Advice

Q: I am woman who was recently in an arranged marriage. My husbands side did not allow me to talk to my husband before the wedding, I only had a 10 min conversation with him. I raised concerns over my husband not talking much before the wedding and my parents chose to ignore this. A few days in to the marriage I discovered that my husband suffers from a mental health condition called schizophrenia. I was very upset that this was hidden from me and also my family. This explained a lot of initial difficulties that I was having with him, although I started to care for him a lot. I was worried that he may have another manic episode which will make life very difficult for our marriage. He is currently on medication everyday for this. I have decided to end our marriage because of all his symptoms and my worry for this getting worse in the future. I was with him for a few weeks and the marriage was not consummated because we were getting to know each other. I have since come home and prayed istikhara to see if I should go back to my husband. I have seen that I was being attacked by a wasp, the house was on fire and also that there were a lot of scary people and creatures waiting outiside to attack me and family. I don't know what these dreams mean. I have decided not to go back to my husband. However I find that at times my heart longs for him and that my heart longs to be with him and share my moments with him. I'm finding it difficult to think of marrying other men. I am so confused and a mess. I know that I cared for him a lot but I worry about the difficulty his condition will have on our future as it is something no one told me about. A lot of people ask me to go back and give it a try but I cannot make his condition better, the issues for the future will still be there and I don't want to consummate the marriage if we may end it again. Please give me your thoughts, am I in the wrong for wanting to leave? Will these feelings for care and love go away? I started to feel like his career and became overprotective of him and his condition.

Q: I am a Muslim woman. My husband is a Muslim and drinks alcohol and I asked him to stop and he said no what do I do?

Q: The issue I have is with my parents. When I was 14,a friend of mine visited me and she used to talk to guys. As I was a kid, and insensible, I started doing that too. After a month, she left but this became my habit. My parents caught me with this and got very mad. They even rose their hand at me,to make me understand. But as it became a habit, I could not get off it. I then came back to Pakistan, and still had this habit in me. I went onto anonymous chat sites to talk to guys and yet, once again my mother caught me. She rose her hand again and she gave me a bad dua that I will suffer the way she is because of me. I will keep an eye on my kids when I will have them. My husband won't trust me ever. He will keep an eye on me, On my each move. I won't be able to sleep peacefully because I will always be scared of what my kids are doing. She said this to me on the first mistake too. Then, when I was 16 and 17, I got emotionally attached with two guys. One when I was 16 was my cousin. We were serious about each other but our families couldn't bond. My mother said that I wont be able to fit in their family style and secondly the guy, himself used to talk everything about us to another girl, who was interested in him previously and still was. So I stepped back. At the age of 17, I got interested in a guy from my school. He liked me too. And we used to talk. One night, when he was calling, the phone vibrated and my father came back from. His work. As the phone was on charge, my father took it in hand and I was once again in trouble. My mother gave me the same bad duas again. And everything happened as before. And now, am 19. I love a guy who I've met through the girl who I told you about. I am very serious about him and want to marry him. He is 9 years older than me and due to his age, his family is asking him to get married. He has refused many proposals because of me. He stated his love for me when I was 18, so I asked him to wait one year so that I can turn 19. As many Nikah's in my family have been done at the age of 19 of girls. He agreed and waited a year for me. Now when I talk to my mother and I speak the truth of how I met him ((through the girl), she says she does not trust me. I am lying. As I have been into this dirt ever since I was a kid. I am not loyal anymore. I am just a liar, who can never speak truth. But my Allah knows, how honest I am regarding this. And how loyal, and serious I am. Before this, I was caught with a phone (not given by my parents), which I used to talk to him. At that time, my father gave me a choice to either leave him once and forever or to leave the house. He also said that if this kind of thing happens again, he will kill both, I and him. I talked to my mother regarding this man yesterday, and she gave me the same bad duas. I am seeking forgiveness from Allah ever since I gained consciousness. I have made uncountable duas for him and I getting together. And getting into Nikah asap. We have waited, had patience. And during all this time, I was in contact with him beside saying I wont as I couldn't keep myself away from him. Please help me. Tell me what is right and what is wrong. I am very sincere and loyal and honest to have to keep this relationship and turn it into Nikah asap. Please help me, how do I make my parents believe me? And my main concern : will my mother's bad dua become true in the future? Are mother's negative duas qabool'ed by Allah? I am very restless. Please help me. I want to get out of that dirt which I still am in somewhere. I want to make myself pious and righteous. I want to get into Nikah asap with the respect, love of my parents and his parents. My mother also said that when I will be married, my father and mother, both will be very thankful that finally, I left. And they won't want to keep any contact with me. They don't want my younger sister to get in the wrong path as I have. And they don't want my bad resemblances on her. Please help me. I am repenting from Allah since forever, I have begged him, cried in front of him. He knows am pure at heart and that I really want to marry this man rightfully. Please, guide me to the right path.

