Advice

Q: I have been married for the past 3 years and have recently started having problems with my husband. After we got married, my husband relocated from another country to where we live now. He had difficulties getting a job and so I have been the sole provider for our home since I did have a job. I am typically a very quiet person and social situations make me anxious.

During this time my husband started complaining that I do not keep in touch with his side of the family as much as he wants me to, however I am very respectful towards them and whenever I get time off work, I try to visit them. Whenever they visit our house, I make sure that they feel very comfortable, ensuring that I prepare all their food and serve them, even though I work full time, and make sure they lack nothing.

During this time when he was still without a job, he worked so hard to make sure he completed a house for his mother, with contributions from his siblings. 6 months ago, my husband found a job Alhamdullilah, though in a different city from where I work and stay. I supported him and made sure that he was able to find a decent place to live and even assisted him with all the rent deposits etc. The work has been beneficial to him Masha Allah but the problem is that he has never once provided for us. I have continued providing for myself and our child. Whenever I ask him why he is not supporting us, he says that there are many things that he needs to sort out first. His first priority after getting his salary was to buy a car, which he said was very important for his work.

Whenever he visits us during the weekend, which is only 2 days, he goes to his mothers’ place for a day, which has led to a few uncomfortable conversations, with me asking him to stay with us and him saying I do not like his family and that is why I do not want him to visit them.

A few months ago, the house I currently live in started getting repairs done and we have been exposed to much construction related dust. I have been worried about this exposure for our toddler, so I told him about it and asked if we could find another house to move to. He suggested a few places that are far from where I leave our baby during the day and an area that is not safe for us. I discussed with him several times but he seemed not to want to change his mind. I was finally able to find a place near my work place and day care for the baby, Alhamdullilah, but he said that he hated the place. All this time we continue getting exposed to dust and the baby has gotten sick a few times. I finally told him that we have to move to the place I found temporarily, so that we can get away from all the construction, as we look for other options. Being impatient and worried for the health of my child and myself, I have gone to this new house and paid for everything so that we can move in, but he has not helped with any costs at all.

Now he is angry at me saying that I do not respect him, just because I have money. I do not know what to do. I am sad and I just found out that I am pregnant again.

My question to you is whether I have disrespected my husband by moving to a place that is safer for me and the baby? What am I supposed to do as I have tried to talk to him and he still does not understand? Is it right for a husband not to provide for his family, even if the wife is working? Am I supposed to be in constant contact with his family despite working full time both at work and at home? What should I do now? 

Q: I had an issue with my wife a month ago and I need your assistance. She was hitting on the nanny and I asked her to stop the first time and a second time to no response. I got really angry and shouted on top of my voice for her to stop. This is the sequence of what happened afterwards:

1. She hissed at me in the presence of the kids

2. She said that I slapped her to everyone that needed to know

3. A week later she refused to give me dinner 4 her sisters and mother told her what she did was bad and to apologize she never heeded to the advice

4. She told her mother that I didn't leave money for food in the house since I left 10 days ago (which wasn't true)

5. Before I left the house I told her sister that she can leave to marry elsewhere if she's interested because I can't deal with these issues (a cleric in Nigeria suggests that was a divorce)

6. I can't find my way around her anymore because im really hurt by her behaviour

7. Her mother is now negatively interfering in the matter and is making things worse. She even said I was irresponsible and Allah will purnish me. 

Q: I am married to my cousin for about 7 months now. It was an arranged marriage. After Nikah he showed his true colors. And since then I'm being emotionally and mentally abused by him. He also disagrees in sending me allowance (which is my right since I'm his responsibility). I want to take khula from him but I'm afraid that my relations with my relatives will be disrupted and they won't let me or my parents live in peace. What can I do?

Q: When I was ignorant about Islam I fell in love with a girl. When I went on the path of Islam I realised my mistake and eventually told her that this is haram. She didnt understand so I left her and made dua to Allah in every prayer to give her hidayat just like He showed me the path, nothing more. Allah miraculously changed her heart in a month and made her curious about Islam. She finally asked one day to know more about Islam on the phone. I sent her Islamic books to read. She became a good Muslim in a short time. She never misses any farz and also gives time with fellow Muslim women in reading hadith to them. I promised her to do nikah with her after asking my parents. But my parents are against it. They are too much depressed in losing dignity in society. My mother even cries for my choice. I told them I would never do nikah without their permission ever in life. But I am emotionally helpless, what should I do? 

