Q: I have to ask your good self something about my lifestyle blunders (sins). To begin with I wish to tell u something about myself. I was born in a poor home and illiterate society. My father a graduate but unemployed. My mother illiterate. My neighbourhood also illiterate with few exceptions. In my childhood I was sexually abused by two boys elder to me. They took me to a secluded place and tried to harm me but I ran away. Later I got mingled into the society after 6th standard, probably owing to my fathers frustration because he could not get a government job and got over aged for any government job. The elder boys in the neighbourhood told us their stories what they did. They told us how they assaulted younger boys sexually (rape as per law). Similarly my friends at school introduced me to masturbation and other things. With time all these things poisoned my young mind and I landed in all these crimes. I assaulted 5 small boy sexually. Although I didn't inflict any physical pain to them but I used to rub my organ against theirs till I got done. This continued for many years till 22. I went ahead in studies and now I am a doctor. In my final year I failed. At that time I got isolated from my batch mates. I was in a great distress. One evening when I was preparing again for that exam, I sat down for rest. All of a sudden all these past memories surfaced into my mind. I remembered my crimes and sins. Those children who are now in their late 20's. I felt sorry. Three years have now passed since then. I m feeling worried about my sins. What will be my condition on qiyamah and in the grave. These things haunt me. Please tell me what to do, for Allah's sake. Should I go to Saudi Arabia for punishment or will I beg these boys for forgiveness. (I told one to forgive me) Also please tell me its punishment Islamically. Even then will Allah forgive me. I am psychologically a lot disturbed. I hate mused and curse myself. I think I will not be able to marry. Even if I I got married, I could not be able to take care of my family because day by day I am getting more involved pscholgically. Please tell me , for Allahs sake.
A: Beg Allah Ta`ala's forgiveness and promise Allah Ta`ala that you will not engage in this type of wrong, and in some way discourage youngsters from this type of relationships. Allah Ta`ala will definitely forgive you provided you are sincere and you come with a determined heart to Him.
And Allah Ta'ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
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