Marital Issues

Q: My question is about that my husband does not pray regularly even if he got time. He is lazy and he get depressed in life and he can't do a proper job. He gets angry with his wife, kids and family for little things. I want to ask you that as a Muslim how many times I have to tell him to perform Salaah and practise Deen? What shall I pray or do to better my circumstance because I really want my husband and kids to be good Muslims and good Da'ees in Islam?

Q: My mum got married to a divorced man 26 years back. Well my father now is 63 years old, talks to girls in front of my mum, give his card to them and asks them for dinner and has bad intentions which I can't even say. I am his daughter. We all know and I have myself saw him walking and touching ladies hands, gazing at them, watching porn videos and asking my mum to have anal sex. My father knows that Islam declared these thing haram but he does not have sense of it. He does not perform namaz. It seems that he is totally out of religion, he is a very very bad person. I don't even like him. Sometimes he says I will go out with girls have diner and will do anal sex when I get a chance. Many things I have herd myself. My mom says I spend my whole life with him bearing his bad words, abuses, his hand when he beats her, his belt etc, still he is like this as if she means nothing to him. He also makes fun of her. My mum is a sugar and blood pressure patient and sometimes she feels like her brain will burst. I love her and can't see her this way. My brothers are not helping mother and they are not interested. They shout at her. Only I am my mum's shoulder. Please tell me what should I and my mum do? It is getting out of control.

Q: I tied knot in 2011 and my rukhsati was in the same year. It's been four years since my marriage now and I'm in the same box for years. My mother-in-law started disliking me the day I got married in short neither she nor anyone in my husband's family was in the favour of this marriage. The real problem started just after a week when she start making wrong assumptions about me and spread false information about me around the neighbours and relatives(I never met). My mother in law was unjust toward me and portrayed a image of evil daughter in law. I felt strange and bad at the same time, I wasn't sure of what's going on till I asked her directly that " was she in the favour of this marriage?" Her answer was plain no. Let me add this that my rukhsati was held in Islamabad from where I'm and it was a simple function in which none of my husband's family attended except his mother because my mother insisted my mother in law. My mother in law before rukhsati said to send her along my husband which my mother didn't approve. And during the function she introduced the girl she chose for my husband by saying "she is the girl I chose for my son". She also have stated some mean things about my mother and my siblings. She created a lot of problems in the house by calling my husband and saying inappropriate things to him. My husband psychologically was tired and not stable when he decided to move out. And after four years none of my husband's family member is in touch with me they still say bad things about me for eg his sister said I'm not a good girl, his brother tried to create problem between us by saying she is trying to distance you from them and always say negative things about me to which my husband believed. This is just one problem and the other was y relation with my husband during the time when my in laws were doing all this, my husband told me that he is having a problem of ED, we still have not developed a relation of husband and wife due to his problem and his lack of interest( I can say). For past four years, my husband had consulted four doctors only. Whenever I talk to him about it he gets frustrated and I can't make him feel him bad so I choose my words wisely. Though he hadn't done anything about it and I don't know how long this will continue. I told my mom about this and she advised me to come back home and I never left my husband with a believe that we can solve this and things will work out and I was wrong. My husband fulfils other duties and provide me with things but there is always something missing. After my marriage he was also in a favour of adoption. I stress a lot about our problem and my husband doesn't seem to care. It's just not the problem it's more of our relation. He don't think about us. He stress over his duty towards his parents and he fears that he will be held accountable for them only. He believes moving out of his parents house means he abandoned them. Though he asked his parents to move in with us on which his mother said "I can't live with your wife". Recently, he got a job opportunity from abroad and he declined by saying he can't go out till his parents are alive and he psychologically is in peace because of them (his parents). He don't think about us or our problem, he seems to not care. He takes me for granted and I know this now. I don't know what my purpose is in my husband's life. I feel depress and not wanted at times. I know I have every right to ask for divorce.. I'm too weak for that as I loved this man and expects a lot from him but I get dishearten every time. I have seek Allah's help and prayed for things to get better but I'm still standing there. I'm not happy anymore. I'm in depression. I have written everything about my marriage life and things going on and how I feel. There is nothing I have exaggerated or added anything of my own. I just need some help to pull myself from this.