Q: Is it wrong to be angry at my husband? It has been nearly two years of marriage. We have a 9month old daughter. I'm 24 and he's 36.Whenever a problem arises between us, I'm always the one to ask for forgiveness just so we can move on. I heard it is not advisable to sleep over such problems because it escalates so I try to talk to him before going to bed. What hurts is that whenever I go to beg him, he doesn't pay attention. He's either on his phone or facing the opposite direction. When I was pregnant, due to so much stress, I would become moody at times but it didn't mean that I would disrespect him, a particular night I was cooking and I became moody so he came back from work.the way i acted wasn't the normal way so he got angry . I then realized I had to beg him and so I went to him knelt down and asked for forgiveness but he didn't even acknowledge me. I was in that position for long because I wanted him to say it's ok, but he never did to the extent my food grew cold.then he looked at me and said I should stop behaving like a manafik...hypocrite. wallahi, it felt like I was stabbed deep in my heart. .I cried in the kitchen.the next day I went to talk to him and I couldn't control the tears...I really didn't want to cry but then my husband started imitating the my face as I cried. Then, it dawned on me that it wòuld be of no use. So I made up my mind never to cry in his presence again. This happened last year. Now we have another misunderstanding and he's mostly at fault . I had pains on my legs and send and he told me to carry out child and i said pls just leave her there he got angry and yelled at me if I was high on something. I said what do I mean high on something. And that was it. It's been two days and we haven't really spoken to each other. I cook, clean and do everthing as usual except eat and joke with him. I'm really angry with him beacause I went to talk to him so we could move on that same night but I literally had to beg him to even listen , he had his back to me the whole time. It felt like I was talking to a wall or myself. i said pls turn and face me so we could really communicate, He said is it not ears He uses to HEAR? I then talked to him and how I felt and I wanted him to say something but as usual I was ignored so I got upset left to the living room. My baby started crying; he just took her and dumped her where I was and went back to sleep. I'm just tired of his behaviour, I believe I deserve a better treatment. So I decided I won't talk to him until he is ready to apologise. He always says im a small girl, he treats me like I'm dumb and foolish just because I'm patient, hardly allows me to see my relatives except his own, holds my credit card,yells at me, says I should never complain of tiredness.He's never helped me with our baby at night only during the day,wen she cried he hisses and sends me to another ròom, so when I complain of tiredness, He said from today don't ever say you are tired. Is it because I'm too quiet? I know he has rights over me but I do too and I deseve better. How do I get him to even listen to me? I need a shoulder to cry on at times, am I asking for too much? He complains that I don't know How to beautify my self but wenever I take my time to do so he never compliments me, I yearn for things like that but I never get it.He said I can't get everything. He has his good sides but I feel this is important because it's really weighing on me and may cause me to start treating him differently. How do I change him? Please advise me.
A: Just be your normal self. Don't be spiteful. Trust in Allah Ta`ala and may Allah Ta`ala turn his heart with love and appreciation towards you.
And Allah Ta'ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
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