Q: I am married for 15 years with 3 kids. My husband takes care of us financially but he has been cheating on me. He drinks and stays with other women and abuses me physically and mentally. He does not want to divorce but wants me gone with kids. But otherwise he is very nice to everyone else, he helps people, donates for mosques, does charity. Does this make him a good person? What do I do? Please help me do the right thing. I have been tolerating him for the sake of my kids but i m distraugt inside.

Q: I prayed for marriage with a girl and I thought that prayer is accepted. I said no to her afterwards but I don't understand how can I know that my dua is accepted.

Q: I have been going through a rough time in marriage (domestic abuse) from in laws and i didnt want to leave the house but had no choice but to do so as I was expecting and they had beated me while I was expecting. It's been 7 months, my husband has not seen our baby because he is saying I have taken his happiness away from me and my husbamd are good I love him a lot bit he just cant support me. I got istikhara done by someone and it came out as surah rehman ...could you tell me what this means also could you do dua for me that me and inkaws hublsband work it out as i dont want to leave him.....also could you tell me a piwerful dua to read as i want him to come to me ....and everything gets sorted out.

Q: My mother wants to leave her husband's house and stay in a rental house, because she is fed up with hardship and hard luck though they (mum and dad) are hardworking, investing and striving, yet still no change.

My grandfather married four wives, but it is just the three family's that are living in the same place (compound). My grandfather had passed away. My father is the eldest son of the three family's, he wants to share the compound (land) into four (four wives) because the last last wife's children are claiming authority over the place and are not in favour of the share though the other parties have agreed to the share.

The compound is so dirty, meaning the black magic, witch, sorcerer's work, nuts had been buried in the compound from all the three parties. There is now hatred, envy, bad heart and fighting especially between my father and the last wife's family. Due to all this and more, for 21 years now.

Let me outline my mother's point for her leaving the house.

- recently, her son (my younger brother) passed away. An old woman (a neighbour) had told her that she (old woman) dreamt her (my mother's) dead son saying she should leave the house. I have two brothers, but it is now me and my youngest brother

- Lack of happiness, love, comfort in the compound and even from her husband

- jealousy and evil eye

- her dreams are mix up and frightening

- because of the fighting from the last wife's party.

- No respect for her husband (the eldest son) and it seems black magic is used on him for no prosperity, no growth...

- the compound is not comfortable, it is filthy, demoted, rats every where and the house had wearied out

- And the mother (my grandmother) of her husband had once told her that if her son (my dad) is continuing to stay there, he will not prosper. My mum has been persuading dad to find somewhere for them to stay while he is processing the sharing of the place. But my dad is firm in not leaving his father's house because it is an expense under rental, but my mother's elder sister (staying in America) will pay the rent for a year and perhaps the following years. My dad said he didn't see anything that should make her leave because he provides the basic needs, shelter (worn out zinc house).

- Mum wants her and dad to transfer to the rented house by the end of the month but because mum's sister is paying the rent is another reason for him not to leave. My mum want to take my youngest brother (9 years old) with her but dad refute this, and said she can go, with the two girls (another elder sister's daughters, she is dead now) she is taking care of.

