Marital Issues

Q: What is the responsibility of a Muslim man towards supporting his kids and wife and supporting his parents? I have been working since I got married assisting my husband support our children as his money went towards supporting his parents putting his sister through school etc. At times he did not have a job and he used my money. We do not have our own house and live with his parents to look after them since he is the only son. We do not even go away on holiday without taking his parents and married sister along. However I recently found out that his mother decided that if she dies the house will go to my husband but if he dies before her, she will give the house to his married sister who has not even taken her parents to a restaurant or a holiday. She eats for free by us on weekends and holidays but buys takeaways quietly for herself and her husband. Is this justice? What then will become of me and my kids who are still young eldest 12? Why is it my responsibility to provide for our kids? Where in Islam does it say that he is forced to live and support his parents and that I should live under his mother's rules.

Q: I would like to ask you is there a verse in the Quraan that states about privacy for example knocking as one's residence and they refuse to let you in. I know she is allowed to visit her mother and visa versa. Also what if she is defiant and has her family over all the time because it is a matter of privacy. Am I right? And he has a right to reject them no? And also is it permissible for a woman's mother to stay at her residence because according to my understanding she (mother) only has rights at her nephew's residence or her brother and it is also the responsibility of her husband. Please elaborate further.

Q: I got your reply today and I got very happy by reading your reply. Jazakallah khair. My husband is a very nice person. My in-laws are also very nice and supportive but the thing is that my husband is a very short tempered person and I am a very patient and sober kind of girl. So sometimes he hurts me so much by his behaviour. You wrote in your reply that my istihkara dream indicates that my relation with my husband and in-laws is improving.. So please tell me what should I need to do to handle his rude kind of behaviour? I love and respect him and my in-laws and I want to be the best wife for him and the best daughter for my in-laws. Allah has given me approval for this relation by showing me the positive response in my dream. I trust Allah a lot and I respect his decision by saving my relationship with my husband and in-laws and that is the reason I always try to handle things patiently. Waiting for your reply. Allah bless you.

Q: I have been married for couple of years now and ever since my marriage my husband keeps talking bad about my family and how he did not get anything as dowry from my family. I have stayed with him for 1 year after marriage since he is unable to provide me visa in order to stay together. His job is not giving him visa so he buys business visa for himself and the only reason he is sticking to his job is because it's easy where he does not have to work. The one year I stayed was when I found a job on my own. I want to your advise please since am not sure what to do. My husband does not make any effort in keeping us together, does not like my family, takes help from them but talks bad behind, he uses bad language with me, tells me I am not fit to be a wife, does not like the food I prepare, and asks me to stay in his father's house since I am married to that house. He married me thinking my family is from US and thought he will get everything and it is not necessary to work. Now I have a baby as well and he does not show any interest in keeping us together. All the time he cries about how he has no money and has to send to his family and how we have become an expense on him. I keep thinking why am I with such a person who does not like any of my qualities. I want to divorce him but worried about my child. Please advise is this the right ground to take a divorce or should I keep trying.

Q: Is it permissible for a momen (believer) woman who has young children to stay in the same house but different room with a husband who is acting hypocritically (Allah knows he wants to irritate his wife by refusing to pray and use of improper words, swearing etc. because he doesn't like his wife or he is really what he shows), or she should divorce, as she doesn't want to be divorced unless living with that kind of husband is Haram. If divorce is not mandatory she is ready to have saber until she is alive because Allah's satisfaction is more impotent then everything else to her.

Q: I want to learn driving but my husband seems jealous. The problem is that he is always travelling and seem to love wife's money a lot because I work. I want a dua to do because a driving licence is very important to me. Please help.

