Waswasahs and stray thoughts
Q: For as far as I can remember I can't think clearly, there is a lot of weard and bad thoughts in my head. I often have the feeling that it has no benefit for me to live anymore, and also that I have no Imaan. I do know that I have an Imaan because I was born as a Muslim Alhamdulillah, but I am not feeling it if you know what I mean. For example, if my mother says to me ''Go and listen to Naat Sharief'', then a voice inside me tells me why are you going to listen Naat Sharief. It has no benefit (Astaghfirullah) and who is Rasulullah (Astaghfirullah). So I have a lot of bad thoughts inside me which is very difficult for me to get rid of completely. That's what I mean by I can't think clearly because I don't have these bad thoughts only in Islam, but everyday, everytime about everything. You can also say that I can't be myself and I never was myself, because I can't feel myself due to these thoughts. I myself think that this is Waswaas from shaitaan, but I am not sure. I have this problem my whole life until today. I often get suicidal thoughts. Please help me. I want to benefit from my life and especially from this month Holy Ramadhaan.