Marital Issues

Q: My husband is hardly intimate with me. Few months into the marriage I caught him looking at pictures of other women online and I questioned him about it and he advised he would stop, then 2 months later he was still doing it and I questioned him again and he advised he would stop. During this time we still were not being intimate, he just won’t touch me. When I question him he says “why I’m I interested in this subject?” and I respond advising “it’s my right as your wife”. He does not mind just getting wet with his clothes on and coming on top of me, I don’t like this at all. It’s not fair on me. I have confronted him about it but he does not seem to understand. I have caught him again just himself getting himself wet, but this time he says he does it when I’m not there and when he’s thinking about me. I don’t believe him. Today I have realised that he does it in a way where he thinks I don’t know what he's been up to and he is still carrying on his ways. I don’t know what to do now. I live with my in laws at home. I have confronted him a few times, We have been married for nearly 2 years. We have no children. It was NOT an arranged marriage. My husband does care for me and looks after me. But I feel run down, upset and he does not think there’s any actual problem with him not being intimate with me. I make dua on his behalf to stop. I just don’t know what to do, I can’t tell anyone as it’s a matter not to discuss. Please help me.

Q: I'm a 23 year old female, living in USA, I belong to a Pakistani family, and due to that my parents want me to get married to a person whom they choose for me. I have met this guy on the internet, and we've been talking to each other since a whole year. I really want to get married to him, but I want my parents to accept that guy as well, so I could have my parents blessing and live a happy life with that guy. Can you please advice me, what should I do? Any type of wazeefa?

Q: I am in marriage but my husband has gone abroad and he does not call me I don't know anything about him. I normally see him on Facebook with his girlfriend. I am staying with other people. They are treating me like an animal. I need advice please because I am going crazy.

Q: I have a question regarding nikaah. I have a friend. He likes a girl he met her over some matrimonial website. But not to stay in gunah they have asked their parents to make their nikah. Girl and boy are from India but from different states. Both girl and boy has asked their parents to make nikah, so all is well except the thing that girls mother isn't agreeing as she is saying that we don't marry any of our kids out of state as she is scared that girl will go so far from her and their will be no one to look after her from her family. Boys family is good and respectable one, but girls mother is full of negatives in mind that boys parents might harm the girl and all wrong what she can think. Now the girl is adamant in marrying that boy as he is deendar MASHAALLAH and girl also wants boy of this kind. Boy and girl both are much concerned about deendari of each other as they want to make nikah and want to work for deen by going in jamaat and best efforts what they can do. Girls parents are not much concerned about deendari and all for her son in law. So guide them what could be the best possible solution for this ? Early response will be appreciated.

Q: I'm married for eleven years. Recently I caught my husband watching porn. I was very upset because it was the second time. And he knows it's wrong. Recently our intimacy has been very less and I suspected that something was wrong. I told him a lot of hurtful things and at the same time expressed my feelings. The problem now is that I don't feel like having relations with him. I don't even like him to touch me. I feel so used and abused and I know that I will not accept him now knowing what is in his mind when he is with me. I'm so depressed and disappointed. I don't know what to do. Am I allowed to stop sexual contact with him or is this a big sin. And how can I get over this disappointment and go on with my life. Please help because I love my husband and I also hurt him.

Q: I am 35 years old. Married with children. I have decided to take a second wife. I told my wife everything that had happened and want to take a second wife, but she refuses to agree. I do know that I do not need her permission but I would like to get her permission because she is important to me. The second lady has read her isthikaara and has accepted to be my second wife, she fully understands the regulations of being a second wife. Could you please assist with my problem.

Q: My husband and I are both reverts. I have no mahram to protect my rights. I found out on Tuesday that my husband has a new wife. It was secret for a few weeks (he claims he can't remember how long he is married. I estimate 2 weeks to a month) that was Tuesday, and on Thursday he left for a planned 40 day jamaat. As you can imagine, now is the time I need his assurances more than anytime. I am trying to be obedient and accept his new wife. I am really trying hard. But, he let slip that he bought her salaah tops, scarves and tasbeeh. In our whole 5 year marriage, he has never, ever given me a single gift. And he said that his gifts to her don't include me as it to help her live her live as a Muslim. Is that true? My husband, has told me many lies over the last few weeks, and I asked him multiple times. Does he have a new wife. He repeatedly denied it. He also lied about his repeated 3 days that he had recently. How do I forgive him, and start trusting again? My last, important question. How do I find my Allah again? When I try to pray or make my zikrs or even just speak to my Allah. I feel like there is a door in front of me that I can't penetrate. I can't sleep or eat. I am fasting so I can try to be closer to Allah. I am making my salaahs on time. Sir, I love my husband and I want to make it work, and I want to regain my relationship with Allah. I also have to accept her. If I die, she raises my children. And he is threatening to take my children, he is threatening to leave me and take them. If I don't comply completely with everything he wants. What can I do?

Q: I have a problem with depression. This is related to a girl I like and I feel that she is a test from Allah. But the issue is I cannot get her off my mind. I am a religious person but still with the recitation of Qur'an this ill feeling is still sticking and it's very hard to focus on anything else. She is not a Muslim which is the other issue. Please brother tell me what I can do about this situation? She is working with me which compounds the issue.

Q: My question is not straight forward but I'll try to make it as concise as possible. I am 18 years old and when I joined college 2 years ago I got to know this person. We started to like each other, he is very God-fearing so he asked me to marry him and make it a halaal relationship for us to be in. So I spoke to my mother and she said she would do something about it and here I am 2 years later hoping for her to still do something. As I am Pakistani love marriages are rare in our culture so my mother did not tell anyone that it is a love proposal. She told her parents and my father that we received a proposal from his foster parents. And because this is the the first proposal they have received they are taking it really lightly and I am not able to do anything other than talk to my mother and ask her to do something but I have tried so hard to convince her she isn't doing anything about it. The person I want to marry is very pious and kind alhamdulilah and his family are as well. I don't know what to do I do not want to be in a haram relationship of any sort because I have only just started to realise the meaning of life and he is the reason I am a better person today. How do I convince my mother, what shall I say to her?