Marital Issues

Q: I have a marriage question. I am 23 years old. I got married last year but been engaged with my husband for 4 years. During our engagement we had a lot of arguments and one big argument about a year ago where he thought I was cheating on him so he wanted to break the engagement but his parents persuaded him not to. About six months after the wedding I found out the real reason for my husband wanted to end the engagement which was that he wanted to marry someone else but his parent kinda force him to marry me. Now he still speaks to that girl and when I confront him, he says that he's not speaking to her and wants a relationship with me and that it's all my fault because "I have a women's brain and he is loyal with me" and I try to do everything for this relationship to work but I'm not getting anything from him. One of the big reason that stresses me out is that he does not want to have children and when I talk about having children he makes excuses up that we are not financial stable or he doesn't like children. Also another thing is that I called my husband over to the UK from Pakistan and all my family is always saying how he is just looking to settle in the UK and get a visa and then he will leave me, I am so worried about this because I actually want this relationship to work but I don't know what his intentions are. I really love my husband and want him to love me back but if he loves someone else I don't want to be in the way of his happiness. Sometimes I think I should get a divorce because I don't want him to use me for the visa and then leave me. Couple of times I spoken to him to marry that girl but he just shuts me down. I am so confused about what to do. Can you please explain to me what I should do Islamicly? Shall I stay or leave him because this is hurting too much and everyday it's getting more hard and I dont know what to do?

Q: I have been married for nine years. My husband reverted to Islam before we married. He has been drinking and doing drugs since the day we got married. He keeps promising to stop but it never happens. He also keeps accusing me of having an affair (which is not true). The other problem that I have is that he wants to be intimate when under the influence. Most times a have to force myself because it makes me feel belittled and cheap. I have been to see our Imam and also had both my parents and his come and speak to him numerous times over the past 9 years but without any success. I have a 9 year old boy and a 5 year old girl. His behaviour has an impact on the kids as we always end up arguing and the kids are exposed to this. I try to the best of my ability to raise my children the Islamic way but he does not even want to go to mosque with my son or perform Salaah with us. The relationship is verbally and emotionally abusive. Is drug and alcohol abuse valid enough reason to apply for a fasakh? I have extremely unhappy.

Q: I am working in the government for some time but have started an Aalimah course part time. I am uncertain of resigning due to challenges at home as relationship between mum in-law not very good and work was my scapegoat. However if I am at home, we will clash even more. Is it okay form me to work part time as I foresee more problems at home and I also do not communicate well with husband as he narrates everything to his mum. Pls advise.

Q: I am a married woman and I am having problems with my sister in-law. She is very sharp tongued and never misses an opportunity to say rude things to me. I am not a person who can fight back at her as this is not in my nature because of this I suffer emotionally and mentally for a long time due to the things she says to me. Will I be sinful if I stop going to her house as she always seems to have a problem with me? I will not prevent my husband from going.

Q: If a husband orders his wife not go to some of her relatives and she goes without the husband's permission, is she living in sin?

Q: I want to marry a non-Muslim but I have been trying to convince her to believe in God. She says she will believe in him a bit, also she wears clothing that are not acceptable in Islam, furthermore she does horse riding which women are not allowed to do in Islam. I love her very much but I don't want to marry someone who is not meeting the requirements, because I want my children to be Muslim. I am stuck and don't know what to do. Could you please tell me what the are all the requirements for marrying a non-Muslim and help me solve this problem.

Q: Is it permissible to masterbate if one's spouse is unable to fulfil the others needs. My wife and I have been married for 10 years now, and in the beginning we would fill each others desire till we were exhausted. Now she won't even try for weeks to satisfy me. We have no children yet, but my sex drive is still very high.

Q: Recently my family did my marriage and my husband is too much taller and fat compare to me. When I'm having sex with him I'm suffering from too much pain. I can't explain you. So just I want to known is it compulsory to have sex with him every day or for few month I can have sex with him once in a week. Even before marriage no one ask me about this boy just they did my marriage with this man. So please can you tell me is it compulsory to have sex with him every day or I can have sex with him once in a week?

Q: There is a man who is in love with me but he is married with 3 kids. He does not want to tell his wife about us because he says it will be problem. But he loves me and wants to make nikaah with me. What should I do? Please advise.

Q: I come from a Gujrati speaking family. I wish to marry a Urdu boy. This displeases my parents as they only want a Gujrati boy for me. There only reason being that he is Urdu. He is of good character and Islamic values. Would it be right for me to go against there wishes and marry this boy?