We are Muslims with little Islamic knowledge. The rented house can be another home for him where he can drive to, (own a mini van), rest, spend the night(s) if he doesn't want to leave his father's house. To me if she continue to stay there she will become sick because with all her thoughts about the evil eye, malice, envy, backbiting, abusing and insulting noisily, no respect from the children, no control, no regards for her husband (as the eldest son). The compound is physically, morally, emotionally and spiritually abnormal/unclean/unfit. She has made up her mind and psychologically it will affect her negatively if she continue to stay with him. My dad did not want to repair or develop his apartment because the compound is about to be shared/divided, then he can develop a structure on his own part. Does she has the right in Islam to leave though my father had permitted her but he is angry? 

Q: I have a queestion regarding the responsibility of my wife towards her father.

Her father remarried after my wifes mother passed away, while my wife was almost 15. His second wife (my wifes step mother) told her father to choose her or his daughter. So her father chose his second wife. And my wife left her fathers house and went to live with her aunt. Since the age of 15 till the age of almost 30. Her father did not contact her, and my wife managed on her own doing jobs and got her education from the university.

When her father got sick then he sought her out again and has been taking money from her since then. From the age of 15 till now her father has not supported her in any way. She had been supporting her father her ex husband and her three children single handedly. Since she is now married to me, i also send monthly money and she still does job.

Her father sold the family house, which was built jointly by my wifes mother and him But her father knowing her condition still did not care about it, and did not give her anything. Instead he bought a house in another city. which is far. He has been giving away the money which he takes from her regularly. I cannot state all the condition here because it will get long.

In short, her father is not shortage of money which he has. But instead of giving her, he just gives it away and also demands money from her and gives that away too. He is now demanding her to come to his city every month, knowing very well, she had children to take care off. He also demands from her to take divorce from me, because i work abroad.

I would like to emphasize his permission as wali was taken before marriage and he knew i would work abroad. I would like to ask can i forbid my wife not to give him any money and not to go to his city. Because my wife also acknowledges he has money. Her father has family in that city plus his wife.

Q: I bear witness in the court of Allah that everything in this email is the truth not fabricated and not exaggerated.

My husband and i have had a very stormy marriage from the beggining . He suffers from OCD. And atm his refusing to get help for it which is making my life unbearable. Recently he raised his hand very severely on my son .(because of his frustration . My son is 2 ) Wallahi i was about to lay a charge against him the only thing held me back was that my daughter is very attached to her father & that he would taint the reputation of my father in law.

This man smokes in the house . Does not pray salah . NEVER MAKES IT FOR JUMMAH NEVER!!! stays up till the odd hours of the morning watching t.v. swears infront my kids . And the list can go on. Furthermore i am not allowed to tell anyone of his family members that he does not go for jummah. The last time i called his father so we could help him together he gave me a 2nd talaaq and he told my father to take me and f off from his home .

He told me he will use every cent of his to fight me in court and get full custody of the kids .He obviously thinks because his wealthy he can do anything . May Allah open his eyes to reality . He Forgets Allah is above all. And his situation can turn very quickly .

I begged him and time & again to stop swearing read salah .i would say that Allah is watching u stop . Remember the azaab in the qabr . U bringing up your children with rotten habbits .. everything went to deaf ears. Yes i have weaknesses & yes i have my own faults but they are little which he only notices because of his ocd .

I begged him to write me a list and tell me what am i doing wrong . Where can i improve . He gave me a list via the marriage counsellor and i swear By Allah that i have tried to stop doing anything that annoys him . But now im left with a little problem. Now that i stopped doing things he doesnt like . I have to play happy couple infront of his family so nobody suspects anything and nobodys asks questions . All the issues are swept under the carpet .

Its funny how people forget they have daughters to and that one day they going to get married إن شاء الله . Let us act how we would if this would be happening to one of our own daughters . May Allah swt forbid this ever happening to anyone of them as i truly love them as my own family and they are far to kind and caring. He is one rotten egg in the entire family that does not make them All bad. MAY ALLAH SAFEGUARD EACH AND EVERY CHILD.

