Rights of parents

Q: After marriage I realized the duty for parents and the position of amma in Islam. Before marriage and in my adolescent I was careless about giving respect to them and being obedient to them. But now I'm suffering from deep regret. I have told them sorry several times and try to make them happy as much as possible. But Now I left my home to my husband . I live in a different city from my parents. So it is too difficult to take care for them. I can only talk regularly, give them gifts sometimes. But nothing else. I have husband, mother in-law, father in-law, sister in-law and three brother in-laws. As a married girl, if I want to do my duty properly to my husband and in law's house, I can do almost nothing to my parents. But how can I get rid from this sin which have I done in my unmarried life to my parents.

Q: My mother asked me to do one thing which is halaal but my father asked me to do opposite of what my mother is telling me to do. My father's command is also halaal. Whom should I obey? My mother or my father? If I obey my mother my father will be unhappy and if I obey my father my mother will be unhappy.

Q: I understand that a woman's jannah lies with serving her husband as well as her parents/mother. Often, obedience to the mother's wishes is disobeying the husband. In cases like this who has more right over the wife? Should preference be given to the mother or to the husband?

Q: Pertaining to Huququl Walidain (Rights of Parents). Inspite of our best and sincere efforts we are unable to fulfil the rights due to our parents. Thoughts do develop in our minds and hearts whether we have missed to fulfil the obligations due yo our parents and these thoughts create a feeling of guilt and an unease feeling in our hearts which really trouble us a lot sometimes. The question is what is the reality of these thoughts and how we could still discharge the rights of our parents who have passed away?

Q: What are the ways in which we can serve and please our parents?

Q: I am a woman who is married to a beautiful person Alhamdulilah and have three children. I also have an amazing set of parents. I love them a lot and care for them. I respect them and I have succeeded in keeping them happy with my behaviour and humbleness towards them. I do this only because Allah has mentioned this over and over again about the rights of parents. I have tried my best not to disappoint them and keep asking them to forgive me if I have. My question is my parents keep talking of what belongs to my brothers amongst their properties and what belongs to me, although any sane person would say how unjust the division is. I have never said uff or raised my voice against their decision. But the thought keeps eating me from inside that although I have loved and obeyed every single word of my parents, why is it that I am being tested by not getting what Allah has given me the right to. My brothers are so disobedient and abuse my parents (at least one of them), they keep raising their voice against my parents decisions and I have selflessly always tried to make peace without thinking of any personal gain. Today, if I don't think of what is mine and what my haqq is, nobody will. I just don't know how to voice my mind to my parents only with the fear of upsetting them or maybe letting them down. They always come to me for opinions and help and I have always helped them without any ulterior motive. Just that nobody has any guarantee of time and I don't want to come to a point where I will be head on with my brothers and maybe ruin my relationship with them over my right. Please help me. I am torn, hurt and very upset.

Q: I have a very complicated question for you. Basically, my mother got divorced from my father many years ago, it was a forced marriage and was not built to last of course. Father was 40 years older than her, she was just 16 when she got married. Now she is saying I cannot speak to him, nor attend his funeral if he dies. In fact this year she has told me to completely sever all relations with him, otherwise she will disown me. I know she has been through hell and back because of him, and they did not get on well with one another, but do I have any rights, or must I be obedient and do sabr? If mother finds out that I have even glanced at him, I will be disowned and possibly thrown out of the house. I don't blame either of them. I love them both, but why must I go through all this? Is this a punishment for my sins? Your help would be greatly appreciated.

Q: A man wants to name his child Luqmaan, however his parents have requested that the childs name be changed to Talha. I fully understand the status of parents in one's life, however will it be permissible for the man to name his son Luqmaan even without his parents approval?

Q: I am now 23 years old. When I was 11/12 years old - I did something very stupid as I had anger issues at the time. So back then, in a moment of anger I made dua to Allah that Allah sends my mother to jahannam forever in addition to adding that may Allah never accept a counter-dua (i.e. that Allah never accepts a dua that anyone makes to give my mother jannah). I regret this dua I made in anger and feel remorseful and shameful. Alhamdulillah my mother is alive and is a practicing Muslim to this day and has instilled in me strong Islamic principles through the permission of Allah. Since the time I was 11/12 I have by the grace of Allah Ta'ala also become a Hafiz e Quran. I still worry about that dua which I made more than 10 years ago. Should I stop worrying about this as Allah says: وَلاَ تَزِرُ وَازِرَةٌ وِزْرَ أُخْرَى And no bearer of burden will bear another’s burden (Quran 6: 164)

Q: What is the Shar'ee ruling regarding a mother living with her son after his marriage?