Q: I and my husband have been married for four years now with one two year old son. Before our marriage we had a love relation for ten years. As we are cousins too, we had the most beautiful relation though with few fights. Just before getting married I was studying for USMLE but my husband who was my fiance stopped me had big fights and told me to leave it and study in Pakistan whatever I want to do. Two years after our marriage I did my specialization and started working in hospital from 9 to 2. Its been last one month my husband has strong objection on not doing it and leaving it. In between our marriage we had huge fights. My husband beat me several times very brutally and things have gotten to two talaaqs because of his anger. He has not given me any money for my personal expenses only for house hold and recently he took away money from me which he gave to save and told me he will not give me money as I do job and he will deprive me of it. I came to my parents home. He came and misbehaved and abused my parents. They came to know he beats me regularly and abuses me. They told me to leave him but he apologised and said he will not do it again and let me continue my profession. As I came back with him his attitude is still the same no change in it. His parents tell him in front of me to do second marriage. I would add here that he recently told me before going for hajj that he had been bisexual before marriage and has done infidelities multiple times with both men and women but after marriage has stopped. My heart has stopped loving and trusting him and I don't even like it when he touches me because his attitude towards me is still the same. Should I get separated? Is it ok for me to leave him or stay? I am unable to communicate with him because he will fight and hurt me. I don't want to destroy our relation but my heart no longer likes him.

Q: I am really worried with a problem which is very big for me right now. This mail may be big. But for Allah's sake, help me. I asked you a question a few years back regarding my husband taking his office colleague in his car to jummah salaat and dropping her at her home. This was without my knowledge. You said it is not allowed. I've shown the mail to him. The woman and my husband decided not travel. Now again after all this time, I am a mother of 3 boys aged 6 5 and 1 year. I am a stay at home mother. As a wife I fulfill every duty and responsibility of mine to the fullest and as a mother also. My husband and I had a fight over his picking up a neighbor from the Hindu community from his office. I asked him to stop it and he agreed, Promised me. Then two years later I found on his phone a few whatsapp messages saying you are beautiful and some more than friendly chat of whatsapp messages with smiles and lol's. He is 37 now and the girl is maybe 25. He was loving me a lot. Literally he and I shared a very special bond. I felt blessed that Allah has given me a loving and caring husband and three beautiful kids. My family was perfect. Suddenly this girl comes. I asked him to stop taking her in his car as I feel possessive in these things. I don't want another woman to sit in the front seat. He hit me back then. I was pregnant with my 3rd baby. Then he realized and said sorry. I was kept in the dark all this time. He was cheating behind my back. He says he was only friendly with her. Picking her up. Dropping her at home. But why do this without my knowledge. Now he hits me a lot. Says he can leave me (divorce) anytime if I make a fuss out of it. What should I do. I feel lost, suicidal. But I care for my kids. I don't want to hurt them. If something happens to me. They will be left alone in this world. I was hospitalized with all this shock. My BP thyroid sugar levels are high now. I can't bear this anymore. Please help me.

Q: My husband has become so hostile towards me. He cannot find a job and blames me for that, as I have misplaced his CV. I tried creating one again, but he says it is not the same. He is helping a family with only women, mostly with his money, but then I have to help him pay the debt. His family spoke to him about a non-mahram woman but he told me that if that is a problem, he will marry the woman so that it is not an issue. When I tell him to leave me, he says he will but I must give him a chance to stay at my house till he finds a job. He maintains that he will not free me, even after he leaves. Now I hear remarks from my family that he wants to inherit from me. Can I sell one of my assets, even if I make a loss and give him his share of inheritance, instead of him waiting for me to die. It is very, very painful to see my husband go to these people. The mother and other members of the family calls him to help them (that is the reason he says he goes there). I can be spiteful and sell all my assets and give it to my children whilst I am still alive, but it would be at such a loss. I only have two more years to work and he is cross because I could not get a loan for a franchise for him, even if I put all my assets as security. He accuses me of boycotting the process. I tell him that Allah (Ta'ala) has saved me instead, as he is not really interested in staying with me. Please advise as to what to read, what amaal to do, how to handle the situation.