Marrying a Barelwi

Q: A marriage proposal came for my daughter. The boy and his family involve in barelvi practices which we consider baseless, as my family is firm deobandi. In the situation, should I consider this proposal or not? If I refuse it would I be sinful because there is no big issue in the proposal apart from that. Please guide me properly so that it would help further.

Marital issues

Q: Is it wrong to be angry at my husband? It has been nearly two years of marriage. We have a 9month old daughter. I'm 24 and he's 36.Whenever a problem arises between us, I'm always the one to ask for forgiveness just so we can move on. I heard it is not advisable to sleep over such problems because it escalates so I try to talk to him before going to bed. What hurts is that whenever I go to beg him, he doesn't pay attention.  He's either on his phone or facing the opposite direction. When I was pregnant,  due to so much stress, I would become moody at times but it didn't mean that I would disrespect him, a particular night I was cooking and I became moody so he came back from work.the way i acted wasn't the normal way so he got angry . I then realized I had to beg him and so I went to him knelt down and asked for forgiveness but he didn't even acknowledge me. I was in that position for long because I wanted him to say it's ok, but he never did to the extent my food grew cold.then he looked at me and said I should stop behaving like a manafik...hypocrite. wallahi, it felt like I was stabbed deep in my heart. .I cried in the kitchen.the next day I went to talk to him and I couldn't control the tears...I really didn't want to cry but then my husband started imitating the my face as I cried. Then, it dawned on me that it wòuld be of no use. So I made up my mind never to cry in his presence again. This happened last year.  Now we have another misunderstanding and he's mostly at fault . I had pains on my legs and send and he told me to carry out child and i said pls just leave her there he got angry and yelled at me if I was high on something.  I said what do I mean high on something. And that was it. It's been two days and we haven't really spoken to each other. I cook, clean and do everthing as usual except eat and joke with him. I'm really angry with him beacause I went to talk to him so we could move on that same night but I literally had to beg him to even listen , he had his back to me the whole time.  It felt like I was talking to a wall or myself. i said pls turn and face me so we could really communicate,  He said is it not ears  He uses to HEAR? I then talked to him and how I felt and I wanted him to say something but as usual I was ignored so I got upset left to the living room.  My baby started crying; he just took her and dumped her where I was and went back to sleep. I'm just tired of his behaviour,  I believe I deserve a better treatment.  So I decided I won't talk to him until he is ready to apologise. He always says im a small girl, he treats me like I'm dumb and foolish just because I'm patient, hardly allows me to see my relatives except his own, holds my credit card,yells at me, says I should never complain of tiredness.He's never helped me with our baby at night only during the day,wen she cried he hisses and sends me to another ròom, so when I complain of tiredness,  He said from today don't ever say you are tired. Is it because I'm too quiet? I know he has rights over me but I do too and I deseve better. How do I get him to even listen to me? I need a shoulder to cry on at times, am I asking for too much? He complains that I don't know How to beautify my self but wenever I take my time to do so he never compliments me, I yearn for things like that but I never get it.He said I can't get everything. He has his good sides but I feel this is important because it's really weighing on me and may cause me to start treating him differently. How do I change him? Please advise me.

Halaala

Q: My situation is a bit confusing and embarrassing.

I married a man who I dearly love and who loves me. However during our marriage we fought quite a bit, I think it was because we were rececenlty married and because I came from a family of all girls with no father in my life and he came from a family of all boys. I think marriage was a shock. Deen was a big factor in our lives alhamdulillah. Unfortunately my husband divorced me 3 times. After the third time and our separation he regretted it unbearably. I missed him very much and realised all the silly things I had done and got angry about during our marriage. 

I then did halala, I know it's immoral hence embarrassed telling you. I didn't tell my husband or anyone else no one knows until this day. When I married I did not mention anything about halala at the time of the nikah and even before hardly except that the man knew I missed my husband and just wanted to back home to him. I can't remember I I mentioned that I might want divorce, but if I did it was definitely not at the time of nikah. This man never told me he was marrying me to give me back though, deep down I knew. I feel that this part of the nikah was valid. My concern is with the fact that he didn't match me in kuf and I had no wali present. I am a covered girl and my family quit pious and this man seemed religious however I found out he goes to mixed wedding etc, he is Lebanese so I assume there isn't much segregation between cousins and inlaws. There were two witnesses and a man that I chose to be my wakeel at the nikah. There was ijaab and qubool.

(Question 1) Was this valid even though he didn't match me in kuf? I asked one scholar here who said it's valid even without kuf, then I got paranoid and wanted confirmation so I asked another and he said it is invalid. I  am so confused because if it is invalid then my current nikah with my husband is also invalid. 

After my Iddah I am now back with my first husband and we are soo happy and getting along very well MashaAllah. I honestly feel like I have married another man when it comes to understanding and caring etc and I feel like I have changed too in a good way. I am also now preganant. 

My question is, (question 2) why has Allah blessed me and continued to bless me after such an immoral act I have done? It keeps me from doing extra amaal because I feel like I have deceived Islam too and am living in a haram way but Allah has blessed me and husband with happiness , (question 3) should I feel guilty about the halala for ever? Or should I let go? (Question 4) should I leave my husband because I did halala to get with him? I'm so confused and feel horrible for my bad deeds (question 5) do I still get reward for serving my husband etc even though unmarried him by doing halala?

Unable to satisfy one's wife

Q: I am lecturer in physics at a govt college. In 2007 I got married and yet I remained unable to have intercourse. I have a problem of erection and discharging early. At the first night my wife was not willing to have intercourse then on her will I did not have intercourse. For many days we do oral and upper sex with each other but my wife was not willing to do intercourse and I also left it. But after 3 months we tried for intercourse but my wife got frightened and I also did not get a full erection to insert inside and discharge before inserting. This thing is going on for the next 5 months and I remained unable to do intercourse. Then I decided to take medicine and have different treatments but got no success and remained unable to insert and to get full erection and discharge early. I asked my wife to take a divorce from me as I am not able to fulfill her sex requirements but she said that she want to live with me and have treatment done. I make many attempts to do intercourse but remained unable and also take different medicines. Before marriage I never know that I have that problem otherwise I will never get marriage. Now I am in deep depression as I feel that I destroyed the life of my wife and I am committing the sin and she is not willing to take divorce but she got frustrated when I remained unable to do intercourse. Now 10 years are passed and if she now takes divorce where she will go?

Kindly help me and tell me that is my nikkah or marriage is valid?

Secondly what is the ruling of Islam for couple like us, what we should do? We are in deep trouble and depressed. My wife want to live with me and want to do intercourse with me and she has emotional attachment with me. Is it possible that I can be able to do intercourse and be able to satisfy me wife? I am in deep trouble, kindly help me to overcome this problem. 

Husband not being intimate

Q: I am very concerned about my marriage and I need help. I have been married for 5 months now and my husband has not consummated our marriage. Although, he is intimate in other ways and treats me well. I am very disturbed and embarassed to talk to him about the issue. I wanted to know how should I deal with it.