Marital Issues

Q: I have problems in my marriage also in my brothers marriage. Please give me some dua for a happy married life.

Q: Can a man start over and walk away from his children of his previous marriage without having anything to do with them in future? Can he completely cut himself off from his children?

Q: My husband had an affair then married without my knowledge. She eventually left him cause he refused to leave me. I am lost as I have just found out she gives him ultimatums either me or her. A fasak is sacred, there is no making up according to my knowledge. Then to top it all messages from another female he is having an affair again. I am so hurt. I am the only one working. People say I should have myself seen too cause there is too much hasad on me. I feel Allah protects us all. I was told not to get off my chair meaning not to leave my husband. But what must I do because he clearly doesn't love me. I am the only one working and cannot get leave to go to MJC. I am the sole provider for my family. He refuses to leave me on paper but he has moved out and says he doesn't want me. This happened before then he just pitches up again speaks nicely then comes home. This time its the worst and I feel hurt and betrayed. I need counselling. I don't know where to go for this Please advise.

Q: It is not even one year of my marriage.  I am currently pregnant and expecting my first child. My husband and I constantly fight for trivial reasons. He feels that I am not a good wife because I am teaching only for few weeks as it is part of my studies. I am only doing it so if something happens I can do something with my life and do not need to rely on anyone. He tells me that I must not come home for the current week and stay at my parent's and he will fetch me the week after. But due to my ill temper I told him don't bother. I am so fed up of this marriage. I feel like I am a caged bird. I may be islamically inclined but I am not a saint. He expects me to be a saint. I can no longer take it. I have felt hurt and sad through out my pregnancy. I can no longer take this. I have tried to over look many remarks and fights. But there is a limit and I've reached it. Could you please help me?

Q: Firstly I would like to thank you for providing the ummah with a great service Alhamdulilah. My question is marriage related. I am a male married with 2 children. I have committed zina of the eyes, as to which my wife has asked me to leave the house because of time and space that she needs to get her self together and for me to seek guidance. I left the house and stayed at my brothers house for a few days who is also married it was not right for me to lodge there but my brother said it is better for you to stay here than to rent a place of your own and have no one watch over you, this way I can help you. I have been staying at my brothers for 2 months and with in 3-4 weeks my wife rang me and said that she is pregnant and felt I should know before anyone else which I respect her for. Our relation has had times of turbulence and a lack of miss communication and at times where I have been dominant and abusive, and had anger issues. Alhamdulilah I pray 5 times and have since controlled myself in behaving in such a way which as I used to upon courses and from my wife. We have been going on marriage reconciliation courses and Alhamdulilah was doing well till this incident. 

My wife will not speak to me as she is disgusted with my act and that I have deceived her and lost her trust. So I speak to her father who says that she needs time to think things through and all the things we have gone through our relation have built up and has resulted in her eruption, wanting me to leave the house. Is this judgement correct for her to have a grudge now after 10 years of marriage to bring up everything from past? 

I have spoken to my wife upon leaving over the phone and says that I need to better myself and seek forgiveness of my sin and that she has done istikhara and leaves it upon Allah to sort things out. Recently I have found out that in surah Talaq you are not allowed to throw
you spouse out of the house unless a major sin is committed. My wife said that I have not thrown you out on basis of khulla or seek divorce but for you to better yourself and then return when she thinks time is right or when Allah wills. She is pregnant and I don't want to treat her in anyway out of surprise and turn up at the house and say your not allowed to throw me out. I would like a better approach as to what I should do and if what I am doing is correct?

I have mentioned that Allah created human to commit sin but the believer is he who accept his mistake and who repents and makes tauba.  I have said I have repented for my mistake and that all I have to offer is to better myself. I have asked her father and also her to speak to someone one from my side of the family who I trust will speak of the truth and her family as according to Sha'ria , she agreed upon this but later apologised and disagreed just said shes not in the state to go over this. I respected her wishes and left it at that considering her pregnancy, but now I am coming to think that during pregnancy women can go through depression and make hasteful decisions or think irrationally but even if I wait till after the baby is born what if she goes in post natal depression. 

Alhamdulilah I have 2 beautiful children who are suffering but their say I don't want the kids having your bad influence.

I would greatly appreciate it if you could help. I am sorry I have written a big essay but I didn't think it right if I only told you part of the story and for you to pass a judgement upon that because the scales wouldn't be fair. I don't want to make it sound like I am minimising my sin, but I continue praying that Allah guides me and helps me to work harder to abstain in turning to anything which earns me his displeasure. 

Q: I am married and have kids. Through out my marriage I had a lot of problems. I stayed because of my kids. The issues were mainly my husband going out with bad company, staying out late, people seeing him at clubs, or people saying he's on drugs. I have now found out that he is taking drugs. He refuses to admit it. Says he isn't. He's not working at the moment, he is trying everywhere for a job. What must I do? I can't afford kids school. I'm not thinking straight. I only cry and feel helpless. I want to leave. What does Mufti advise?

Q: I want to marry a girl and she also wants to marry me. We both boy and girl agree, my parents and family also agree but the girl's parents and family are not agreeing. Please give me a wazifa or some dua to make the girl's parents agree for our marriage. Give me a wazifa for the
girl to recite.

Q: Can I read istikhara namaaz to see if I married the wrong person? I did read istikhara before I got married over a year ago, but I am beginning to think that my excitement may have affected it and I was too young at the time (19). Our fights are mentally and physically unhealthy for the both of us. How does a women ask for a divorce if the man doesn't want to give it?

Q: I need help. I'm a mother of three kids and my husband is in another country. It's been two months he is not replying to my emails or my
phone calls. I have called him 100 times with more than 100 emails. I need your help give me a dua so he can call me and talk to me because he is with friends who is making him do drugs and drink alcohol and telling him not go call me. I am married to him I am under his nikaah and he's neglecting me and my kids for his friends. He is not even supporting me with money. My father is helping me to pay my rent and utilities bills. Give me a dua so my husband can come back to me Insha Allah and listen to me and love me like he used to. Please send me a dua urgently it's been 2 months he didn't call or talk to me or his kids. When I call him he ignores my calls all his friends pick up his phone and tells me not to call him again. I am lost what to do my kids are crying and sick after the fathers voice when I email him that your kids are sick he used to say show me proof. That's all he would say and curse me blaming men on me. I need a dua urgently please. 

Q: I have been married since 2008. During my first year of marriage, my husband hit me, swore me, smashed the wind-screen of my car and used drugs. I went back home for nine months trying to get my talaaqs from the jamiatul-ulema. They said we should reconcile. We did reconcile and I fell pregnant. My husband started using drugs and got hectic, straight after I gave birth, he went to rehab. When he came out, we went for counselling and soon afterwards, I suspected he was using, but he said it was only weed. I fell pregnant again but had a  miscarriage. I refused to go back unless he signs a conditional talaaq valid for six months. In that six months he broke two of the conditions. We then went for marital counselling. He still abuses me mentally and verbally. He doesn't physically abuse me as bad as before. He
just pushes and pulls here and there. I got a faskh granted on this basis from an Imaam who is an Islamic minister at a certain center and began sitting my iddat. Now he says that he has found out from Ulama' that my faskh is not valid. Is my fasgh valid and who can issue a fasgh? I do not want to go back.