We did a 6 months separation and the main problem was my daughter . He wanted her all the time and because his mentally unstable i didnt want her to be alone with him.i did however say and again i swear by Allah that this is the truth come whenever u want to spend time with her here(my parents home) . He got his elder brother to phone my father a few times and that really stressed my parents out . He doesnt want family involved . He doesnt want to go to a marriage counsellor and i am 2 months pregnant . I leave for my parents home today .

If mufti could please advise me the way forward . I asked a very senior learned ulema when is the most powerful time to make dua . And his words to me wer sister you are pregnant you are oppressed your duas will reach the heavens surely.

Every single time he oppressed me i forgave him and more than that i sat on the muasallah and asked my rabb to forgive him aswell . Today i pray that Allah brings justice to everyone that lied to me on his behalf and him as well .

Also i just found out my father does not want me to return home . I do not have anywer to go . My parents are well known in the community perhaps they afraid of backlash from community memebers . . Perhaps they see me and 2 children one unborn child as a burden .

Q: Its been years since I have been following you and it feels great to see the way you are serving in the way of Allah. May Allah Grant you more strength and make you flawless.

The time has come for me to seek personal guidance from you, that's the reason im here writing to you today. I'll try to get the clear picture of my story so that you can help me take my decisions. I'm 28 years old right now, I got into a relationship in June 2013 with this girl and the girl I got into relationship was already in a relationship but as she was my University mate and friend I naturally had a caring gesture towards her, she used to tell me at that time that she was not happy with that guy although she was in relationship with him for 7 years. Being aware of everything I cared for her and naturally fell in love with her and tried to help her get out of that relationship. I helped her getting out of that 7 year old relationship even I knew they were physically active for 7 years (they were frequently having sex for 7 years), but I had pure feelings for her and resisted everything for her love and I got engaged to her in Dec 2013, it was after a great struggle as her parents were aware of her previous 7 year relationship and was not willing to get her engaged that soon however we got married last year August 2016. (I'm trying to keep short as possible).

There are always ups and downs in every husband & wife relationship, I trusted her more than myself cause the gesture she showed since beginning made me trust her more, recently I clearly got to know that she again got into a relationship with this guy since June 2016 or may be earlier where she worked and is still working (we got married in August 2016) in the beginning I once noticed and told her that this guy is trying to approach you in a bad way so stay away from him but she still went on talking to this guy and they are in relationship till now, they are physically in contact since the begining (it's been almost 1.5 years) and they have spent time with each other in every possible way, they have spend time and had sex with each other before and after our marriage and my wife has expressed her feeling to this guy several times that she is not happy with me and want to leave me and they even planned how would it be done, and the guy has always supported her. I have always been noticing strange connection between my wife and this guy since months and when I used to ask her she always refused that she is not talking to him or she has no connection with him and I always trusted her and asked no further questions for the sake of respect.

Afterall I have come to know my wife has feelings for this man and at this point when last week I got to know everything she tells me that she has committed a great sin and has no feelings for him (she still has feelings for him that I know) but refuses in front of me so that I may not leave her, cause she knows the consequences she would face as we are connected to each other in so many different ways, it be family, professionally and friend circle too. (Because we were collegues at the University too).

My wife met this guy till last week and I know everything they did. I did istakhara to confirm my wife and this guy's relationship status. She has confessed in front of me getting sexually active and had intercourse with this guy and she still refuses that she has no feelings for this guy although I know she still has.

At this point i still have not left her caus I care for her and she's going mad these days because she know that I'll leave her, I can not bear this. I have doubts over my love cause she got into relationship with me leaving a 7 years old relationship telling me she was not happy and now she ended telling another guy that she is not happy with her husband (me) and wants to leave me making me think that she also had no issues with her 7 year old relationship and she only came to me on the basis of lust and desire.

Im in a very difficult position I have no clue and I have no reason left to trust her anymore I don't want to make things difficult for myself and for her anymore, I have started feeling sick since last week I have severe pain around my left chest, simple I can't bear it anymore.

Please help me getting out of this situation. I have started praying 5 times a day to seek Allah's guidance but I'm stuck with the dead mind and can't take a sensible decision. I don't want to live with her anymore i feel disrespected, betrayed and dead. Please help me over this issue, I'm unable to take decisions and need some guidance in the name of Allah.