Marital Issues

Q: I have been married for almost nine and a half years. I have always contributed to the household taking care of groceries and the other household expenses. My husband never ever gave me an allowance. he has a very extravagant lifestyle and has incurred a lot of debt. He has always taken care of his sister's expenses and spent huge sums of money doing an extravagant wedding for her which partially contributed to his debt. To keep the peace I just continued to make contributions to the house and other expenses. Sometimes cut back on things I needed just to ensure that he got what he wanted. In the past 3 months, he asked if I could assist him with budgeting to help him get out of his debt. I have also helped fund his lavish lifestyle of buying expensive clothes and paying for his fancy cellphone. When I pointed out his faults and where he needs to cut down on. He could not accept that he was wrong and refused to cut back on certain luxury items. In a fit of rage he dumped my clothes at my mums house whilst I was still at work and issued a talaaq 1 on whatsapp an email. I would just like to enquire if iddah is compulsory for me to sit in my mum's home or is it permissible for me to go to work daily. I do feel very alone as my Dad is deceased and my brother is out in 2 months Jamaat in another country at the moment. During this time my husband has gone and discussed the divorce with all my uncles and so he says with the Jamiat as well. Even though the Jamiat did not here my side of the story. his dad is away on Umrah. I sent a message to both his dad and sister telling them that he wants to end our marriage because his in financial distress and yet they are the ones that have put him there. Neither of them even bothered to respond or show me any support and yet I am the one that allowed them to have a good life whilst I had to go out and work and take care of myself. Most of my uncles do show me a lot of support, however I am one who tends to bottle up my feelings and just take the pain and do not express what is really going on inside my heart. Your guidance will really be appreciated.

Q: I am my husbands second wife and married to him since three years. His first wife fights with him now and then as he married me. She threatens him that she will leave his house and take away his children with her. She curses him to die and has scratched his body while fighting . Then after few days tries to be normal as if nothing happened and my husband also forgave her for her bad deeds many times but now the relations have worsened and he wants to divorce her but she doesn't want divorce because she thinks that her husband will become free and will live happily with me. They are not having any any physical relations since a long time. Is my husband at fault for not keeping physical intimacy with her? He is taking care of his family otherwise and doing his duties honestly. Kindly let me know what should he do?

Q: I am in love with a girl and want to marry her. I told my parents to ask for her hand but they are not agreeing as they have heard that the girl does not have good character. But after meeting the girl I am more attracted to my religious obligations. Please guide me what to do.

Q: Agar biwi nikaah me hai aur biwi dusre admiyo se hum bistari kare to kya ushe talaak dena chahiye ya shariyat me kuch aisa mujhe plzz mujhe batye.

Q: I have a big issue in my life, my wife has left me. Its been over a year and half and every time to time she comes back says she wants so reconcile but on her terms and when I don't agree she says forget it. All the issues started a year and a half when her mother started to interfere and she started to listen to her mother over me. Her mother feels that a woman should be independent and work were she feels and do as she feels and I did not agree with this so my wife's mother told her to leave me and she went. I have also seen my wife with another man who she said is just her work colleuge and she was walking with him to the train station I have told her this is wrong and haraam but she feels it is not. My wifes friends have advised her that she should leave me and ask for a divorce also my wife has asked her friends to find her a husband even though we are still married my wife has completely turned against me of course its not all her fault there are times when my wife has been disobedient to me and I have shouted and swore to which I have apologised. I am very heart broken. My wife has said and done things that make me feel that maybe she has been un-faithful. I love her very much. We also share a child. She has not let me see my son for the last 9 months. I don't want to divorce her but she has no care for me. I have tried so many times to reconcile but if she does not get her way, then she says its over I don't no what else to do but I cant seem to get over her and still love her after she has hurt me so much and all she does is blame me and make me feel bad. Her mother and friends have turned her completely against me. I have done so much for her financially. She left me in a very bad position as well. I can't seem to forget her and my son. I really want to be with her but she does not care even though we are still married, she is doing whatever she likes. She is working in an environment with a lot of male workers and she finishes work late but she says its my fault because I am not around but I am around but she does not care. She keeps making excuses and blaming me to justify what she is doing. I don't no what else to do. I am very depressed that i loved her so much gave her everything and she has just left me even till today I do not know what I did so bad that she just left and doesn't let me see my son and she says I never done anything good for her. I use to do everything for her. I used to go and buy everything for her but I never complained as I was happy with her but now she says so many bad things about me like I never did any good. A year ago her father asked me to go to try to resolve things but her mother said my wife does not need to listen to everything I say, thats not how it works and I said but we will keep arguing if she doesn't listen and her mother responded by saying well then it wont work. I need help on how to deal with this. I feel as I am going through severe pain and heartache and am not able to deal with this trauma. I don't understand how someone can just stop loving me so easily. I feel she was with me when it was good but when things was going bad she left. I feel her love had conditions if I did as she wanted then shes with me but I loved her unconditionally. I am very lost and need help. Everyday is becoming harder and harder. Please help me.

Q: I have a common issue. I want to get married to a girl but my parents don't want her. I love and respect my family but I really want to marry this girl. She is Muslim of course. What should I do?

Q: I have a Muslim co-worker that got married a few months. She was a divorcee. The man she married has a teenage son from a previous marriage. She herself has 2 pre-teens. One being a girl. She does not live with this man as she's scared her ex-husband (whose been married for over 6 yrs now) will gain custody of the children. How valid is that marriage? The new husband is building a house so that her daughter can have her own room and bathroom in the house. By the time the house is built the girl will be 12 and the new husband's son will be 14. Is that allowed in Islam?

Q: I need advise regarding my husband who has converted into Islam for 5 years and now he says he wants to go back to Christianity because Islam is too difficult for him. We have a wonderful relationship for the 7 years we are together and I don't want to lose it. What can I do or any advice?

Q: My husband has two wifes and I am his second wife. My husband had performed umrah four times already with his first wife and he is going again to perform umrah with his first wife and his elder daughter and again not taking me with him. Please tell what are my rights about this matter?

Q: I am B.Tech qualified student doing M.Tech. My uncle is repeatedly saying to continue M.Tech and pursue Ph.D and become assistant professor which will require at least 4 years. I am already 25 years old and want to earn as soon as possible as I feel I should get married since 2-3 years. But I feel shy to talk on this matter with my parents. I want to do a job but uncle insists that teaching will be better for me (by observing my weak physical condition due to black magic). Completing higher studies will require 4 years and I will be reaching 29 years till I complete Ph.D become assistant professor. Due to sexual temptations and to prevent myself from sins, I want to do nikaah, but my uncle and father is of the view that I should continue studies. What should I do? During 2-3 years, I had indulged in pornography and masturbation due to temptations. If I continue to study for 4 years, there is danger of getting involved myself in porn and adultery and I don't want to do it. What should I do in the light of Quran and Hadith? How should I inform them about this and convince them. Also I am confused as to what source of income will be better for me job or teaching? (Teaching is better if whole life is concerned except four years and government job is better if entire life is concerned)