Advice

Obeying one's parents

Q: I am 18 years old. Till today I don't have knowledge of shariat and what are kabeera and sageera gunah. I came to know a little about this 5 month ago when some of tablighi jamaat members contacted me and taught me about I slam and sunnat and now I offer prayers also. My family is far from shariat and sunnat. Although all of us pray 5 times a day and also recite holy quraan but none of us acts on sunnat and  we are not aware of what life our prophet (Sallalalahu Alayhi Wasallam) led and which a'maal will lead us to jahannum and which to jaanat and even if we are aware of it we don't practice it in our life. I try to lead an Islamic life and also had grown a sunnat beard and also wear topee and avoid jeans and tight and fashionable dress but my family says that you have much life to practice these things. But for now just concentrate on your studies. Recently I got selected in mbbs entrance exam but I am not happy with my life because I want to devote my whole life to Islam so that I can practice Islam myself and also spread it to others. The problem is that my parents and whole family is against It. They don't want me to leave worldly studies and go for Islamic studies but if I did not get islamic studies and complete my goal then I am afraid of getting stressed and mad. Kindly guide me as soon as possible.

Waswasahs and stray thoughts

Q: For as far as I can remember I can't think clearly, there is a lot of weard and bad thoughts in my head. I often have the feeling that it has no benefit for me to live anymore, and also that I have no Imaan. I do know that I have an Imaan because I was born as a Muslim Alhamdulillah, but I am not feeling it if you know what I mean. For example, if my mother says to me ''Go and listen to Naat Sharief'', then a voice inside me tells me why are you going to listen Naat Sharief. It has no benefit (Astaghfirullah) and who is Rasulullah (Astaghfirullah). So I have a lot of bad thoughts inside me which is very difficult for me to get rid of completely. That's what I mean by I can't think clearly because I don't have these bad thoughts only in Islam, but everyday, everytime about everything. You can also say that I can't be myself and I never was myself, because I can't feel myself due to these thoughts. I myself think that this is Waswaas from shaitaan, but I am not sure. I have this problem my whole life until today. I often get suicidal thoughts. Please help me. I want to benefit from my life and especially from this month Holy Ramadhaan.