Advice

Q: I’m from Pakistan. I got married last year with my cousins daughter who’s living in UK. From the time of engagement till wedding her family tried hard to manipulate me and my family over different family rules and culture. We did it what they wanted. But after marriage their demands became very high, but I didn’t said anything to them. Her family involvement became a irritating part for my and parents life. However, after 6 months of marriage they called me in UK on spouse visa, I bore every expected except near by myself but in sponsor letter my wife wrote that she has borne all expenses and will support me while my stay in UK, I ignored this as well just to keep peace in my relationship. On 20th June of this year I reached UK. It was very unexpected for me to bear my in laws and my wife reaction when I arrived there. They were very proud that they have called me in UK and due to them I am there. After all the confusion created in my head they suddenly tried to cut of my communication with my parents and relatives in Pakistan. My wife also took my passport and other documents from me and the money I brought there from Pakistan. According to my senses she was doing all of this on her parents command but I didn’t accused her for this just for the sake of our relationship. Their behaviour was getting worst day by day. I started working there in an organisation, at that point my wife and her family pressurised me to open a joint account with my wife, there were a lot arguments between us on this issue but at the end I decided to compromise just for the sake of my relationship. Then they tried to cut off my contact with my parents, I didn’t bothered about these issue as I thought these are common issues in every relationship. But our arguments getting worst and worst, her parents and family were supporting her continually. They also blamed me and my parents for every issue. That’s the point I decided to stand up against them to stop verbal abuse against my mother and father. Her parents played a very negative role in these issues but nothing can be done to stop them, I was alone fighting against 10 of them. At the very end of our journey in UK her father abused my mother, father, brother, Bhabi, and me as well. And then I decided to tell everything to my parents to resolve these issues but there was nothing that can be resolved , her parents were not compromising over anything, in their perspective they wanted my to follow them no matter what. As a Muslim I can’t do that, simply. After days, They started to torture me mentally and most of the days they left me home without food, they also see my phone to ensure that I’m not taking to my parents. My wife installed a voice recording device in house to record my voice when I’m irritated and angry. On 24th of November my wife and my father in law decided to take me back in Pakistan to resolve the issues with my father. They took me here in their possessions and dropped me in front of my house and drove away without talking to me or my parents, after one day my father in law called my father to come at their place to talk about issues, i stoped my father to go there because of their behaviour. My father in law was threatening me and my family that he will destroy us, he has told his bouncers they are waiting for his command, this was happening since I was in UK, only for this reason I stopped my father to go there and invite them here or elsewhere. Now they have left me here in Pakistan and both of them my wife and father in law have gone back to UK without resolving anything. My passport and other documents are in their possession. My money whhich almost 10 lakh is in their possession. And now they want to get divorce, which I can’t. I love her and I want to spend my life with her. It’s my loyalty and honesty and the fear of Allah that I’m still want to spend my life with her. My question for you: is there any possibility or something I can do to save my relationship. My mind is blocked and i can’t decide what should I do. Can you please guid me, in this issue. Thank you

Q: I am copying my first wifes letter to you in her own words. No matter how much one sided it seems. I will not defend myself or correct any of her claims. She insists on divorce due to my second marriage. Here is her question to you in her own words. Please guide her.

Assalam wa alaikum. I need guidance from you for the most crucial point of my life. Please guide me in the light of Quran and sunnah. I belonged to a white collared family. My husband saw me and insisted with my family and his family and married me. After a few months of marriage i felt he had no interest in me. He never showed his love to me and spent his time in watching television and computer.he ignored me abd came late to the bedroom.on my asking he became angry.i lived with his parents and his two sisters. Because my status was low i had to tolerate many injustice and unfairness . I could not tell my parents and siblings . whoever did injustice with me, it was never solved and instead ignored. Then i demanded from my husband that people from both families should sit and solve it. But he did not agree. Then i asked divorce from him. During this i had a son and two daughters. I regular tolf him that you are doing injustice and according to sharia its wrong. But in vain. After 17 years of marriage my husband secretly married a woman abroad. But it opened up. I have protected this mans home honor and honored his parents and served them. I love my children and try to do my duties to them. He did not do his responsibilities and declined me his love. How can this man do equality between two wives who doesn't know right from wrong.i don't see any way of resolve and i feel i have been grossly misused. I want to use the right sharia gave me. I want to go far away from this man who didn't give me even the smallest of happiness. Sura baqra ayat 235. Surah nissa ayat 2. 127-132. Says clearly that equality cannot be done. Please guide me. My husband himself told me about you. Im sending this letter through him. I have no peace whatsoever. Please guide me and pray for me.

This is the whole letter from my first wife. I would be very thankful if you give a concise reply in urdu, because she cannot understand English well. Thank you.