Hurtmat-e-musaahara

Q: I would like to know for hurtmat-e-musaahara to take place for a male he must have an erection, so how does a female know if she committed hurmat-e-musaahara? Also if a person has no desire for there father in-law at all, they just know the rule of hurmat-e-musaahara and due to waswasaa when shaking his hands thinks "I dont want to touch his hands, now I am touching his hand lustfully" and they have a funny feeling. So they don't really know if they actually touched it lustfully or not But they really don't want to touch his hand. They just shaking it because the father in-law gives out his hand to shake. What is the ruling on this? And how can they control this?

Divorce certificate

Q: I have been divorced and got the English certificate and  the Islamic divorce certificate will be coming soon this week. I have known that I have to complete my iddah. I have been separated from my ex husband from april 2015 and applied my divorce on the June 2016. I have not seen him or slept with him. I want to say that do I still need to complete the iddah for three months or do I not have to when receiving the certificate. Can you please reply me. I am kind of confused. Because I have not been with him for more than a year.