the same house as my husband would make her have to stay in purdah all the time, because of this my brother fights with me because he hates living there but he can't afford living anywhere else. My husband tells me to ignore him, because his wife forces him to fight with us. Another reason is because both of us work and I am paying our bills and other expenses, even paying for our child, while he sends money to his family. If he's the father, isn't it his responsibility? Sometimes when we can't afford something we have to use a credit card, which now started building interest. He always tells me how haraam interest is but he never does anything about it. All he says is i should stop wasting my money, because there is hisaab for every penny. I find this extremely unfair because I don't want to work but I have to and I can't even complete college because of that. And now that I am working, he says I should pay off the credit card bill since I am earning, even though he took part in making that bill. If I bring up the matter of "woman shouldn't work" he says I am right and that I should make my father pay for my things (while he is sending money to his brothers and sisters). If I give money to my mom for babysitting my daughter, he asks why should you pay her, isn't she the grandmother and then he compares it to his own mother watching her grandchildren just because they are her own. If i tell him that we need to settle down before helping others, he says I am heartless and it is a form of charity. I can't argue with him or back up my concerns enough because I don't know how to respond to everything (I'm kind of slow at responses). Allah has the best solutions but something makes me think he is falling back from his imaan. Is their any hadith or can you give a response about how the husband is responsible for his wife and kids before his brother and sisters? I know his father is retired and doesn't have a reliable source of income to support the family but he has another brother who should also take part in helping with his father, but the brother also seems to be living off of us. How can I convince my husband to worry about his wife and kid and get us settled down because if we stay at this pace, we won't ever be able to get our own home or pay off our credit cards.