Rights of parents

Q: I have a mother who is mentally ill. I live with her and our family. My mother gives me a lot of bad duas, she makes dua to Allah that He destroys me, that I live the life of a dog, that I suffer and suffer and end up living worse than anyone. She keeps giving me bad duas everyday. She calls me evil and insults me.

I usually dont say much to her, but sometimes my 8 year old brother hits me with toys, sometimes I will tell him off, and once I hit him back (I know I shouldnt, but he wouldnt stop and he's a big boy). She tells me I'm evil and that Allah will destroy me.

I am very concerned that I end up suffering even more in life. I know the status of a mother, but I havent done anything bad to my mother. Will Allah accept these duas? I am very worried. My dad prays good duas for me.

Q: I am a 20 year old girl living in a western country since birth. I come from a very strict cultural family from Pakistan who are very conservative in their mindset and often mix culture with Islam. Nevertheless I want to state that I do respect my parents despite our clashing mindsets. Since the last few years my father especially gets extremely angry, shouting and saying horrible irrational things about my character, threatening to pull me out of Uni etc. over ridiculously minute things such as me wearing a bit of makeup or wearing jeans etc. He uses the excuse of Islam and constantly tells me I am a terrible muslim and a disgrace because I don't have that outward image of a "perfect muslim girl" despite me knowing in my heart that I try my best to be a good muslim in my own way-I do my best to pray 5 times a day, be a good, kind person and am slowly building up my islamic knowledge.

While I understand that wearing hijab and modest clothing is fardh in islam and that it may be one of my weaknesses (and everyone has their own weaknesses), I do not dress outrageously bad (eg. show too much skin or wear anything too tight) or any different to that of most muslim women in our western society, even those who wear hijab. I know my own limits and islamically for them to force it upon me to dress like women do in my father's village is unrealistic and incorrect.

I don't mean to say i'm an amazing muslim and he is a horrible one or a horrible parent but the mentality he was raised with does not allow him to see beyond his own beliefs. For him not wearing makeup, wearing hijab and long, loose clothing, but NOT praying or reading Quran or having internal faith, is better than me doing my best to practise and be a good person but not have that "ideal" outward appearance ie. he cares more about following the norms of the society he was brought up in but uses religion as an excuse. He doesn't even attempt to understand that I have grown up in a western society, (even though he's the one who brought us here) that my thinking is more open and that he cannot compare me to women living in his village, it is just completely unrealistic.

I know how important respecting and obeying your parents is in Islam and even though my parents think I try to "hurt them" on purpose by doing these things which make them angry, I know in my heart I do not and how much it hurts me that they do not understand things from my point of view. I cannot help but react negatively at times when such arguments and incidents happen as I too feel suffocated but at the same time feel guilty as I don't know how I can live my life and please my parents without being their little puppet and doing everything as per their terms because ultimately I am an adult and I will answer to Allah myself.

I feel extremely stuck and need the opinion of someone with more islamic knowledge than me. I just want to practise my religion in my own way and at my own pace but don't want to hurt my parents either or make them feel like I have betrayed them/ disrespect them.

Q: I disappointed my father and now I don't know how to get him to look at me with love again, I feel so bad looking at him in that state, what can I do to change this condition?

Q: I want to tell you that my graduation is going to be complete after 15 days, after that I have to move from my native place to Bangalore (India) which is 1435 km away from my native place in search for a job and let me also tell u that in our native land, bhadrak (odisha, India) has no job opportunities so I am bound to migrate to Bangalore.

I am the only son of my parents and my parents are quite old (my father is 73 yrs old and my mother is 60 yrs) and we are financially not sound. The problem is that they can't go with me because of financial problems and my father's health. But they are allowing me and forcing me to go to Bangalore in search of a job and for a better future and they are telling me don't worry about us, Allah is with us. Now, what I will do as my parents are giving me permission and forcing me to move to Bangalore for the sake of job.

So, please tell me what should I do in this situation. I have a fear of Allah that what will I tell him on the day of judgement if Allah asks me why I left my parents alone and went in search job.