Q: I have social anxiety that has been growing since the past year ever since I moved to this new country as a student. The nature of my research-based program also "allows" me to work just by myself without having to go through daily social interactions, and besides I've never really felt comfortable hanging around with my colleagues. I wonder if it's sinful to do such social isolation, because I actually always feel guilty since I feel like I contribute to nothing to people's lives and my presence has no meanings in their lives (in which I always try to make up by doing more charities). I've always wanted to change but it's just so difficult to connect with anybody in this place, and right now I just look forward to finish my study and go back home soon to recover my "normal" life that I had in the past. How sinful it is and how can I make up for such bad habit in a way that doesn't make me uncomfortable all the time just like when I'm being surrounded by people?

Q: My husband is one of your fans. He used to listen to your speeches but he is not loving me. We married in July 2017 then almost 7 months passed. I was pregnant then. But I got a misscarriage. Now my husband is abroad. So I'm living with my parents. My mother in law and sisters in laws are always making problems between me and my husband. So many times my husband told he is gonna divorce me. I don't know what to do. My sisters in laws are messing up everything. They don't like to see me and my husbands happiness. Because of that they are telling lies about me to my husband. Then he also trusting them and hurting me. What can I do?

Q: I have a friend who is passing a very hard time in her marriage. She got married by force of her family to a person who does not give her respect she deserves. I know in Islam, a wife should fulfil every need of her husband. But if the husband is not respecting his wife, he is using her only for his pleasure. My friend cries everyday because of physical and mental torture she bears by her husband. She has not yet started feeling love for her husband and when she asked him not to touch her now, he insists, then he forces her to have sexual relations with him.

My friend is going into deep depression day by day, and she can't even talk to anyone about it. She asked me if I know any dua that can prevent her husband to touch his wife. I said to her, in my belief there is no such dua that exists. But I feel feel sad for her thats why I am contacting a mufti to help me with a solution so that I can give her some relief.

Q: The problem I am facing is related to my love life. Is it going to get better? Is there any dua I can make or anything because currently I am going through this issue. It is affecting my present and future. Please let me know.

Q: I asked my husband in our prospective meeting if we were going to live separately and he replied in the affirmative. At the time of Nikaah he told me we'll have to live together for 2 years so I can save. I reluctantly agreed. However in the first few months when problems started arising I asked him to move out and he kept assuring me that we will soon move out and things will get better.

Today it's over 3 years and we still haven't moved out. I cannot adjust to my mother in laws lifestyle at all. There's no timetable and she does everything at her own time and according to her comfortability. Also my Sister in laws keep coming many times during the week, on weekends and holidays. I don't seem to have my own space too. I'm entitled to one en suite bathroom and the room barely has any space. My son doesn't sleep in a cot as there's isn't enough room for one. He therefore sleeps with us in the bed. I'm having severe backache because I'm less mobile the whole night due to the tight space. Many a times my husband has to go to sleep in another room because of my back pain.

Last year when I asked him to move out he asked me to live together for two more years to which I clearly declined. (I don't know if I'm sinful about this) But now I feel I just can't cope with all this. My son is nearly two and he's still sleeping with me. I feel really frustrated and at times feel like terminating my marriage because I feel nothing is being done in support for me.

There's many issues too which I feel will get better if we move out. I've never been settled from day one and I feel I need to settle down for the betterment of our marriage. The fact that he keeps reassuring me that we're moving out and nothing is getting done physically really frustrates me and this causes me to have frequent arguments with him.

Q: I have a scary problem. This is how my story begins. Since I was young, I prayed as how my mum asked me to and obeyed her. If I asked Allah for anything then He granted it to me, Alhamdullilah. Since I reached the age of 15 my life changed. I started missing some salat and now I am 18 and in this stupid situation. I want to change and I don't know what's stopping me from becoming a better Muslim. I cry almost every day. I dream some times and see the grave and the hereafter. Sometimes I see in my dream that I entered Jannah. I want to change. Will Allah accept my repentance? I really need help from you ustaadh. I want to memorize the Quran but I can't do anything since I am in school and am not successful. My problem is if I die, will I enter hell?