Advice

Basis for accepting a proposal

7 years ago By user2

Q: I need help because I am in very big trouble and I'm going through a very difficult situation.

My parents have been searching for a good match for me. Since the last two years many proposals came but some were rejected. I have always dreamed of a perfect guy. I know I am wrong in this regard. I rejected many becuse I always compare people with others who are spending a perfect life. Another proposal came and my elders liked him as they are way worried of my future life. But he is not educated to my level although he is lucky to have a stable job. But he is not good looking, educated, like my previous rishtas. I don’t even know much of his family history. Just know that he is good Muslim with better character. I am constantly comparing him with prior proposals and pondering over my mistake. I am so guilty. My parents want me to marry him but i still dont. I cant say no to my parents now cause they are forcing me and worried as well. am I also afraid of Allah punishment. Plz help me out what should I do? My heart and mind is not preparing for it since i have tried a lot. 

Marital problems

7 years ago By user2

Q: I need your advice to how to continue my life further. I am the father of two children, the elder is 5 and younger is 4 and am married since 2011 (6 years) and currently, we are living abroad in UAE as an expat together.

Two weeks before me and my wife had a misunderstanding which led to a fight between us, we haven’t talked for 4 days, and even I haven’t had any food with her and after clearing the misunderstanding then we again had good days, unfortunately I have seen some chats on her mobile which lead to doubt her. Then I came to know she has been calling, chatting and even video calling her lover from her home town in India. When I asked her about this she initially didn’t agree, then I started checking all her emails, facebook, mobile, Whatsapp, chat history etc. I came to know they were having a relationship even before our marriage and they had gone together to many places in his car any had done kisses and been in a relationship. She already confessed to me that they were having a relationship and they were calling and chatting with me and my children sleep, whenever I am not at home during my work and even during her vacation in my absence.

The last conversation of my wife was calling him to come to our home at UAE while he is coming to UAE in this month from India knowing that I am going to work for few days abroad, which really put me in a depression. I never doubted my wife in my whole life that she will do such things to me. I need to say that I was not a perfect person before my marriage, I consumed alcohol (few times) and I've been in another relationship with a lady (only for few months) but after my marriage, I was a perfect husband and a perfect father to my children in our married life.

I reiterate that I never been in a wrong since I was very truthful, caring and doing all the things to fulfill my needs of my family. Now I don’t know what I have to do; she is saying that she won’t continue the relationship and won’t repeat it again. But I don’t know whether I can trust her again since she broke my trust.

Moreover, I don’t want to lose my children since they are everything to me and even I am living for them. Please give a best solution/answer following the sharia law though I can follow.

Is becoming a good person more important than performing salaah?

7 years ago By user2

Q: I have some doubts in my mind. Mostly people say offering prayers is the first thing every Muslim should do even if he is committing any sin. I have a question does Quraan really say that offering prayers is the first priority and becoming a good peson who does good deeds is secondary thing because in todays world we see many people who offer prayers but commit sin and on the contrary there are people who are good human but dont pray. So I really want to know what Allah says about this is becoming a good person more important or offering prayer. Although I know that mostly people say that through prayers one can only become a good person but what about those who perform good deeds but dont offer prayers that too often

Secret nikaah

7 years ago By user2

Q: Me and my husband are married for 2 years and I'm still living in my moms house. My husbands family doesn't know we are married. He is really affraid to tell them. He tells me they might throw him out of the house and never talk to him. But I don't feel this way, I feel they might force him to leave me. But also my husband is not that good, he's relationship with my family is really bad. Sometimes I feel it's because we are far away. We can't see each other due to his family. Even if I go see him I have to stay in a hotel without him and he goes home. I feel he is not taking me seriously. My school is not done yet and he told me that once your schooling is completed we will move out. But I guess my school will finish really late. So I dont know why he's saying all that. I just want to live with him happily and have kids. But he never talks about starting a new life. Can you please give me any wazifa to have a better married life and so my husband could take me as soon as possible.

Marital problems

7 years ago By user2

Q: I have been married for a few years. During the first year of my marriage, I suffered from a panic/anxiety attack after which I made sincere tauba and committed myself to being on the right path and not being careless about committed sins especially zina. Within the first 2 years of my marriage, I travelled and worked in 3 different countries. Me and my spouse were living in different countries for the first two years and I finally joined my spouse after 2 years. I’d like to believe that I became very religious in these two years. Things between me and my spouse were not great from the very beginning. Emotionally and physically, attraction between me and my spouse was average. Religiously we were not on the same page because my spouse is a revert. I suffered from a really bad panic attack and for months I was constantly anxious and depressed. Later that year I invited my parents to visit me, hoping that it would help me to regain my mental health but nothing changed. I was becoming more and more depressed. There was a lot of friction between my spouse and my parents and once my parents left, Allah blessed me with a child. My parents came back to visit us to help us during the time of the birth of our child, but things got worse between me and my spouse because of the presence of my parents in the house. My spouse left the house because of the toxic environment in the house and came back to the house once my parents left. From that point on, our relationship has been going down hill. We became emotionally detached and our intimate life became very very poor.

For the next couple of years my spouse left the house out of anger and frustration and demanded for divorce many many times. According to my spouse, the anger and frustration shown on her part was to bring me back closer but it actually pushed me more and more away. We became intimate hardly 5-8 times in 2 years. On multiple occasions my spouse told me to go and look for another person and demanded divorce.

Up till this point, I was able to guard myself and protect myself from the worldly temptations. I wanted to feel loved and so I joined a matrimonial website looking for a spouse. I met this person (Muslim but not religious at all) online and after almost 1 year of communication between us, we met in person. We were supposed to get married but that person, just before we were supposed to do our Nikkah, backed out. However we ended up committing zina later that day. I felt so guilt and cried over it for many nights. Our illegitimate relationship continued for many months and then we broke up. Meanwhile things with my spouse were getting worse and worse and we decided to divorce. In between I met few other people and committed zina. I felt like my heart became very hard and even though I was making all of my salahs etc , deep down I was feeling really guilt and sad because of my actions. I felt like I was being pulled away from the right path as a punishment from Allah. I started wondering why Allah would allow this when I was trying to be on the right path. I was on the right path for many years and I feel so broken that things I used to speak against myself like zina etc, I ended up committing those sins myself.

However on the day I was supposed to divorce my spouse, we both felt that we need to spend more time and seriously work towards our marriage. I realized that all these worldly temptations are temporary and I seriously need to spend time in nurturing our married life. I want to be back on the right path. I have asked Allah for forgiveness but I keep getting tempted by, if not zina than other sins. I am not physically and emotionally attracted to my spouse. We are going to try our best to make this marriage work. Please advise;

1. That how I can attain forgiveness from Allah and his love. I am scared that I will be punished twice for my sins because that’s what Allah says in the Quran. I don’t want to be punished at all.

2. How can I make sure that I am not tempted to committing zina because of lack of attraction between me and my spouse (my spouse is overweight from the very beginning and is not consistent with activities that would help to lose weight)

3. How can I be motivated about keeping my marriage safe

4. What should I do if I don’t feel attracted at all even after all the efforts are made

Subscribe to Advice