Q: My friend hit her terminally ill father in anger,but repented immediately. Later on it seemed that due to the slap it caused severe damage to the brain. She is repenting so much, crying and praying and begging to Allah. She cant get over the guilt, she really loves her father. What she can do now? She is praying a lot and asking for forgiveness. Will Allah forgive her and make her father well again?

Q: I m very disobedient son of my mother, and she stays unhappy with me, i always try to be good and be obedient but sometimes i loose control over myself and do things which she hasnt allowed me. Today i said a deep sorry to her and made a dua for forgiveness as well, i want to be an obedient son, so i can be successful in life and make my mother happy. So what can i do? Is there any special way to keep god control over myself or any wazifa that will make have god control over myself and be obedient.

Q: In my house, we (me and my siblings) have debated on many issues and this sort of debate is normal for us and it is often how we come to a decision. While debating we tend to raise our voices but this is also normal for us (everyone is our house tends to talk loud). We mean no disrespect to our mom by it. From what I know, my mom does not get offended by this and actively takes part in these debates. Is this sort of a thing a sin or considered disrespecting our parents?

Q: My father and I don't have to good relationship and I want a good relationship with him but I am afraid of him and we don't talk that much. I try my best to practice Islam in every way. Does that make me a bad soul?

Q: I want to know, I was an Athiest for a long period of my life. I have parent issues. I am a mujrim according to Islamic term. I do not have a good understanding with my parents. They have abundent me for some accusational issue. Beside I have some mind health problems. I heard if a child doesn't have a good relationship with his parents then Allah will not accept his duas. What if the the parent is wrong here and the child doesn't have any fault, will Allah understand my circumstances and dilemmas and accept my prayer? Will Allah help me out? 

Q: I am currently undergoing major problems in my home, my husband and I bought a home about 7 months back. He brought his mum to live with us as he is the only son and she is old, he does not want her to live on her own. However bear in mind she is still working in a school and is an independent woman.

There have been many small issues in our house due to the fact that we live together and are in each other's faces daily. She also has a habit of smoking and this is affecting me greatly. Whenever there is an issue, my husband speaks to her about it and she then locks herself up in her room, in a great mood, thereafter gives me the cold shoulder, which then creates a miserable environment to live in.

My husband refuses to accept when his mum is wrong, I am always incorrect and I am disrespectful and I cannot make sabr and overlook her faults. Those are his words generally.

Also every problem is a small one for him. Both him and his mum have emotionally drained me and mentally I cannot take it anymore.

I love my husband but I cannot live this way and he refuses to find her alternate accommodation. I have asked him to do this and I've also told him that he must do whatever needs to be done for his mum, I have done for his mum more than even her own child did for her in the past 3 years that we've been married but no appreciation and care for me comes from her. All they say to me is that I need appreciation for what I do and I always talk about what I do. But they don't realize my worth in the house and take me for granted. I don't know what to do anymore. 

I am currently in my parents home on my own accord. I just want to live on my own with him and I feel that we will have a better relationship all round. He does not want to understand this. Please advise 

That is my wife's argument, my argument is that there are no direct fights from my mothers side. If my mum is upset, she ignores us for some time. My wife gets frustrated and screams at my mother and I. I was under the impression that she helped me look after my mother out of her own will, I did not force her. They both buy each other gifts and go shopping together. I thought it was all good.

Now my wife has left home and says that she will only return if I get my mother a flat that is seperate from us. Not even in the same yard. She doesn't want me to try to extend and make a seperate living space for my mother in the side of our house. I am the only child. How can I kick my mother out? Even if shes not sick, how can I leave her alone knowing that she is old and has diabetes.

My wife gets extremely angry with me and blames my mother and I for all our problems. She has asked for a divorce numerous times. We have been for Islamic counseling. She says that no Maulana can help because I have made up my mind and always take my mothers part. She also wants things to be her way or no way. Her anger is out of control. By going away if there are small problems and the fact that her parents keep her make it as if they control the marriage, we cannot have disagreements, if we do, she will run away and they will keep her... Please advise