Rights of parents

Q: I am currently undergoing major problems in my home, my husband and I bought a home about 7 months back. He brought his mum to live with us as he is the only son and she is old, he does not want her to live on her own. However bear in mind she is still working in a school and is an independent woman.

There have been many small issues in our house due to the fact that we live together and are in each other's faces daily. She also has a habit of smoking and this is affecting me greatly. Whenever there is an issue, my husband speaks to her about it and she then locks herself up in her room, in a great mood, thereafter gives me the cold shoulder, which then creates a miserable environment to live in.

My husband refuses to accept when his mum is wrong, I am always incorrect and I am disrespectful and I cannot make sabr and overlook her faults. Those are his words generally.

Also every problem is a small one for him. Both him and his mum have emotionally drained me and mentally I cannot take it anymore.

I love my husband but I cannot live this way and he refuses to find her alternate accommodation. I have asked him to do this and I've also told him that he must do whatever needs to be done for his mum, I have done for his mum more than even her own child did for her in the past 3 years that we've been married but no appreciation and care for me comes from her. All they say to me is that I need appreciation for what I do and I always talk about what I do. But they don't realize my worth in the house and take me for granted. I don't know what to do anymore. 

I am currently in my parents home on my own accord. I just want to live on my own with him and I feel that we will have a better relationship all round. He does not want to understand this. Please advise 

That is my wife's argument, my argument is that there are no direct fights from my mothers side. If my mum is upset, she ignores us for some time. My wife gets frustrated and screams at my mother and I. I was under the impression that she helped me look after my mother out of her own will, I did not force her. They both buy each other gifts and go shopping together. I thought it was all good.

Now my wife has left home and says that she will only return if I get my mother a flat that is seperate from us. Not even in the same yard. She doesn't want me to try to extend and make a seperate living space for my mother in the side of our house. I am the only child. How can I kick my mother out? Even if shes not sick, how can I leave her alone knowing that she is old and has diabetes.

My wife gets extremely angry with me and blames my mother and I for all our problems. She has asked for a divorce numerous times. We have been for Islamic counseling. She says that no Maulana can help because I have made up my mind and always take my mothers part. She also wants things to be her way or no way. Her anger is out of control. By going away if there are small problems and the fact that her parents keep her make it as if they control the marriage, we cannot have disagreements, if we do, she will run away and they will keep her... Please advise

Q: Firstly, when a relation of a milk mother (foster mother) or "Razaat" is established through breastfeeding a child, is this status of a mother given to the breastfeeding woman because of respect only and can she be regarded as a step mother?

Secondly, does this status of milk mother make her equivalent to a biological mother in terms of rights and all aspects which a biological mother has.

Q:

1. My mom is very innocent and sometimes takes decisions of some things which has more problems than solutions for us. When she tells me to do something then I do it because Allah says we have to obey our parents. Sometimes Abbu also shouts at me as to why am I doing such things. What should I do? Can I deny my mom or should I obey her?

2. People know that I listen to my mother, whenever and whatever work people want from me, they go directly to my mother and convince her and then my mother orders me to do that work. Sometimes I hate doing that work. Is there any chance of me denying my mom in these situations? 

Q: Do you have to obey your mother in everything except if they tell you to disobey Allah? (What if the parents tell you that you can’t go outside except on Mondays and they are abusive?)

Q: What should be our behaviour with Non Muslim parents? Should we love them with our hearts? And are we allowed to have light hearted conversations with them and joke with them?

Q: What is the Islamic ruling on hugging and kissing your mother?

Q: If parents give us an order that is against Islam, should we obey that?

Q: A person has a cat. He and his family love the cat. But the person’s father does not like him to keep the cat and he says to the person that he should not keep the cat. But the person and his family are so attached to the cat. They do not want to give the cat to anyone. The thought of staying without the cat makes them cry. So can the person keep the cat? If the person does not listen to his father’s advice because listening to his father’s this advice will emotionally hurt his family a lot, then is he sinning?

Q: My wife's father demands from her to massage him and bath him while he is just wearing bermuda type shorts. He ignores her condition or tiredness. I want to know if it is allowed for him to demand this service from her? Am I justified forbidding her to do so? He lives in another city and keeps on insisting for her to come there, totally ignorant of the fact that she has a job and kids to look after. Now he is demanding to move in with her just for the reason that she may serve him like that. He has a wife who is my wife's step mother. I do not like her massaging or bathing him in his semi nude condition, but my wife said that its a culture of their country.

Q: In which condition we can disobey our parents?